My biological relatives, who I know, did not provide emotional, spiritual or financial support. My adoptive parents provided all of those things. Now that I am older, my biological relatives are pressuring me to spend time with some of the members that I do not like because of their personalities and their lifestyles. They are also pressuring me for financial assistance. Some of them even said I do not "owe" my adoptive parents anything because they are not my blood relatives. Because of these occurances, I am not having any contact with any of my biological family that express or support these ideas. I feel I am handing the situation appropriately but I am wondering what others would feel. What do think? I am doing the correct thing?
2007-12-31 09:00:53 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
Dear Issuesofadoption, (*cough, cough*)
Sound like you have it all worked out, girlfriend!
I got it! Bio family is trash (aren't they all?!) And your adoptive parents are saints.
So dump them, I mean they dumped you, right? Who needs their crappy 'lifestyles' anyway?
Run back to your adoptive parents, after all, they are your 'real'
parents anyway. They were there through thick and thin, they changed your diapers and paid for your braces, who says blood is thicker than paper? Your adoptive parents are the ones who really care about you. Those people, your 'biological relatives' probably have nasty 'personalities'. It sounds like you should be grateful your adoption saved you from a terrible existence. You and every other adoptee are lucky that you were saved from living with those people who were obviously not worth anything.
Get a restraining order, call the police, and change your phone number! I've heard you can even change your Social Security number to obscure your path from these mongrels.
Good luck!
2007-12-31 11:25:52 · answer #1 · answered by Sunny 7 · 13⤊ 4⤋
I'm a bio mom and I think your doing the right thing. Your bfamily, at least some of them sound like sour grapers. I can't imagine asking my bio daughter for money, and we have a great relationship. As far as stuffing people down your throat, don't let them. If you don't agree with their life style and don't want to be associated with them you don't have to. They are no different than any other person on this planet, and you are not required to like everyone. Besides, there are tons of familes that don't like or speak to each other.
Maybe when the time is right you can explain to them that they are putting you in a very uncomfortable situation and you're handeling it the best way you know how.
Sorry for their ignorance.
2008-01-01 01:58:37 · answer #2 · answered by Lori A 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
you have got to be kidding me? they actually said that to you!? i am so sorry you have to deal with that. they are being thoughtless and boarder line cruel. you were not a part of the decision making, you owe no one anything. you stick to your guns. i think you are handling this just fine.
i actually had a similar situation a few years ago. my brother in law, who had been in the family all of about 3 years at the time, decided i needed to (and i quote) "start paying back mom and dad for taking you in and giving you a home when you had nowhere else to go"
i was furious. he wanted me to pay back my mom and dad for adopting me! like it was my responsibility. needless to say i didnt speak to my sister or him for over 2 years. it killed my parents, but what was i to do? if i had to be in the same room with them i probably would have kicked them both.
hold your head high, you are above such petty guilt trips. if they respected you as a person they would never put that on your shoulders. you owe no one a darn thing except respect and they should earn that not just be given it.
the ignorance of some people is simply amazing.
2008-01-01 10:45:57 · answer #3 · answered by rachael 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
As a mom who put a child up for adoption, the parents who raised you are the ones you need to be close with. If your birth family is giving you demands, stay away and cling to your real family for support. If it is necessary, get a restraining order against the bio family members who are hassling you. Your real family are the ones who raised you! Anyone can make a baby, it takes someone special to raise a child. You "owe" your adoptive parents for saving you from the bio family that could have influenced you to be like them. You "owe" your adoptive parents all the love and loyalty you seem to be giving them. Keep them in the loop and let them know what's going on and how you feel. You be fine!
2008-01-01 01:26:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
I'm sorry this is happening to you but, you don't owe anyone anything. If you feel you are handling the situation appropriately then be secure in those feelings. Trust your judgement.
You can still care about them and even love them with out being sucked into the negativity.
Good luck.
2008-01-04 03:38:23 · answer #5 · answered by CP 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds as if you don't feel competent yet about handling manipulative people in your life. I'm guessing you are still a very young adult, which would explain why you're still unsure about how to stand up for yourself. This is an important life skill to learn: you will need it many times in your adult life. If you haven't learned it from your family growing up, then you will have to start now.
You have to decide what life you want to lead and what kind of people you want to associate with. Plenty of people distance themselves (sometimes literally) from family members or former friends when the relationship is abusive or unsatisfactory. You need to have the strength to make your own life, surrounding yourself with people you choose to be in your inner circle.
Good luck!
2007-12-31 12:00:36 · answer #6 · answered by goodquestion 3 · 7⤊ 1⤋
It sounds as if you are doing the right thing in your situation, if I am reading your story correctly and you aren't cutting off all of your first family, but just those that are trying to manipulate you.
You don't owe anyone anything -- not your first family and not your adoptive family either. They all did things when you were a child for their own reasons. If you feel the ties of blood or the ties of love are stronger than any negatives there might be, then you associate with those people. If the negatives are stronger, then protect yourself from that person in whatever way seems best to you.
Best wishes to you. I hope the ones that are trying to manipulate you come around eventually and you have a great relationship with both your families.
2007-12-31 09:51:10 · answer #7 · answered by spydermomma 5 · 10⤊ 1⤋
I'm a first mom and I don't understand why your first family thinks its ok to pressure you for money and insult your parents. Rather low, if you ask me. You're not wrong is distancing yourself from them. I've heard tales of first families that completely interfere with the person's life and try to dictate what sort of relationship the person has with their adoptive family. It's wrong and beyond low. Stay strong and if they piss and moan about it, don't let it get to you. Every family has got the low-lifes. I'm sorry that your first family thinks they come before the ones who raised you. Very selfish.
2007-12-31 09:31:15 · answer #8 · answered by Ghost Writer Rides Again 3 · 4⤊ 5⤋
You do not owe anything to anyone. Especially your biological family who gave you up for adoption. There is no obligation there.
You are only responsible for yourself. When you have children, you are responsible for them, not the other way around. Now, when my mother gets old and feeble, I would take care of her, not due to obligation, but because she is the most important person in my life. My father can rot in hell. He never took care of me, never bothered to see me, was basically the biggest ****** in the universe. What do I owe him? Nothing. All he did was knock my mother up.
Do not ever lend money to anyone unless you never, ever expect to get paid back. Ever. Take care of you. Every adult has a right to pursue his/her own happiness without a shhhtty family trying to hold him back. That's not love.
2007-12-31 09:10:06 · answer #9 · answered by Yup Yup Yuppers 7 · 10⤊ 4⤋
If you give your biological family anything, it will be out of your own generosity but it's not an obligation. Your familial obligation is to the people who loved you and raised you, not the ones who did nothing but donate their DNA and cause you heartache. I don't think there's anything wrong with avoiding people who spend their time insulting your (real) family. Though I think it would be nice of you, if you are emotionally able to deal with them, to do so at your leisure. But only because it's a nice thing to do, and not because you owe them anything. If you feel like you just can't handle being around them then I think it's just fine to cut them out of your life.
2007-12-31 09:06:01 · answer #10 · answered by Somebody else 6 · 6⤊ 8⤋
Your adoptive parents are your parents. They raised you. Sometimes I do miss Mom, though. I'd like to see her again.
2007-12-31 09:04:04 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 9⤋