Ive had 3 relationships with people withcommitment phobias. Am i the same since i choose these types of people

Question

Having had 3 relationships with women that have deep commitment phobia issues , im starting to wonder if i have similar issues, since I chase these types of women in the first place.

I also tend to get them to fall for me quickly, being the white knight always trying to help or protect them, promising them the world emotionally and genuinely meaning it.

I then hang around when the initial "honeymoon" period has ended and its obvious that they have issues with the reationship. I end up being treated badly until the relationship is virtually worthless. Im also confused by their inability to say "Go" to me or to say "Lets finish it" .....

Finally I always hear them say but "I really love you , but dont want to hurt you" ....very confusing since their action are doing exactly that and I keep coming back for more....rather than saying this relationship has changed and get out myself.

Instead I try to get them to fall back in love with me and rekindle the "Honeymoon" period

Answer 1

I don't think you are the same. You seem to favor relationships that are more co-dependent than many women are comfortable with, and that's ok. I tend to be the same way in my own relationships.

One way to get around the commitment-phobias is to agree upfront that there is *no* commitment, and that either of you can see other people, at any time. I reached this agreement with my girlfriend, and it has made the relationship much stronger.

For you relationships, you might benefit by looking for women who can stand on their own two feet, instead of women who need to "be rescued." There will be plenty of opportunities to help even perfectly ordinary women; the wounded women tend to not appreciate your efforts to help, resulting in much frustration for everyone involved (at least, those have been my experiences).

You could also try ending some of your relationships sooner; have a list of things you look for in the relationship, and a list of deal-breakers as well. Feel free to throw the list out if you are totally happy, but if it reminds you that this relationship is far from ideal, then try ending it first (before the "I really love you, but don't want to hurt you" speeches begin).

In summary, it's wonderful to stay in a relationship if it is meeting both your needs, but if it isn't (for whatever reason), you should not be afraid to walk away. You've already met 3 different women, and there are plenty more out there. Staying "until death do us part" is a nice notion, but 95% of the time, it doesn't (or shouldn't) happen that way, and that is a GOOD thing.

Or, as I saw on a t-shirt the other day: "It is better to have loved and lost, then to have married the psycho." ;-)

Answer 2

suggestion that i visit offer you is do no longer bypass away the guy you like for the guy you like pondering the guy you like will leave you for the guy they love. Been there carried out that! He could look as though a warm ideas-blowing guy yet that isn't final continuously, have faith me. experience approximately each little thing your boyfriend has accomplished for you and how plenty you men have been by using with you being in college and having some distance from another besides on the weekends. simplest which you will say must you nonetheless opt to be alongside with your boyfriend yet merely understand its no longer easy those days to discover a delightful guy who has a "incredible regulations". i could say save your boyfriend!

Answer 3

aww. you are Cap'n Save-A-Ho.

maybe it is a commitment issue, maybe it's the whole white knight thing.

I guess my question is - why are you chasing the commitmentphobes instead of the nice girls that owuld appreciate it?

Answer 4

BE IT FATE OR BE IT YOU ARE JUST A BIT INSECURE,WORK ON YOUR SELF FOR A FEW YEARS,LIKE FOR GET RELATIONSHIPS AND LOOK IN YOU! FIND HAPPINESS WITH OUT A WOMAN THEN TRY HAPPINESS WITH ONE, DO NT KILL YOUR JOY WITH OTHER PEOPLES JUNK .

Answer 5

Hmmmm... I don't think you have a committment issue. It seems more like you go for girls who need some saving. Are you not attracted to confident girls? Maybe you like to be the leader in relationships and it's not really about commitment at all?
Just something to think about....

Answer 6

No, but subconsciously, you think somewhere in the relationship you'll be the one to help them let go of their fear of a committed relationship. Sadly though, you're not able to help them change. There's other fish in the sea. Good Luck!