Military memories?

Question

During the trainup for my last deployment, I would get so bored I would hide in the Port-a-John and scare people when they opened the door. Do you have any such stories?

Answer 1

Oh there are so many, but numero uno would have to be:

At Gardez, we found out that dropping 80lbs bundles of ANYTHING soft/padded from atop a Conex container while simultaneously throwing a flash-bang out the window beside it (repeat a many times as necessary for desired effect), dupes about 90% of the soldiers within hearing distance into believing mortars are coming in. :D Newcomers loved us for that one. This trick taught us a lot about some people actually.

Then there's the more conventional:

Zip tying people to their cots is always fun, then performing the shaving cream bit.

I remember one friend of mine worked painstakingly to squeeze all of the contents out of a tube of toothpaste, and then squeezed all of the contents of a tube of Icy Hot back into the tube. That worked really well.

We held down and shaved a "#1" in this guys back-hair, because he was notorious for that hair.

Smoke bombing the showers.

Drive by attacks with smoke bombs thrown in other comrades Humvees. (Only do that one in CONUS please!)

Edit: lol @ flashbang birthdays! I completely forgot all of the crappers, cars, bunks, phones, fake mail, end even MRE's we've booby trapped too.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

Used to wire the doors to the shitters with trip-flares. That's real popular for a guy answering an urgent call of nature at 0300.

In Korea, we actually carried a dude's car (the Tico is basically a beer can on wheels: tiny) into the Chief's office and locked it in there for the weekend. That was a good one.

My OPFOR team had a potato cannon we used to take out to the range with us. Sure did get some odd stories when we'd send a potato sailing over the bluefor positions with a chem light jammed in it.

Then there's the requisite practical jokes on unsuspecting noobs. Boxes of grid squares, bags of exhaust, soft spots in armor, keys to the impact area, bottles of K9P, find me a PRC-E7, buckets of jetwash, reels of flight line, chem light batteries (which are sorta real nowadays), canopy lights for night jumps, etc. It never ends! The great thing about the military is that just about the time you run out of suckers for practical jokes...they send you a new batch!! ;-)

For the love of god, never announce your birthday if you work with dudes who have access to flash bangs!

Bengay on toilet seats is a good one. So is shoe polish on the black seats. Or on the eyepieces of NODs or binos. Bengay *inside* a guy's pro-mask really sucks as well.

Answer 4

While on a training exercise in a foreign country, my platoon leader rushed over to my vehicle. I was sitting inside my vehicle talking to my one of the team leaders when the lieutenant climbed on top of the vehicle. I was down in the turret but the hatch above me was open. Our unit had traded food rations with the foreign troops and I discovered a tube which contained coffee creamer, it was the size of a small tooth paste tube such as the ones you take when traveling. I put my left hand into my pants by way of the waist band and three of my fly buttons were open. Then I took my left thumb and pushed it through the opening in my fly and grabbed it with my right hand, you can imagine how that looked. At the same time, I spread the coffee creamer on my hand and it was a site to see. When the lieutenant dropped down into the turret, he noticed I was sort of busy and attempted to look away but he had important information to share with me. I proceeded to finish my business and then wiped my coffee creamer covered hand on his shirt and you should have seen him jump out of the vehicle. He actually believed I was conducting some sort of sickening act in front of him and then believed it was a special sauce on his shirt. The team leader who witnessed this was almost in tears when he witnessed the platoon leader run across the open terrain toward his vehicle at a high rate of speed.

Answer 5

We would place surrandwrap over the tank hatches while people were sleeping inside. Then yell for them to get into formation. The reaction on their faces when they first try to jump up through the hatch and couldn't....

Answer 6

Serving as a Navyman with Fleet Marines Forces can lead to a lot of good-natured kidding. But, once at sea, the "Navy" gene can kick in and produce one bit of merriment as pure revenge. I used to take an old pair of boots on board the ship, proceed to the berthing space, lace them together and throw them over an overhead pipe. Once we got underway, the boots would start swaying and the Marines would quickly man the rail and call out the name of their favorite Irishman (O'Rourke) and their favorite automobile (Buick) while discharging their last meal into the sea!

Answer 7

we put bengay on the toilet seat so when they sit down you get a tingling sensation....

Answer 8

I once had a commander that hated corned beef hash.

We took all 12 meals from the case of MRE's he had under his bunk and replaced them with 12 corned beef hash meals.

He was livid...

Answer 9

when i was stationed in north dakota and it snowed we used to take the tops of trashcans and go sliding down the alcams

Answer 10

while in basic training for the Air Force the past year, I was doing my warrior week training. i am pulling myself across this rope that's hung above this pool full of cold water, and as I reach the end of the rope, the cadre was there, yelling at me to swing off the rope. Because i was moving so fast, when I swung my legs off the rope I kick him square in the pelvic bone.

Answer 11

Lol we used to wait for people to go in and they throw our football or soccer ball at it while in Iraq. Usually most people knew it was coming but once in awhile we caught someone off guard.