I know we can laugh at ourselves...but the bear joke? Tired...
Personally, I like the Loch Ness Monster joke...=0)
2007-12-31 06:57:34 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Pangel: It's similar to the bear joke, except the punch line is "Well, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster, either, until 30 seconds ago!"
2007-12-31 07:05:44 · update #1
I don't know if these are real atheist jokes but they always amused me
A guy dies and wakes up to find he is in hell. He's really depressed as he stands in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance counselor.
He thinks to himself "I know I lead a wild life but I wasn't that bad. I never thought it would come to this." Looking up he sees that it is his turn to be processed into hell. With fear and a heavy heart, he walks up to the counselor.
Counselor: What's the problem, you look depressed?
Guy: Well, what do you think? I'm in hell.
Counselor: Hell's not so bad, we actually have a lot of fun. Do you like to drink?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Counselor: Well then, you are going to love Mondays. On Mondays we drink up a storm. You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you want and as much a you want. We party all night long. You'll love Mondays. Do you smoke?
Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Counselor: You are going to love Tuesdays. Tuesday is smoke day. You get to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere. And you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying about cancer because you are already dead! Is that great or what? You are going to love Tuesdays. Do you do drugs?
Guy: Well in my younger days I experimented a little.
Counselor: You are going to love Wednesdays. That's drug day. You can experiment with any drug you want and you don't have to worry about overdoses or getting hooked because you are already dead. You are going to love Wednesdays. Do you gamble?
Guy: Yes, I love to gamble.
Counselor: You are going to love Thursdays because we gamble all day and night -- black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races, everything! You are going to love Thursdays. Are you gay?
Guy: Uhh...no.
Counselor: Oh , you're gonna hate Fridays...
2007-12-31 07:34:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
LOL@Happy Wappy's joke. hahahaaaaaaaaa
2007-12-31 15:21:47 · answer #2 · answered by Maple Sugar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can't tell the joke because too many Jesus people will cry and complain and it will be censored from the blogs.
Although, I know a cute, but perhaps offensive Catholic joke.
The Pope arrived in NY Saturday night for a Sunday morning mass. He was excited to be in NY and had his limo driver take him around to see the big apple. He got anxious and asked the limo driver to switch places so he can drive.
Like most Popes, they don't know how to drive so a police officer stopped him and asked him for his ID. The officer then went back to his car and reported in to headquarters.
"Yeah, headquarters, I just pulled over a really important person and I can't give him a ticket."
Headquarters responded, "No one is special. You have to give him a ticket."
"Yeah, but this guys is really special." the officer explained.
"Is he the president?" headquarters asked.
"No!"
"Is he the governor?
"No!" the officer aswered.
"Is he the mayor?"
Again the officer aswered, "No!"
"If he's isn't the president, or the governor, or the mayor, then who is he?"
The officer answered, "I don't know! But he's so important the Pope is driving him."
2007-12-31 15:13:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. Surprised, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?"
"Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
2007-12-31 15:08:14 · answer #4 · answered by ☼ɣɐʃʃɜƾ ɰɐɽɨɲɜɽɨƾ♀ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
During the Reign of Terror of the French Revolution, one morning's executions began with three men: a rabbi, a Catholic priest, and a rationalist skeptic.
The rabbi was marched up onto the platform first. There, facing the guillotine, he was asked if he had any last words. And the rabbi cried out, "I believe in the one and only true God, and He shall save me." The executioner then positioned the rabbi below the blade, set the block above his neck, and pulled the cord to set the terrible instrument in motion. The heavy cleaver plunged downward, searing the air. But then, abruptly, it stopped with a bang just a few inches above the would-be victim's neck. To which the rabbi said, "I told you so."
"It's a miracle!" gasped the crowd. And the executioner had to agree, letting the rabbi go.
Next in line was the priest. Asked for his final words, he declared, "I believe in Jesus Christ the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost who will rescue me in my hour of need." The executioner then positioned this man beneath the blade. And he pulled the cord. Again the blade flew downward thump! creak! ...stopping just short of its mark once more.
"Another miracle!" sighed the disappointed crowd. And the executioner for the second time had no choice but to let the condemned go free.
Now it was the skeptic's turn. "What final words have you to say?" he was asked. But the skeptic didn't hear. Staring intently at the ominous engine of death, he seemed lost. Not until the executioner poked him in the ribs and the question was asked again did he reply.
"Oh, I see your problem," the skeptic said pointing. "You've got a blockage in the gear assembly, right there!"
2007-12-31 15:05:36 · answer #5 · answered by Alex H 5 · 3⤊ 2⤋
How does a female atheist wear her hair?
In big bangs.
2007-12-31 15:05:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
I've never heard a decent atheist or anti-atheist joke.
Both kinds always seem so... forced. Which kills the humour.
2007-12-31 15:05:02 · answer #7 · answered by Kevin M 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How many atheist does it take to change a light bulb. None, we'd rather sit in the dark. Sorry, couldn't think of any, so made this one up.
2007-12-31 15:05:01 · answer #8 · answered by Herodotus 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Christianity.
(NOT very funny.)
2007-12-31 15:04:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I like the bear joke
but havent heard the Loch Ness one Bettie...
share please
edit
ok since I am Scottish.... that would be funnier
2007-12-31 15:04:25 · answer #10 · answered by ☮ Pangel ☮ 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋