How do I get my contractor husband motivated to finish OUR house?

Question

He does a fantastic job on everyone else's projects, but not our own.

His problem is that he wants the house to have the nicest and we cannot afford it, so he starts a project here and then loses interest. Ironically, he does wonderful work when he's motivated with money. I've lived with several projects unfinished for almost 15 years now and really really want to get the house finished.

Ladies, how do you get your husbands to finish the projects?

(By the way, bribing with sex or meals doesn't work - I've tried this, and he doesn't trust me with a hammer either).

Answer 1

What is wrong with you ??? Of course he wont trust you with a hammer....you might just be better than him if you did learn how to use it. Lets face it....if you want something done learn to do it yourself, or get someone in there when he is gone to work...and get one small unfinished project done. Now I am sure you are probably capable. So jump in with both feet. He will get motivated and fast......!!!! Primarily, because he does want to be apart of the decision making and out of fear that someone else will not do it right.
I did this with my Husband.....and it does work. I wanted a fenced off area on the driveway side of the house...opened up. It is a wooden dog eared cedar fence, easy to open up and add hinges etc. I wasn't good with wood then or power tools...(But I am now and have all of my own and Hunny bought them for me over the last many years, although I bought my own compressor....that walks by itself to HIS space in the garage...Go Figure) Anyway, I asked for over a year for him to open it up....Got fed up with that.....and offered a Steak Dinner with all the trimming to a close family if "Steve" would please make me a Gate. Hunny was at work, so I set everything up, (I have a pool and they have 3 kids, a plus for them and my Son to swim and their Mom to watch, or swim as desired) They came over on this Sunday early about 11am....to Swim....and do the Gate. My Husband doesn't get home until 3pm from work. So that was enough time to get a great start on the gate......When my Husband came home he was so PISSED with me and "Steve" that he didn't speak to me or anyone else for nearly an hour. Then he dusted off his attitude....after I told him that since he didn't want to make a Gate for me....I found a way to get one....Took him a while to get over it....but I dont have to ask very long now for things to get done.........WHERE THERE IS A WILL THERE IS A WAY.....
My Husband and I work well together when we are on the same page....and redecorating or remodeling jobs here at home become enjoyable time spent together.

Answer 2

That is tough. He is probably like me ,and after working on someone elses home all the time, he just wants to relax when at home.I have to make myself keep going on mine sometimes
Offer him some motivation, hire him a female stripper, by the way my wife did not go for this idea
LOL Happy New Year

Answer 3

If you are anything like my ex, he may be doing that to spite you. I did, I was a contractor for a number of years, and I would start a project only to have my wife want changes in the middle, or start telling me how to do it, or worse WATCH me work and criticize my work, or be dissatisfied with the finished work, make me change the color four times, it was truly unpleasant. I refused to do anything after a while.

Answer 4

It took my father almost twenty years to finish my parent's house (just in time to sell it). I helped him to a bulk of the work and he taught me a lot. Tell him you are going to seize your tax return and pay a "real" contractor to do the work. This oughta light the fire under his butt.

Answer 5

I can totally relate to your situation! My husband is a CPA and hadn't done our taxes for 3 years! He was always busy doing them for someone else. We didn't owe any money and had filed extensions but by then, they had all expired.

So I decided to follow the "natural consequences" route that I had tried to use in disapline situations with our kids. I went to a local accountant and paid to have the oldest year's taxes completed. This was the equivalent to you having a contractor come in and complete one of the undone projects.

I sweetly, and without any contempt told my husband that I realized that he was too busy and too exhausted to do even more accounting work after his full time job, so I have gone ahead and hired someone to do the job for us. By making sure that I had already had one year's completed and paid for, he realized that I backed my words with actions. He was afraid enough that I would spend another $800 to do the subsequent years taxes, that they were finished that weekend.

Your various projects may take more than a weekend AND more than one paid project to another contractor. However, if you have kids (especially daughters) it is important to start having someone else do the work so that they can see that you are a capable woman who is able to solve problems on her own. Your husband will soon pick up on this powerful message you will be sending too and many aspects of your life will change for the better. You will be more respected and will be taken alot more seriously.

Best of luck and best of fun doing it!

Answer 6

Become a dominatrix. (I'm only HALF kidding.)

Answer 7

I hate to say it-but 15 years is ridiculous. Decide what you want done and fix it or finish it-if he can do it-you can. I am 5'4" and paint, build,refinish,tile and upholster as well as paint murals. Everything in our house I've done-my hubby helps but it wouldn't get done without me. I look it up on HGTV or DIY network or get a book abd do it-by the way, people say my home looks like a model home so I don't do mickey mouse. Start small and learn. You can do it!

Answer 8

I have the same problem.....I think we just need to go learn how to operate power tools and do it ourselves.....b/c I haven't been able to come up with anything better :)

Answer 9

Get some bids from other contractors and show them to him. That will shame him into getting them done.

Answer 10

OK If that way of bribing or withholding doesnt work you are doing something wrong.