Daugter almost 18, kicked out of school, has no job?

Question

I have a teenage daughter who is about to turn 18 next year and she is getting on my last nerves. I am tired of having to take care of her (making food, cleaning her dishes, doing her laundry) because she does not do anything! All she does is stay in her room, sleep and goes on the internet. I think it is because two years ago she was kicked out of high school for not coming to school for a year. I do not know what’s wrong with her and am afraid if I leave her to herself she won’t make it in the real world. She refuses to see a psychologist and basically refuses to get a job or do almost anything. I don’t even think she goes outside! I work full time to make ends meet. The new year is approaching and I do not know what to do.

Answer 1

Tell her that if she is to be in your home, she must finish school, go to college, and/or get her career started. She must help you around the home, and follow your house rules. If not SHOW HER THE DOOR, and if need be walk her and her things out of it. Some kids need to experience the real world before the can have a real appreciation for what they had.

Answer 2

First of all her getting kicked out of school is no excuse. Give her an ultimatum. Either she works on getting her GED, gets a job and starts helping out with the bills or YOU will kick her butt out. She is not a baby any longer and when she turns 18 she WILL be an adult and no longer your responsibility. She NEEDS a dose of reality because you have been doing everything for her. WHY are you doing her laundry, WHY are you doing her dishes? My daughter is 22, still lives at home but she is in college, has a job and picks up after herself as well as helps with the monthly bills and has been since she graduated highschool.

Answer 3

She is only doing what you have taught her to do over the years. It is going to be very difficult for you to make changes now, but you better do something in a hurry. You better start finding ways for her to be responsible for her actions because when she reaches 18 I think you need to send her off on her own and she is going to be in for a big surprise. As long as you let her sit around your house she will do nothing. How could you have ignored her all this time and now all of a sudden be worried about her.

Answer 4

Just stop doing everything for her. Give her no money, don't do her laundry, stop cooking and cleaning for her. Why should she do anything when you wil.

If she was kicked out of school two years ago, what has she been doing and why didn't you enroll her in another school or continuing education program. It sounds like it is time for tough love. Good luck.

Answer 5

She needs to grow up and won't do so if you keep enabling her. Turn off the internet and phone to her room. If she wants it she'll have to pay to have it hooked up herself, in order to pay for it she'll have to work. Stop cooking and doing her laundry too. She's old enough to do it herself. Hell, I out on my own by the time I was her age. She needs to freaking grow up and momma needs to cut those apron strings...I know easier said than done right....just know that you are doing right by her if you do.

Answer 6

i would disconnect your internet. Also why did you allow your daughter not to go to school. Take away the internet phone. Make her clean up and make her own food. and if she doesnt comeout of her room than take the door off. and maybe you should think about kicking her out i know it may sound cruel but if you do guarenteed that she will come begging back. If she wont leave get the cops involved she is over 18 she is not going to rely on you for ever.

Answer 7

live by the saying, sink or fly. There have been times in my life where it's come down to that, and i've still flown. My brother the same way.

There is a point to helping and a point to enabling. I think you've gone beyond the point of helping and have fallen in to enabling.

You have enabled her to live in your home and continue down the path she is on. Her not attending school comes back to you. you are the parent and the adult of the home. I've told my kids look you wanna live in my house you want me to support you and parent you well then your going to live by my rules. These are those rules. and i layed them out very clearly.

It's time to tell her, you wanna live her then thats fine but you need to go and get your GED or go back to a continuation school, or regular highschool. The computer comes out of the bedroom. If you are in school then i will provide theses things and these are the rules of my home. If you dont want to abide by these things that is fine you have untill x date to pack your things and get out of my house, or i will put them out on the front law. Who ever gets them gets them. I will no be responsible fo you after this date. Make sure she is 18 or you are still legally bound by the law till that time and you can get in trouble.

If it comes down to putting her out. Tell her, you are welcome to come and visit, have sunday dinner with me or us, and bring your laundry and you do it up her.

Stop doing a disservice to your daughter by thinking that she can't do anything, that she wont make it in the real world. Beleive me she will. Out of the need of instint for self preservation.

Answer 8

lady its time you put the bird out of the nest... pack her things and set them out side lock the doors and tell her by and good luck.....she is not going to learn anything sitting at home doing nothing..... its time she knows whos the boss.....

Answer 9

My Auntie went through the same thing with two of her boys. she eventually gave them an ultimatum. they either had to pay rent while living there or had a month to get out. if you make the rent price a little cheaper than normal places she is likely to stay home; where you can continue to watch her to make yourself feel more at peace. this will force her to get a job. I find people find out how important education is when they get sick of working way more than normal people for a lot less money. If you want to force her to do school, then also make that a requirment to stay, or bring that into effect after a month or two of rent paying.

This worked wonders for my Auntie, she now has the respect of her boys, where before they were calling her some pretty nasty names... and they have both chosen to go to college after finishing their school because they were very sick of starbucks.

good luck

Answer 10

Why have you waited so long. The rule should be flat out-go to school or work and pay rent. End of subjet. I don't care if they are 16 or 20. I would not make her do it all overnight. Don't just throw her to the wolves though. I have had my daught doing laundry since she was able. She is 18, graduating this year, and going off to the Navy (I'm so sad! but it will be so good for her and her future. I don't want her living life like I have-broke all the time). But is is time. If she does not do laundry, she wears dirty clothes. She does not cook, she does ot eat. You don;t say how many others are in the house. If it is just the two of you, this will be easier. Just do not cook. If you have others require she cook one night a week. Even if it is jsut cannned soup and sandwiches. Her room is trashed, shut the door. Just require that you can't smell her room. You could always take her room away. Deadbold or pad lock the door. She can earn it back. Do these things in small steps. Do not give her cash for anything. And, keep her on birthcontrol. I can tell you what is next. You have enough to worry about.
My husband and I went throug this with his son. You can e-mail me if you need to talk or want more advice on anything.