So, this past weekend I went to go visit my fiance's parents. This trip was meant to just be a time where they could gte to know me and my 2-year-old boy. Also, My fiance's dad is our minister for the wedding (he also married both of my fiance's sisters). This weekend, however, ended up being a nightmare. His dad read us the ceremony he prepared without us, and it included about 5 passages from the bible that he beleives in, but I dont. (note: I am Catholic, and their family is Born-Agains) So now, because the ceremony is suppose to be in my parents backyard, my dad is furious about the passages (stuff about a helphand? and man is higher than woman???). Finally, I just asked my fiance if he could tell his dad to eliminate all passages he had, and that him and I should look for them ourselves, to find some that better describe us. Did I do the right thing? Anyone have any other suggestions for what I could do? (sorry this is so long :( )
2007-12-31 06:45:33 · 14 answers · asked by itiswednesday 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I totally don't mean this to be disrespectful to your beliefs, but I thought that the passages that came from the protestant Bible were pretty much the same as the ones in the Catholic Bible. I realize that the Catholic Bible has the book af Macabees (sp?) but I thought that the scripture you referenced was in both. Perhaps you could look up the scriptures that his dad referenced and see if they are more appealing in different version. King James wording tends to sound more stodgy where as something from the Living Bible sounds more relevent because it uses contemporary wording. Go to http://bible.com/ they have a gajillion different versions and you can just look up passages by putting keywords into a search so you don't have to know the exact passage number. I'm sure you can find wording that doesn't have the servile language that makes most women today feel devalued.
If you are both Christian - and as far as I know, Catholics can be considered Christains (my sister is what I call a Born Again Catholic!) - then you both are heading to the same place, just getting there with a little bit different background. So, I guess what I'm saying is that if both of you believe in Christ as Lord and want to honor Him in your ceremony, I think you can probably come up with a solution that will be satisfactory to everyone involved.
Your fiance needs to take a stand with his father that will honor you, his future wife, as well as respecting his own father. I think if the two of you can work out the details and then have your fiance be the one to approach his dad; it would make things much easier. (I don't think you should have to confront his dad at all - that would be very uncomfortable and inappropriate in my estimation.)
Don't let this bump in the road lead to future difficulties by not working together to get this resolved. Figure out what is important to both of you and work out some of the details now before you get married so that it won't be an issue later on. You should probably decide on which church you will go to or whether or not you will switch off from one week to the next. Will your babies be baptized at birth or later on when they first profess their own faith? These things seem so far off in the future to someone who is just planning their wedding, but believe me, if you settle them now, you'll be just that much further ahead of the game and will avoid so many misunderstandings in the future.
Sorry for the lengthy answer, but it sounded like you really wanted a genuine response. I wish all the best to you and your beau. Be blessed! mattie
2007-12-31 07:27:48 · answer #1 · answered by mattiestreasure 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
This is just a small instance to show you what is coming yet --- you and your fiance obviously aren't in synch with the religion thing, and that MUST be fixed well before you marry. There is a world of difference between your two faiths.
What you can do, if you are a practicing Catholic, is talk to your priest and have him concelebrate the ceremony with the minister. Then there can be parts from each of your faiths.
However, I advise you to talk to your fiance about all this stuff - and decide things like what faith your future children will be brought up with, what religion you will follow, what morals/beliefs your family and marriage will be following. Perhaps premarital counselling would be best, too.
2008-01-01 00:21:20 · answer #2 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. I think you did the right thing. Religion can cause a big problem. You and your fiance need to be on the same page with this. Do not let your fiance's father (even if he is a minister) NOR your father pick out anything in regard to the ceremony.
You and your fiance can sit down together and pick out the passages that you want read. You really need to get your fiance to back you up on this. I can't believe his dad did that!
I would certainly put my foot down and have the support of your fiance.
2008-01-01 16:07:20 · answer #3 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dated a man whose mother was born-again. She was always trying to get me to go to church or study the bible with the family. I'm catholic, too, but I usually declined. But she was very understanding with me and never forced me or made me feel bad about my religious beliefs. Me and the guy broke up but it was not about his mother or their religion. Just be honest and non-judgmental, but keep in mind that it is your wedding so don't fall for guilt trips and do not let yourself be bullied.
2007-12-31 07:15:54 · answer #4 · answered by tiger_lilly33186 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know he did that on purpose, I would not want to be in your shoes. try to tell your husband to take out the part that ofends you and your Dad most and leave the other three in, try to get your Dad to understand that your father in law to be did take out two or three items and go from there, pick your battles Congrats! Hopefully he does not say "obey" good luck
2007-12-31 07:00:22 · answer #5 · answered by MrsMagee 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
This is why the bible teaches you should not be with someone that is unequally yoked. But as far as those couple of scripture that you mentioned. I was Catholic when I got married and I am now Born Again. They both still mean the same to me. God created Eve to be a helpmeet for Adam. Basically to me a help hand is an equal partner. As far as man is higher then woman. So many people see that scripture differently. Submissive wife being the word probably in that scripture and it likely talks about the Husband being the head of his wife. But then it goes on to say a husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. This scripture does not mean that a husband is a controlling Jerk. Somebody needs to be a leader epsecially spiritually but yet you are still suppose to be Partners. My husband and I live our lives strongly according to this scripture. I pay the bills, I make all the plans etc etc but I always discuss them with my husband and if he feels strongly against something then I trust his judgement as the leader of our family but he does not just say Hey I dont think that is a good idea or I dont care what you think. We usually come to a compromise. I buy what I want, he buys what he wants. We dont ask permission or discuss everything. Its called trust and a partnership and this is what I strongly believe this scripture talks about. I believed it when I got married Catholic and I still believe the same way now after I have left the Catholic church. I hope made you understand. Nobody is perfect except God and we will not all ever agree on His word. WE are all going to stand before him one day and find out something we percieved from the bible was not exactly correct. Feel free to email me if you have any other thoughts questions or need to vent. It is so tough starting out a marriage when the inlaws are stepping in and telling you what they want. And if it helps any my husband and I were unequally yoked when we got married, different beliefs etc. We are on the same page now and very happy. We have learned however 15 years later to make our parents bud out at times.
2007-12-31 06:56:50 · answer #6 · answered by now_finally 2 · 2⤊ 5⤋
If it's causing problems now, it will be causing problems down the road. The only difference, you'll be married. It's best to sort these things out before marriage, not during.
2007-12-31 06:54:36 · answer #7 · answered by electrosmack1 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If YOU and your fiance do not want those five passages in, then your officiant should not put them into the ceremony. Look around for yourselves and point out the ones you DO want in.
You did the right thing.
2007-12-31 06:53:34 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
wrte down some thing you want him to say and humbly ask him that you rather have this then what he about to read...
that you would feel a whole lot better
2007-12-31 06:51:49 · answer #9 · answered by shayhi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and your fiance need to decide what you two want. Do not allow his parents to dictate, and do not allow your parents. Having said this, if either are paying for the ceremony then you need to take their feelings in hand, sort of. Why not consider asking your priest if they would help with the service? I was in a similar situation and we had the wedding at my catholic church. The priest knew how my husband and I felt, and worked to smooth the ceremony over with his born again parents.
Also remain strong about your feelings, as his parents will possibly try to push their beliefs off onto you. Don't disrespect your future husband, but let him know when you think they are crossing the line.
2007-12-31 06:51:47 · answer #10 · answered by #2 in the oven 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋