Hogmanay "celebrations".............?

Question

Albert and i have been invited to old Mrs McGlumpha's Hogmanay knees-up tonight, but i really don't want to go as that tart of a barmaid will be there. Albert's got a piece of mistletoe in his pocket and i think that's pretty pathetic. He's even had a bath tonight and changed his underpants, so he's obviously hoping to get his leg over. I feel like throttling her and him. If i go, i know i'll end up having too many sweet sherrys and going wild. Last year was bad enough when i broke big Margaret's fake chandelier and flooded the bathroom by accident. What should i do?

Answer 1

Fly in amongst them with the claw end of a hammer...........

Answer 2

GO, but put on 8 pairs of panties first.

Answer 3

oh, please go so we can hear all about it tomorrow (or when you recover)! i've got an awful image in my mind; which pocket has albert got the mistletoe in ? would the tart stoop that low? aw, what a daft question, of course she would! have you been able to unblock the drains since his bath? what did you do with his drawers? why don't you snuggle up to him (ych y fi i know) & slip his dirty drawers in the pocket with the mistletoe? then when he pulls it out (!) to kiss the tart, he'll pull those with it. should be fun. he might bluster his way out of it, but everyone will have seen the state of them & what you have to put up with. try to have a good night, to hell with flooded bathrooms & the like & have a happy new year. diane.x

Answer 4

1. Change Albert's mistletoe to poison ivy.
2. Spill your first, second, and third sherrys on the barmaid.
3. Take a toilet plunger with you for the bathroom.
4. Sit back and laugh at all the fools as you drink sparkling cider or other nonalcoholic drink.

Answer 5

That was cute.