My best friend is 57, her daughter is 37, so neither is a child, but I can't believe the way the daughter treats her mother. She is rude, demanding, into all of her business and when she doesn't do exactly as she wants will scream and cuss at her til she makes her cry.
The first time it happened I was in shock and didn't do anything, the second time, I took the mother's cell phone away from her because she was driving and hung up on the daughter and wouldn't give it back to her til we got home.
The daughter has been rude to me, but I've tried killing her with kindness and insulting her back at the same time, but she's thick and never thinks you're putting her down.
I've talked to the mother over and over that this isn't right and that she needs to grow a back bone and tell her daughter off once and for all. Both she and her 3rd hubby are scared to death of her and do anything she asks.
What's wrong with this picture? Or is it me that's wrong? I was brought up to respect my elders.
2007-12-31 00:21:47 · 17 answers · asked by serialmom12 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
what i've mentioned is only the tip of the iceberg, it's alot worse than I've described her, I just wanted to spare you all the gory details of this sick relationship.
2007-12-31 00:22:30 · update #1
I brought my children up to respect adults, and they're both adults themselves now. My friend makes it pretty obvious she doesn't care for either one of my children (probably jealousy because they treat people with respect and have manners and excellent social skills.) Both of them will always come out and say hello to her and make small talk asking how she is and how's the family etc. I'm really proud of both of them, and they both know that she doesn't like them, but still show her the respect that brought them up to.
2007-12-31 00:35:43 · update #2
It is a shame, but your friend is suffering the fruits of bringing up her daughter too permissively.
I, too am 37 and my mother is 59. She is smaller than I am and not as strong. I FEAR even the thought of speaking sharply to her, much less yelling, cussing, or bullying her, because retribution from her would be swift and severe. Never mind that I was also raised the same way your kids were, that elders are to be respected. My AARP-card-carrying, senior-citizen-discount-getting mother would stomp a hole in me today if I spoke to her like that, or if she heard me speak to someone else like that.
So I don't know what you can do, if anything. It sounds like this situation has gone on for so long that there is no longer a solution. This is a lesson for all overly-permissive parents out there: This is the future you are creating for yourself.
2007-12-31 10:15:51 · answer #1 · answered by julz 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your local council on aging. Give them the situation and ask if there is something that can be done, maybe counceling for the mother and her hubby. Has the daughter ever hit or threatened to hit? If so, something needs to be done. If you don't know how to find the council on aging, call the police non-emergency number or the hospital for help in finding it.
2007-12-31 07:36:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not right, what the daughter is doing.I agree with
Miss Rhonda.If you want to keep your friend.( Stay Out! )
Your best friend can say what ever she wants to her daughter.
The day you cross that line,they will both turn on you.
57 is still young.People at that age,are not afraid of their
sons/daughters no matter how loud they yell.
If you are finding this hard to deal with & need someone to
talk to click on my avatar.Just be there for your friend with out
interfering with her sons/daughters.
2007-12-31 03:18:04 · answer #3 · answered by rick 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cannot change a persons behavior overnight. Many people will give you different opinions ... some say do not interfere, some say you should.
Some people, like this daughter, grow up to be selfish and all about themselves despite the upbringing they had. They cannot be insulted because they are too into themselves.
The best you can do is be your friends best friend, and hopefully you can help her; however, she will not change until she gets over her guilt of having such a daughter. (Sounds like she feels guitly for something she feels she did not accomplish with this daughter.. which may be the reason why the daughter is this disrespectful??).
Anyway, the best you can do is help your friend keep her sanity. Just be her friend and do what you feel is right.
2007-12-31 02:09:50 · answer #4 · answered by STEK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I saw a lady pushing an old man in a wheelchair a couple of years ago, and as she passed me she was telling him how he was a burden and a waste of space to her and her family. The old man didn't look as if he was even WITH it, let alone able to argue with her snide remarks. Of course, I may have the wrong end of the stick and he may have been exactly what she said he was, but I did react, and I told her to stop being such a child. She was certainly surprised, but she didn't deny anything I said of her.
But in your situation, it really depends on what the outcome would be. I would certainly never put up with anyone saying anything bad within my family.
2007-12-31 00:41:11 · answer #5 · answered by English Rose (due 2nd May) 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You were brought up right, not everyone is. That relationship must have existed for some time, and will be difficult to correct, and then only if they are both willing to improve it. You could suggest such a thing as counseling, the decision is theirs to make. Seniors are often ignored by their children and sometime suffer abuse. The Area Agency on Aging in your area may help the mother and step father. The Picture you see is wrong it is verbal abuse of the Parents by this daughter, who may well be looking for a way to detach from the parents
There is nothing wrong with you, and your willingness to help is to be praised it must be difficult to be present with them and listen to this kind of abuse . God Bless and a Happy New Year
2007-12-31 00:40:49 · answer #6 · answered by pooterilgatto 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
57 is not that old. that the woman cant stand up for herself. If the woman was in her 70s or 80's I would step in. other than this I'd mind my own business,.
2007-12-31 00:31:50 · answer #7 · answered by Winters child 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There may be underlying reasons why your friend allows this behaviour from her daughter.I can treuly answer this from bitter experience it has taken me over 5 years to finially get my daughter not to treat me simarly as yourfriend is being treated, but i said one day enough .i dont wantto take this any more. see the thing is proberly your friend has grandchildren to this woman and she doesnt want to loose that realtionship. beleive me grandchildren can be a mighly powerful weapon with parent's . your friend needs to work out if she can actually give up being close the grandkids for her own sanity. if there is no grandkids then i suggest she cuts her out completely andeven gets anew cell phone number ad changes locks ect.
2007-12-31 00:30:55 · answer #8 · answered by ladylilacdragon 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She should have put her foot down a long time ago- Sounds like she raised a spoiled brat and is now dealing with the consequences- I don't think any intervention will help at this point- Your friend sounds totally co-dependent and will probably be unwilling to cut her daughter off as she should-
2007-12-31 00:29:27 · answer #9 · answered by :) 6 · 9⤊ 0⤋
there isnt much you can do unfortunately, obviously the daughter is used to speaking to mom this way, and mom is used to putting up with it..... if I were you, i would keep my nose out of it, the mother dosent want to tell off the daughter, there isnt much you can do, the mom will tire of listening to you ***** at her about it, you can tell daughter off but one of these days, mom will turn on you.... blood is thicker than water......
2007-12-31 00:28:26 · answer #10 · answered by Miss Rhonda 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋