I am wondering what the general feeling is. We have a 4 month and 2 year old. We have zero romantic time. like 5 times in 07. Granted she wazs preggers for 9 months. However, we have had 2 times since August. Yes I know kids etc. She gets up early with the kids and I stay up late so she can sleep. Howevr, she goes to bed at 900/1000 pm\. It seems like she does not care.
We have been arguing a fair amount the last couple months. I.E. on Christmas at my parents house our son was out of control. I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him 3 feet onto the carpet. She snapped and yelled" you wont drag my son by his arm we arent hillbillys" This was done in fromt of both my parents. I felt like she had no respect for me.
That along with her never making time for US. I have been on vacation now for 9 days and not once has she tried to stay up with me or even make time for us!
I know I got a alot of issues here.
Help
2007-12-30 15:55:42 · 8 answers · asked by Happy times 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
I'm sure you've read the other responses, I agree with most, I just wanted to say that her hormones still haven't leveled out yet (from being pregnant). This is especially true if she is breastfeeding. Those hormones KILL a sex drive! (add that to not wanting to do it because you're tired or whatever and there you have it!) lol Also, sorry to say but when there's a new baby (and another toddler to take care of) hubby is not top priority anymore!
What you can do: help her with the kids. When you get home from work (or whenever) ask her what you can do to help her. Trust me that after a long day of changing diapers x 2, cooking and feeding kids, the last thing I want to do is have sex or be intimate. My husband knows that a happy, relaxed mama is a happy wife. Just remember that.
2007-12-30 19:03:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two kids are tiring and time consuming, and beyond that, blame mother nature.
Truth is nature provides for women to focus on their children for a period of time after they are born, and sex? Not that interesting.
Perhaps because you and your wife have had two children in the last 4 years, you are not as "connected to each other" these days because the kids are a distraction and take up so much of your time?
Maybe you could arrange for a babysitter, and ask her out on a proper date -- a couple times a month. Bring her home something she likes (it doesn't have to be flowers). Maybe you could call her once in a while and let her know you're picking up dinner... and bringing it home. Buy her favorite candy. Get her a nice candle, or just some little token... (does she collect something? maybe that's an idea).
Let her know you love her and want to rekindle YOUR relationship as a couple.
Take hikes, join a gym and go together, go to the zoo or take her to a museum. There are endless possibilities.
another thing you could do is play games together on the weekend or in your spare time -- even a couple hands of cards... will give you something interactive to do and you could chat about things while you're playing.
i'm sure that staying home and looking at each other, and expecting to have sex after no interaction for god-knows-how-long is as exciting as nothing... we have to put effort into our relationships or they become stale.
take care.
2007-12-30 18:15:46 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's hard for you to understand....but try! She's just getting over her pregnancy, and her horomones still might be kind of out of wack! I'm pregnant now, and it seems like the littlest thing will set me off....ill either get really mad! or cry!
And i'm sooooooo tired all the time. I don't want to do anything! nothing at all! But i have to ...i have a 14 month old, and she's running around everywhere! I'm sure she gets really tired during the day, having two kids and all....i know i'll probably be the same way....
As for the arm thing...if my husband did that...I know it seemed like the only method to you, ...but i would get mad also! (just trying to give the truth, no offense). You have to find other ways of disciplining a child other than being physical...that teaches them to be physical. but anyway.....just my two cents...that's not set in stone or anything.
If you're not getting anything from her end, ...you've been on vacation...have you tried to plan something for just the two of you?
Like having your parents watch the kids for a couple hours, and treating her to a night out...or a night of relaxation with just yall? Right now, she needs to be woo-ed to get her "in the mood."
Two kids all day is hard....going from one...to one AND being pregnant, to TWO is really hard! It's a big change! She's just getting adjusted. It'll get better. You just have to figure out how to balance all this stuff! Two kids takes up alot of time, and there's hardley enough time to find some free time to take a bath and do your hair! much less sleep...OR have "realations" ....lol...but you have to make time! Plan a nice evening to sweep her off her feet!---again---and see how it works for you. just don't make any more babies yet. lol.
ps: take into consideration, in the back of every mothers mind...that have multiple kids....the "things" husbands want to do....well....that brought about those multiple kids...and that's probably her least favorite thing to be doing just after being pregnant (only because that was the cause of her becoming prego....if that makes sense...kinda hard to word)
2007-12-30 16:10:32 · answer #3 · answered by Jada and Ty's mommy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she's so used to not having intimacy that she doesn't think about it. Maybe you should tell her that you miss her. Do something nice for her. Send the kids to a sitter and take her out. Or maybe just stay in you and her. You can't expect her to read your mind. I know for my husband and I had a few issues since I am pregnant, but if I don't feel wanted then I would rather just go to bed too. Try helping her out. She may just be stressed out.
2007-12-30 16:04:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, let me say for a start that this sounds like the same story as i have heard from pretty much EVEYONE who has little kids, especially when they are pretty close together (mine are about 2 yrs apart, then another 3 1/2 yrs later). um, i think from a woman's perspective there is alot of pressure from her guys to get romantic, and from my experience, that is the last thing i want to do. there is so much full on physical demands from small children (especially if she is breastfeeding), that we often feel as though there is nothing left for us - sex with our partners can come on like yet another physical chore (even though we still love yous). then for the guy, he often withdraws/gets grumpy and takes away what we emotionally need, since his needs aren't being met - a catch 22 that has ended many a relationship... your wife is probably not actually lacking respect for you, just needs to put herself first - well, not first, but second after the children. after all, we have to be happy with ourselves to make someone else happy. and if i were to be honest, as a wife and mother the one thing i think i would like more than anything else id not a nice romantic evening with my husband but just to be left for a day without anyone touching, grabbing, pulling me!!!! good luck, i suggest you ask you wife if any of this rings true for her - its the case for me but everyones different of course.
2007-12-30 16:10:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two have to find a time and sitdown talk it over. Say what is bothering you and you would like her to have some time for you. And so for you to listen on what she has to say. Besides, being housewife is not that real easy as man think, there are tons of things to take care of. Have you ever tried taking care of the kids and house chores for few days so that your wife can take a few day off for herself? If she has the support from you I think it will be better in your relationship.
For what i can see is: man after married will still stay most of what they are and so their lifestyle, but for woman especially who have kids will totally change their lifestyle and even sacrified most of their time to the family. Try to understand this and put yourself in her shoes. There are still many years to go for your marriage, if you do love her then safe the marriage, compromises is a must to ensure both are happy.
2007-12-30 19:00:14 · answer #6 · answered by woodpecker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mabe send the kids to grandparents for the weekend? or at least a whole day out with no kids?talk to her aboutit
2007-12-30 17:29:50 · answer #7 · answered by Moo moo I'm a chicken 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling for you two and the family issues. It works wonders.
2007-12-30 16:55:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋