was it wrong of me to give my m-i-l till april 1st to get out?

Question

I'll sum things up quick...
1) she has been living with us since august of 2004 and it was discussed as a temporary situation.
2) she rarely contributes towards groceries and never contributes towards the household bills.
3) she is LAZY and never contributes towards keeping the house clean.
4) her bedroom looks like a crackhouse! She has been asked to clean it up atleast 400 times and mrefuses.
5) she never baths! she wears cheap perfume to cover her body stench.
6) she never raised my wife. She was too busy partying and pawned her off to her mother.
7) my wife moved out on her own at 17 and took her brother and provided for him while the mother continued to party.
8) she has never taken responsibility for herself. She has always had a sugar daddy take care of her and pay her bills. He died 4 years ago.
9) she only makes about $9.50 an hour and probably cannot afford her own place. Is this my concern?

10) she never offers to fix or replace anything she breaks in the house.
11) SHE STINKS AS MENTIONED BEFORE!
12) she argues with my teenage kids and actually stoops to their mentality level.
I gave her till April 1st to figure something out and be out! I work 2 jobs (70 hours a week) to keep a roof over my family's heads. She should do the same for herself.

Should i go to the courthouse and file papers or just hope that she honors my wishes and leaves?

Trixxie That was well put. I have always viewed her being here as toxic to my family. My wife never wanted her here in the first place but I brought her in so she would not be on the streets. I now know why she didn't want her here! Someone else said she might have mental problems.. nah shes just a dirty pig and has always been. On the other hand my wife is a neat freak and the two are always butting heads. Thanks for the good advice everyone.

AB, me and the wife and kids included (they live here as well) are all on the same page and want her gone. I had to say something because I brought her here.

Answer 1

I agree, get her out. I don't know how your wife feels, but she has to realize that you and the kids are her family first, everyone else comes second. She is toxic, she couldn't raise her own family and she will destroy yours if you keep her. Either get her out or set up an apartment in the basement with no access to the upstairs and start charging her a 30% of her income for rent. If she complains, let her know she is dipping in to your kids education fund. She can't argue with that; if she does toss her out. $9.50 / hr is enough for one person to live on; she can get subsidized housing.

Answer 2

First give her the opportunity to honor your request. You gave her till April, so you should honor your word. Secondly, what does your wife have to say about this situation? Your wife should be the one talking to her mother about this situation, and your wife should honor your feelings. You are the provider and protector of your family. If you feel that your mother-in-law is creating an unhealthy environment for your family, you are completely valid in the way you feel. You need to talk to your wife about those things.

If April comes around and she has refused to move out, you should put your foot down. Do not accept no for an answer. Filing papers would be one way to handle it, but I am pretty sure that you can get it done without having to go that route.

I had a similar situation with my husband's grandmother last year. She originally told us she was coming for a visit and stayed 3 months. She told us after arriving that she wanted to stay on with us indefinately. After about a month she was driving me crazy! She wouldn't help with anything, and complained about everything. It was starting to cause problems between my husband and myself. So, I had the talk with my husband. We came to a mutual agreement that she had to go, and that was it. She left. I took her to the airport and put her on a plane, and sent her butt home.

What ever you decide to do, it is going to be difficult if you and your wife are not on the same page. I truly encourage you to talk to her.

Answer 3

You have been mooched off of for to long. You are being more than kind by giving het until Apr 1st. As for filing papers I would do that as a last resort, as the months go by as long as she is seriously making headway to being on her on then no, but if she isn't even bothering to get out there and find her own place then I would take the steps to make sure she is out by Apr. Good luck.

Answer 4

No, it is not wrong! Good for you for standing up for yourself and your family. I am surprised you took her in to begin with. At worst, she can rent a room someplace. You can certainly mention that, since she hasn't contributed to the household bills for more than 3 years, she should have been able to save a lot of money to cover her expenses.

She sounds as though she might have a problem with depression, though - that could contribute to the lack of cleanliness in body and in room. But I suppose it is ultimately not your problem. You have given enough.

Answer 5

I'm astounded that you have allowed this to go on so long.
What does your wife say about it?
Call Social Services and have her evaluated to see if they can help her. She may have a mental disability.
And yes, I would give her an ultimatum and stick to it. Try to see that she is all right if she will cooperate, but you are not obligated to take care of her personally.
Take care of your marriage, though.

Answer 6

Wow, you must be a very great guy to put up with that for so long.....personally I wouldn't wait for April, but it is more than fair and will give her plenty of time to find someone else to mooch off of.

Answer 7

I think that April the 1st is a more than generous notice to give to your mother in law.
I hope for your sake that she goes.She is not your responsibility.

Answer 8

Give her til March 31 so she doesn't said she thought it was an April Fool joke...

Answer 9

it's reasonable - however...

legally - you have to formally evict her in court to get to truly leave...regardless if you can list 1000 reasons you want her gone. Doesn't matter if she hasn't paid anything, she is a resident of the house.