Replaying the same 'love' stuff?

Question

I realized this after a dream I had. 1st guy was during my 2nd year in college, this guy is during my 2nd year in grad school. I fell pretty hard for both. Both are kinda secretive, mysterious, very nice guys with a bit of an edge. Both were very sweet to me, & did little things for me (i.e. cooked me dinner, went out of their way to come see me, spooned w/ me) & really seemed quite attracted to me. But then, both said they didn't like me under the false pretense of us being "good friends," even though it really felt like they did. Both were attracted to a "pretty, snobby girl." The first 1 literally disappeared (moved away) a few months after the whole thing w/ me. I don't know how the 2nd 1 will end yet. Both of their names even started w/ R. I haven't felt quite as strongly about anyone else as them.
Is this just coincidence? I don't want to fall into this trap. I want to do something dif this time but I don't get how he can seem so into me & then not be? Am I replaying my life...

this might sound weird but I just realized, in HS too, the guy I liked the most was during my 2nd year, whose name started w/ an R, and talked to me every single day for hours on end & was really sweet to me & then said it wasn't mutual when I told him I was interested in him...

Answer 1

Well the typical us citizen views intimate relationships in only one flavour, sexual. What could be the problem is you get to close, yea doesn't make any sense. But we also have a social interpersonal relatioship crisis were we view sexual relationships as being romantic, and friendship as being, well, nothing, just a friend. Problem comes to head that in order to have deep, meaningful relationship you most combind both are else how can you really have commitment? Why commit to a stranger just for some romantic sex? Well takes a few years but eventual everyone ask themselves that question. But I think what your running into is the fact that you don't see people as being different based on anything but their outside, when in truth the difference for us is in ourselves. In the deeper heart of us, and most of the people you've fallen in love with just don't see how you can have friends and a sexual relationship. So it could just be, you like to get close, deep, and geniune and theres no place for that in a romantic relationship. So you need to look for deeper, more geniune individuals to fall in love with. You like me, might have to accept that not all people see the world or the way relationships should be, in the same light. Less that, and maybe your really just easily dismissed by other individuals because you lack any way to defend yourself against it, makes you an easy target for neglect, but I gave you more credit then that.....