My ex and I have a baby. He abandoned me when I was 6 1/2 mos preggo. He's come around from time to time but has offered no support. His parents still do not know about the baby. They recently opened a restaurant and are all very involved. I have given him multiple chances to contribute (time or money) and he has not. I have paid for everything and have no family here. I called him the other night and told him I was taking him to court. He came over the next day and said he was broke and needed 2 years, that he wanted to be there for the baby but has no money. I want to give him a choice. Either tell his parents and help me out a few hours a week, or I file the paperwork and his parents can find out that way, plus be responsible for payments. It's not about the money, however, I have had to find a new job (with less pay) and plus daycare is expensive. I think 2 years is a little too much to ask, b/c what happens after 2 years? What would you do?
2007-12-30 12:58:27 · 16 answers · asked by pussnboots333 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I'm 35 years old and he's 32. I have a good job, and I'm good with my money. I think he needs to step up!!
2007-12-30 13:13:24 · update #1
He has a baby and his parents don't know they have a grandchild???? My goodness girl! File that paperwork tomorrow morning! Do not let another day go by and those poor people do not know they have a grandchild! They are the ones loosing out! Not the father. He obviously is just the sperm doner and just got his kicks and left you kicking the ball. Really sweetheart! Do this child a very good service by offering the grandparents the info that they have a grandchild! To tell you the truth, if it was me, i would file the paperwork and call his parents. Just so they aren't shocked when it comes in the mail. 2 years??? what for??? so he can party some more, get someone else pregnant? Bust this guy in the balls now before he does it again to some other innocent girl. He played the game, now it is time to pay the price. Put up or shut up. I wouldn't give him the time of day. You had his baby and this is how he treats you!?? Don't just sit there and take it hun, get up, get on the phone, file the papers, and call the grandparents. Not only you will be glad you did, but your baby will be glad to know the grandparents and the grandparents will have a new grandbaby to dote on.
Good Luck sweetie. I will pray for you!
2007-12-30 13:11:37 · answer #1 · answered by Barbara F 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be honest...it IS about the money, and it should be!! If he didnt want the responsibility of having a child, he shouldnt have had sex with anyone, because there's always a chance. A single mother without child support is going to have an almost impossible time raising a child, especially without a support system. You shouldnt have to put your life on hold because he doesnt feel like being responsible. I'd file papers...then he has no way out of it.
2007-12-30 13:12:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him he is there for support *emotionally and financially* now and the rest of this child's life or you are taking him to court now and for the rest of the child's life. There is no two year grace period..that is just to shut you up and believe he will come back around in 2 years when he knows he won't be. Unless he starts to show improvement in the next few months that you have left then you will take him to court. Maybe set an agreement that he pays for half of day care and diapers. You pay for half of day care and wipes. If you plan to do formula..check to see if your state has a WIC program and they can get you free formula. There are also programs out there that can give you day care assistance and all. But do not plan on him coming around in 2 years. if he doesn't do it now he won't ever do it period. Good luck!
2007-12-30 13:05:50 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
file the paperwork if you want him to have the legal right to take your baby every other weekend until the kid is 18 years old. plus 2 weeks per year.
you would get child support, but you'll also have to put up w/ him getting parental rights, even as the non-custodial parent.
sounds like he's a lazy slacker, who will always come up w/ excuses. 2 years will not change him.
2007-12-30 13:18:44 · answer #4 · answered by Becky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im not being funny but how old are you?? You must be young to be even asking this question. You NEED to for YOUR CHILD go and file the paperwork for support. Your right it is not about the money, it is about responsibility. You need to be more mature about this and take care of your child's needs, which is too be supported. You shouldnt have to do it all on your own. I do commend you on doing it so far but it is not fair to you or your child.
Good Luck!
2007-12-30 13:06:09 · answer #5 · answered by Ree 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take him to court. Get the emotional side out of it, this is about your child. That way there will be a mathematic formula used to determine the correct amount. Financial support by both parents is something your child deserves, its not like the baby will wait 2 years to eat or need shelter and clothing.
2007-12-30 13:04:20 · answer #6 · answered by Heather Y 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
being the bone headed, stubborn horses behind that i can be, i'd tell him to sign what ever legal forms it takes to release any current or future rights he may have as a "father", and move on without him involved. no baby deserves an inadequate like that involved in their life... that's what i'd do.
BUT, the more civil way of going about a situation like yours would be to file the paper work and take him to court. it's not his parents responsibility to provide any form of support, but maybe if they're informed they could give him the kick in the behind that he needs to grow up and take responsibility. also, i do believe they have the right to know that they have a grandchild, even if it's through you taking a stand and making him man up in court.
2007-12-30 13:57:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
File the paperwork.
Some states require admission of fatherhood within 2 years for rights to claim the child (for the father).
It appears that you have a good relationship with the grandparents, and they should know, regardless of financial responsibility. They may already assume that is the case, but are waiting for you to state the obvious.
Best of luck!
2007-12-30 13:11:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
screw the 2 years. Put the paperwork in now. If the fathers name is not on the birthcertificate and he denies the child it will take a while anyhow to get the paternity test done and for it to come before a judge. He is a dead beat b/c I would do without before my child does without.
2007-12-30 13:05:46 · answer #9 · answered by Bilinda G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The law is on your side. It is his responsibility to offer you some support. I think you are being more than fair with those options. You may, however, want to seek legal advice first. In case he takes the option to help you verses taking him to court - you want to be able to have that as legally binding as child support through the courts.
Good luck!
2007-12-30 13:05:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋