about 4 years ago my 22 year old cousin molested me...I was 12...he touched me all over and fondled my privates...I am a girl...I really want to report it b/c I am always thinking about it & I have nightmares about it...but the problem is that he has a family now and I don't want to ruin his life and I just keep thinking that he just touched me(and also fingered me a little)...why does it affect me so much...also he has a 9 year old daughter and my other cousin is 12...so please I need your help...what should I do? Will I go to court? I live in virginia
2007-12-30 11:10:59 · 74 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Come on to Yahoo answers!
That's what!
Wait, he's 22 and he has a 9 year old daughter?
Man, this story is great, who are you, one of Jerry Springer's people?
Oh, stop it with the thumbs downs, you guys aren't really buying this load of crud, are you?
If so, call me up, I've got bridges and ocean front property to sell.
14 down...that's all???
C'mon...you can do better than that...
2007-12-30 11:13:03 · answer #1 · answered by Jeffari-al-Texani 6 · 3⤊ 17⤋
Tell your parents, tell your school counselor, tell whoever you have to. It will not be easy, but it is important that you can report it and put it all behind you.
Do not be mollified by the fact that he has a family now. For all you know, you may not be the only one he has molested. You may find that your own family may have a problem believing you, families can be extremely short-sighted about such things. Stick to your guns, it's your head you are trying to get straight.
You may find out that there is not much you can do. I don't know the laws in Virginia. But if you do what you can, and get some counseling, you can put those nightmares to rest.
2007-12-30 11:21:32 · answer #2 · answered by Computer Guy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to turn him in to the cops. It will save his family he has now a lot of pain. He might molest his daughter or other people. How will you feel if someone else gets hurt and you know you could have stopped it? His wife is married to someone she doesn't know. She would want to know. It is hard. I was molested when I was nine by my step dad. I felt bad too about breaking my family up so I did nothing. I had to live with him until I was 14 and finally did something about it. It messed me up a lot emotionally. You need to talk to someone about it for yourself. It won't just go away. You should see about going to counseling or a group where other people have experienced similar things. You may have to go to court. Be strong and have others help you as much as you can get.
2007-12-30 11:18:44 · answer #3 · answered by ME 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you report a crime, he will liekly be arested and prosicuted, and do some jail time depends on the situation.
he committed a crime, and altered your life even more than if he beat you with a bat and broke both of your legs... and I am pretty sure that would have gotten some atention
My view?... he has a daugher that is in danger.... as well as any other girl in his path. it is not your job to sort out what is justice. there is a system for that, and dont you feel guilty if you report him and he is punished... he ruiend his life, not you.
you definatly need councling, and councelrs are required by law to report this stuff... so you have a choice....... either you pay tha price of his crime, and all of the other girls he molested, ( very sldom is it just one girl) or let him pay the price....... it is his crime.... I dont think you would go sit in jail if he robbed a gas station for him would you?... then dont ssit in the jail of nightmares, fear and difficulty in relationships for him
you have the key to your cell, use it
2007-12-30 11:19:19 · answer #4 · answered by Joel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to your parents and see what they want you to do. Should they want to pursue reporting him you'll have to file a complete police report, and may have to make a court appearance if you want any actions taken against him. With the fact that it's been 4 years and you have no evidence, it's going to be your word against his, but should you be put in a court situation, just stand your ground, and don't back down.
It's affecting you so much because it was an uncomfortable situation that you know you should not have been in, especially when you're with family. You need to talk to somebody so that they can help you get passed this.
Good Luck!
2007-12-30 11:16:02 · answer #5 · answered by Peatea 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I am sorry to read your story. I am 31 and was molested from the age of 9 - 14 by my uncle. I never reported or told anytone about it until 3 yrs ago.I am now 31 and unable to maintain a commited relationship and are still in therapy. I have been on and off antidepressants for 3 yrs. I cut and i have tried to commit suicide. I still think about it everyday. why am I telling you this? Please speak to a councellor straight away. Whether its your GP or a school councellor it doesnt matter. I honestly beleive if i spoke to somone sooner i would be years ahead in my recovery...
good luck and look after your self..
2007-12-30 11:36:41 · answer #6 · answered by Mel B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You definitely need to tell your parents! If not for yourself, for his daughter, your cousin and even for him. He has a problem and he needs help. You also need help dealing with this especially since you still have nightmares. What he did was just as wrong as it would be if it went further. I'm not sure if you will have to go to court. I think that depends on your family and how they want to proceed. Don't keep this inside or it will kill you a little at a time. PLEASE tell someone (hopefully, your parents)! Good luck and God Bless You!!!
2007-12-30 11:19:21 · answer #7 · answered by shelly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
talk to your school counselor or a trusted teacger, He violated your trust, and worse yet what if the same thing is happening to your cousin or his daughter, would you want them to experience the pain and nightmares that you are going through? You did not ruin his life, He Did, NO ONE has the right to molest you. Please either tell your parents, school counselor, teacher, or someone you trust, you shouldn't try to handle this alone, you may need to talk to someone, I don't know about Virginia, but where I live they definitely do something about it. Please report it to someone before he does this to someone else , chances are he already has.
2007-12-30 11:24:22 · answer #8 · answered by karen h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're in a tough position because you have a problem that might get worse if you go to the wrong person for advice.
So with that said, choose carefully who you want to disclose your problem to. Personally, you shouldn't feel guilty about causing problems in his life if you report him. It's his fault--not yours. You didn't ask for this situation. He created it. He brought everything on himself, and every bad thing coming his way is deserved, incluing personal humililation and criminal prosection.
It affects you because its a normal human reaction for someone in your position.
I suggest first you go to the police. If he knows that you are trying to ruin him, he might try to harm you or kill you in order to keep this a secret. You already said he has his own family, and I'm sure a job. He has a lot to lose and might do something crazy to shut you up.
I would also suggest you go to the police yourself. It's possible your parents don't want to bring personal shame into the family for their own selfish reasons and might try to shut you up too.
For your own protection, what's best for you is to call the police when you have some time alone and do this yourself. I wish you best of luck.
2007-12-30 11:21:31 · answer #9 · answered by ctown 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a survivor of molestation/abuse. You must tell someone. I know you have kept it under wraps for long time, but isn't it eating away at you? You have to tell, it's important that you do. It isn't your fault that he did what he did. If he goes out and robs a bank, do you think the law will feel sorry for him and let him go for sake of his wife or kid? NO. It's his own damn fault for robbing the bank. He must be reported and then you must seek the help of a qualified therapist. It's not your fault, remember that, no matter what anyone says.
2007-12-30 11:18:42 · answer #10 · answered by thewildeman2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are some toll free hotlines set up for victims of sexual abuse. You can speak with the operators anonymously and they can help you with deciding you next actions.
The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network is the nation's largest anti-sexual assault organization.
http://www.rainn.org/
Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence web site.
http://www.vadv.org/
You should REALLY talk to someone trained in helping victims. They can give you accurate advise. Seeing a 'counselor' or 'therapist' would be my ultimate suggestion, but it doesn't sound like you are at that point yet so the sexual abuse hotline is the first step.
2007-12-30 11:21:00 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋