If I limit my mother-in-law's visitation with her grandson, can she sue for grandparents' rights?

Question

Let me tell you what is going on so you know my dilemma. I was giving grandmother once a week to visit with her grandson at our home. However, grandmother is a very sensitive person and always takes everything I say in the most negative way that she can. The last time she didn't like something I said, she threw a big "temper tantrum" over the phone to my husband and accused me of making her feel like she wasn't welcome at our home and robbing her of her grandparenthood. I was only being a good mother and telling her that I didn't agree with her view on parenting in a certain area of my child's life. I feel like I have a right as a parent to have "my way" with my son. Furthermore, I don't appreciate being accused of things that I haven't done just because she didn't get her way and we have different beliefs and views on parenting. I have always treated her kindly when she visits. My husband has no idea what is going on because he is hardly ever there when she does visit.

I also found out from a family member of mine that mother-in-law has been running her mouth about me to everyone; she even had the nerve to call this family member that told me about it. She has accused me of having postpartum depression (just because I disagree with her on parenting) and God only knows what else she has said about me. I don't trust her anymore. I don't want to be around her alone anymore because the last time she accused me of treating her badly, it caused a lot of problems in my marriage. So from now on she doesn't visit unless my husband is there to see for himself what is going on. My question is, can she take me to court and complain about not being able to visit as much as she would like with her grandson? She has already accused me of trying to keep her away from her grandson, but I'm just not comfortable being around her alone anymore. If she did take me to court and try to sue, is there a possibility that she would be able to get more visitation?

I live in Kentucky and I have read about grandparents' rights. But don't my rights as a parent count for something? I want my child to be able to grow up in a peaceful environment with parents that love each other and get along. But grandmother's attitude makes that almost impossible. I'm not denying her visitation altogether. I'm just limiting her visitation to keep peace in my marriage and in our family.

My husband talked with her over the phone the last time she accused me of treating her badly and told her it might be best if she only visit when he is home. She said "yeah, you're probably right. Probably would be for the best" but she still calls me when he is at work and wants to come visit. How do I tell her without causing a big fight that I don't want her over unless my husband is home? The last time she wanted to visit, I told her "no" and had to keep repeating myself to get my message across to her. She kept trying to persuade me to let her come over with her "buts." Yes, grandfather would have been there too, but I don't know how he feels about me. He may be on her side, for all I know. I'm afraid if I keep denying her visitation when my husband is not home, she is going to try to fight for her "rights." I'm a stay-at-home mom and I just don't want to deal with her anymore (or anyone for that matter) without my husband there to back me up. Help please!

I don't understand why some people that have posted answers on here always seem to be defending the mother-in-law, unless maybe they are mother-in-laws themselves. She is the grandmother, not the mother of this child. Being grandparents is a privilege, not a right in my opinion. And no, I am not using my son to punish her or get even with her. If I wanted to do that, do you think I would have ever allowed her a once a week visit? I'm only putting limitations on when she visits to keep peace in my family. I don't know what the woman's agenda is, or if she even has an agenda. All I know is every time I say something she doesn't like, she throws one of her little "temper tantrums" and gets in her "poor little innocent me" mood. I'm tired of dealing with a mother-in-law with the mentality of a 3 year old child. So from now on I'm going to treat her like I would my son if he were 3 years old. The whining that she does is no longer going to be rewarding. Time for her to grow up.

Answer 1

You are ABSOLUTELY CORRECT note the advice you get from some mother in laws here are insulting, none-productive, and most have problems they create with their own daughter in laws.

That being said, I would not worry about her suing you as she would have to show that you are refusing her to see her grandchild Not having the visitations as often as she would like will not hold up in court. I would also tape her next time she has a temper tantrum as a back up. Sad to say your husband allows this to go on. This is his mother and if he would let her know what the boundaries are then she can either respect them or continue with the situation as is.

There is no reason you need to be a watch dog to your child because your mother in law is a drama queen. As far as I am concerned you're correct in not wanting your child to be in the middle of all of this and she is lucky as some woman would have cut her off long ago. If your husband wants to babysit for his mother and your child then good for him. I would go shopping when she comes over. This way you don't upset her. Once your darling husband has to deal with her he will then start to put a stop to her drama as he will not want to hear it like most men and she will then realize that she is not going to win.

Answer 2

I totally agree with "qdee". It sounds to me like you have issues with your mother-in-law and you are using your son to punish her. That is wrong. What is it regarding parenting that you disagree on? Things were probably alot stricter back when her opinions were formed on parenting. Too bad because with world would probably be a better place had we continued with our grandparents values.


EDIT: Well in most cases yes, the grandma is probably a mother-in-law too. Think about it. Yes, I go out of my way to defend mother-in-laws because way, way to many times they get a bad rap. I don't understand why people post questions but only want answers thay they agree with and get upset when there is another point of view. Why bother? Sorry but who is throwing the temper tantrum now?
Also don't parents want their children to grow up with fond memories of visiting their grandparents home? That is only healthy.

Please do not punish her by not letting her see her grandson because of how YOU feel about her. You will be hurting your son too and I hope you wouldn't want to do that.

IT IS AMAZING THAT BECAUSE ONE HAS A POOR RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR OWN MOTHER-IN-LAW THEY ASSUME WE ARE ALL LIKE THAT. NOT TRUE!!

I will say yes you are probably right to have your husband there. If I was your mother-in-law I sure the heck would never want to be left in your prescence alone. And who is the drama queen? Silly but why would you listen to vindictive daughter-in-laws just looking to cause trouble. Once again, misery loves company.

Answer 3

Where I come from, there are no legal rights for grandparents, but your husband needs to be informed of the problem and stand by you. Check out the laws in your state. My money says that visits by grandparents are given only by permission of the parents, and that they have no legal say in how the child should be raised.

Answer 4

I'm sorry, but why does grandma have to come to YOUR home to spend time with her grandchild? and ONLY once a week!!! It sounds to me like these type of stipulations are most likely what is causing the negative feelings ~ If she is a positive influence to your son, than maybe you should relent a little on the CONTROL issues. The reason I say that is because you mention that you have a right as a parent to have "YOUR WAY" with your son......That's pretty telling....and the fact that you would cut her out of your sons life JUST because you dont agree? Sounds like Spite ~ pure and simple.
Anyways, put it this way ~ Try to put yourself in her shoes ~ imagine that that's YOUR son and his future wife (20 yrs from now ) and all of a sudden you can only see your future grandchild with the same stipulations??? Do you think you'd be happy or content to settle for that?
My grandma (on my fathers side) was sooo special in my life & my mom and her never saw eye to eye either... but their own personal feelings were kept out of it when it came to us kids (which is why I feel so strongly about this)
Ultimately, she cant be that bad ~ YOU married her son.

Answer 5

Grandparents do have rights, but that's only if you do not let them see there grandchild and they would have to hire a lawyer and go to court, cost them a lot of money , but they could if they wanted , but they don't have the right to see them as much as they want, as long you don't stop them from seeing there grandchild.

Answer 6

I understand your situation and agree with your line of thinking on the matter. My in laws currently have no visitation with my twins because my MIL refuses to be respectful to me. In our state (IA) they have no rights. They can petition the court, but ultimately my husband and I have the final say. It's sad and ironic because if she (my MIL) would apologize for stuff she has pulled and showed me that she can have a relationship with mutual respect and consideration, I would let them come around. I don't want my precious daughters around anyone who will not be respectful to me. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

You need to be letting your husband deal with her. If you do limit she can try to file for grandparent's rights, but they are very difficult to get. Chances are as long as you are allowing some visits she won't be able to do anything.

Answer 8

videotape it when she is there. Just set a cam up in the room at wide angle and sound on.