How to avoid inviting unknown guests to our wedding?

Question

Hi

My fiance and I are having a small wedding for close family and close friends. His mother has decided she wants to invite her brother-in-law (her deceased sister's husband) and her niece and nephew. I've never met them and my fiance doesn't know them very well: he hasn't seen them for a year. The BIL now has a new partner. The nephew and niece have partners too.

Given, we are NOT inviting a lot of OUR own close friends, how do we avoid inviting the girlfriends/boyfriends of these not very close relatives.

Thanks.

Answer 1

Explain to your MIL that you are on a tight budget, and because you do not know these people, and will probably not see them that often you do not feel comfortable inviting them. Also tell her you two are also compromising on your guest lists.

Answer 2

This is a really tough one. Just because an invitation says "Mrs. John Smith" on it doesn't mean that Mrs. John Smith won't bring along a guest. It happened at my wedding and it happens at other weddings ALL THE TIME. People can often be very crass about this sort of thing. They feel entitled to bring a guest even if a guest is not listen on their invitation. You and your fiance will have to speak to your future mil in person about this. Explain -- gently! -- that your guest list only allows for people you are exceptionally close to. Tell her that although you appreciate her desire to include other people, your budget doesn't allow for it and you really want your wedding day to be special for you and your husband. It will probably tick her off -- there's no way around that. I hope your fiance is on your side because if he isn't now, he won't be once the vows are said and then you'll have a whole lot of trouble on your hands (been there, done that). If your fiance agrees with you, he should speak to his mother about it. End of story.

Answer 3

Simply no. You are on a very limited budget and you have made sacrifices by cutting your own lists. Maybe the BIL and guest could be considered once you start receiving RSVPs. You will be commited to a minimum number for your venue or caterer. Nothing wrong with a B list to invite once responses have been received and you need to meet your minimum, but it should be who you want or had to cut originally. Usually 5-7% of your guests decline for various reasons. But if you have only invited close friends and family chances are most will come. MOG will have to deal. Perhaps she is willing to host the rehersal party and invite them or something at her home at a later date so you can get acquainted. Stick to what ever you think fits best in your plans and budget. List never seems to end once you extend it for a long lost friend or relative of someone and then only multiplies when the "one more" has a partner, or its a package deal with children or siblings.

Answer 4

Very Simple. Your wedding is by invitation only .Make a list of all the guests you wish to invite and send each an invitation...couples can be addressed as such (mr & mrs.) or Ms. So and So & guest.
Those who will be invited singly will be addressed as Mr or Mrs. or Ms. or Miss.
Now make sure you include R.S.V.P cards....make sure they are worded so singles understand it's just them....for example
Mr/Ms/Mrs.(you fill in the name)... will/ will not attend.

If the invite doesn't say guest then a guest can't bring a guest.
Each invite is person specific...

send the invitations out at least 8 weeks before the wedding.

Most people asume only those who receive an invite can attend....if someone has the chutzpah to ask if they can bring or invite someone, tell them you only have so many seats that your budgit will allow, and all seats are taken....
...or if it's being catered, you can afford only so much food, and you've already reached what your budgit allows.

Answer 5

If you have a set number of guests you can invite why not add a few of your own close friends and then there wont be room for them. If they are not close to him or his mother than they probably wont care if they get invited or not. A lot depends on who is paying for the wedding and how you are dividing up the reception spots between both of your families. No better time than now to start having open communications with your MIL.

Answer 6

First let's discuss the "no ring = no bring" stuff, and then we'll get to your groom's uncle. First, invite every single guest by name, even children: no "and family" or "and guest" wording. Married people are invited as couple, receiving a joint invitation. If people are living together in a state of darn-near-marriage, they are also usually invited jointly in a single invitation; write each name on a seperate line.

Engaged persons must both be invited, but receive seperate invitations. Each child gets his or her own invitation too, but it's OK to mail a bunch of invitations to a single address in a big envelope, as long as each one is in its own smaller envelope inside the big one. If you want to allow someone to bring a guest, you call that person and ask "Is there someone special you'd like for me to invite for you?" If they instantly produce a name, the send that special person an invitation. Under no circumstances do you allow yourself to be bullied into issuing an open ended permission to bring some anonymous date scrounged up from who knows where at the last minute. Why should YOU pay for a champagne supper for THEIR guest?

The hard part is those people who are so innocent of manners that they don't realize how incorrect it is for guests to bring guests of their own. You "head them off" by doing your RSVPs by phone. That way there can be no misunderstanding of who is and is not being invited. (This also lets you tell people stuff like driving directions, how dressed up to get, what kind of food you're serving, and tons of other stuff you can't cram into the invitation. Better yet, people ask what sort of gift you'd like. You need not take and make the calls yourself; this is a perfect job for the wedding party.)

Now, about your new MIL. She wants to show off her handsome son on this special day and for whatever reason it is this BIL and his children to whom she wants to show off. If partner means spouse (or virtual spouse), then inviting one and not the other would be highly incorrect or very awkward respectively. Could you possibly accommodate these three to six people simply to please your new MIL? I don't see anything exceptional about people coming to a wedding that are not well known to the bride or groom, so long as they ARE well known to one of the parents. At most, ask the groom's side if they could trim a bit elsewhere to help accommodate these people whom your new MIL is so anxious to include.

Congrats and best wishes.

Answer 7

Invitations generally include a RSVP card, where you can have the wording speak for itself. If it is only addressed to the person you do want to invite, etiquette dictates they cannot bring a guest. If it addresses "Mr Smith +1" or "Mr Smith and guest" or something along those lines, it signifies they are allowed to bring a guest.

Answer 8

explain that 2 them that yall just want a small weddin with close family and friends and that u weren't able 2 invite everyone u wanted 2 cuz of that reason and ask them not 2 bring anyone. they should understand becuz it's your day and u get 2 decide how u want it 2 be

Answer 9

Maybe you could consult with wedding invitiation professional. You could put the niece's or newphew's name on the invitation and do not leave a space for their guest's name.

Answer 10

Your mothers and fathers owe it to you to do some injury administration for my area. and you and your husband could desire to adhere on your weapons on your very final guestlist count variety in the different case its going to get out of control leaving you with a invoice you in easy terms can't have adequate money, and the worst factor ever, is coming homestead from the honeymoon with a brilliant monetary disaster to start up your marriage- YUCK. so which you kindly tell those those which you didnt forget, you had a variety set and its in easy terms honest you and your fiance split those numbers up the two to accomidate his instantaneous kinfolk and yours, there became no left overs and unfortunatly the fee of the comprehensive affair is on your tabs and you in easy terms can't have adequate money to characteristic extras. We have been truly fortunate we had greater monetary help from the two one in each of our mothers and fathers, yet we had an analogous difficulty along with his mothers and fathers telling us we forgot to ask people (includign the acquaintances weve under no circumstances met lol) I merely advised the inlaws to be that my kinfolk became contributing the two and that i had kinfolk I wish i'm going to have invited- yet could desire to no longer because of the fact of fees- this set the tone for her that inviting acquaintances and distant kin became unlikely to ensue fairly if I couldnt invite 2d cousins I had seen recently.....perchance it works saying this approximately your fiances kinfolk on your loved ones related to the additions. None the less, not greater travelers. the least perplexing way out of this comprehensive undertaking is to declare and that i quote "we are at our venue's means and we can no longer make greater beneficial ANY invites to travelers"