How do I get my boyfriend to stop treating me like his maid?

Question

I have been living with my boyfriend for about four months now and I do everything for him! I use to think he appreciated it but now im not sure because he uses the ******** tone when asking somehting of me! I dont know how to tell him to stop asking me to do stuff with out starting a fight with him? When I tell him Im not going to do something he makes me feel guilty and says fine I will never ask you to do anything again than he doesnt really talk to me for a couple of hours what do i do? I know he loves me and he really doesnt see what he is doing how do I get this to stop with out destroying what we have?

Answer 1

I live with my boyfriend too. So I know how you feel.

I think this happens when you first start doing things for him and after awhile they guy gets used to it so they think you will do every thing for him.

My boyfriend used to be the same way until I asked him to help me. Like when he wants me to cook for him I ask him well why don't you come in the kitchen and help me cook.

Or last weekend when I wanted to clean the bathroom and the kitchen. I asked him can you help me. And while I washed the walls he moped the floors and cleaned the stove.

Trying doing that. Even when you do laundry. Ask him to bring the basket for you. Tell him you will do the rest.

Then when he asked you to get a drink get it for him, but when you want a drink ask him and see if he'll get it for you.

I'm not saying it will work. But it worked for me. Cause I used to do every thing. Like clean the room, cook, laundry. Now, we do it together. Sometimes he cooks and do things for me as well. So give it a try.

Answer 2

it's always hard when you first move in together. try telling him that you're not his mother and you shouldn't have to do everything for him. or start asking him to do things for you. if neither works, then i'd tell him that i don't mind doing things for him but if he doesn't start showing some appreciation, then i'm hitting the road. threats are never good though so if you say that, then you have to really mean it. if things don't change, then you might want to leave, no one deserves to be treated like a slave. i know, it took me 8 years to get out of a relationship like that, and i'm a lot happier now that i am.

Answer 3

sorry - but you started this whole thing off wrong

you are now his doormat.

you (for your own self esteem) must break it off-

BUT are things 50/50?
who's paying the rent? if HE is and you just hang around - well then perhaps make it a straight up deal- you do housework - HE pays rent (will that be okay with you?)

if you got to pay the rent, AND do the housework - you have the power - and can either kick him out- give 30 days notice and move to a fresh start -

but if he really LOVES you- and not just USEs you, he wouldn't be an 4$$ about it -

love is when you will actually struggle TOGETHER for a common goal - where are you heading in life? jobs? degrees? artist? Writer?

going nowhere? get moving life is shorter than you think

Answer 4

Well you started off doing everything for him just like parents mistakingly do for kids. Then one day the child now spoiled no longer appreciates what the parents do because it has become an expectation of what they deserve. See, this is how your boy views the housework situation. You spoiled him now he is a brat. You need to pop the tit out his mouth and let him feed himself. If he don't like it tell him to hire a maid because you are not it.

Answer 5

All I can say is if you wanna put up with being his maid just so you won't feel guilty about saying no to him, then you'll be very un happy, not only that but he'll get used to it and always treat you like that.
So tell him that you don't like being treated like a maid. Simple.

Answer 6

Tell him how you feel, if you are honestly doing more work around the house then he is, and you feel like he's treating you that way then the best way for it is to tell him how you feel. If it starts a fight or he says something really derogatory ("Women are SUPPOSED To clean the house and take out the trash!") then it's time to boot out and find somebody who will treat you with respect. They aren't worth it :)

Answer 7

OK go up 2 him n say babe i fell DAT u r using me as Ur maid n really wish u would treat me like Ur girlfriend n not Ur maid n if u do DAT 4 me i will do a Lil something 4 u

Answer 8

I don't understand? you don't want to lose the wonderful life of slavery? No man that loves a woman treats her like that. It should never start a fight when you express your feelings. if it does it proves how imature he is. He should respond out of love and admiration for you. There are real men out there that worship the ground you walk on.

Answer 9

You stop allowing him to treat you as him maid...period.

When he asks, you politely decline. It will only get worse if you don't "nip it in the bud" now. If he gets mad and starts treating you differently, you will know you don't want to live with this guy. Better to learn this now than later.

You both need to learn to share 50/50 in the stuff that needs to be done at home.

Answer 10

Stop enabling him. You are letting him make you his servant. Big mistake, to live with him, because one little argument and you are out on the street (unless you are on his lease which makes for another problem, do you know, he could just go off one day himself, and stick you with all of the rent ?).