Dear Tom,
It was such a pleasure meeting you last Thursday. I appreciate the time you took out to interview me for the Office Manager position at ***. Your extensive and detailed description of the company, as well as the daily tasks and supervisory responsibilities of the job has without a doubt confirmed my desire to be a part of your very successful team.
I truly believe that you have found the perfect candidate in me; in turn, I have found a company that I not only want to work for, but be an essential part of. I'm positive that I can offer *** the leadership that you are looking for. In addition, among other vital strengths, I will bring to the company my personal initiative and excellent problem-solving skills. I'd like to express to you how particularly impressed I am with the office atmosphere, the wonderful products you offer, and most important, the company's philosophy of exceptional customer service. It is exactly what I am looking for.
(will end appropriately)
2007-12-30 07:00:13 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Business & Finance ➔ Careers & Employment ➔ Other - Careers & Employment
I suggest tightening up the prose a bit. You have some unnecessary words. Some of the words you did use can be replaced with shorter ones. I am an aficionado of the exuberant exployment of polysyllabically effusive verbiage, but it's not as pleasant to read as plain speaking.
"It was a pleasure" rather than "it was such a pleasure" is an example. Break up lengthy sentences. The semicolon is not your friend.
You begin most of your sentences with "I." Ratchet that back a bit.
2007-12-30 07:04:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
In general I think this is a good letter (although possibly a little full of superlatives)! I would suggest however, that you back up some of your statements about yourself - e.g. you say 'I'm positive that I can offer *** the leadership that you are looking for' but don't say why. This is a good opportunity to remind them about why you will do this - e.g. "I'm positive that I can offer *** the leadership that you are looking for building on my experience leading a team in my current job." It's also useful to mention something early on in the letter specific to you so that Tom can place you instantly. The final thing I would suggest is that (assuming this is a permanent job) you say something alsong the lines of 'It is exactly what I am looking for as a long-term career opportunity.' Employers don't want to have to go through the appointment process for a post again and you're obviously looking to change jobs (assuming you're currently employed elsewhere). If you show long-term commitment to the company, then any concerns they may have that you might want to change jobs again soon in the future will be reassured.
2007-12-30 07:12:50 · answer #2 · answered by Mary T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great except for the 'perfect candidate' bit! Perhaps just reinforce your desire to become part of a progressive organisation?
2007-12-30 07:04:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you feel it necessary to send a thank you letter for the interview? It sounds like you are begging. Send a thank you note ONLY after you are hired. They will just look at the letter and toss it aside. You are wasting your time. If you had a good interview and you have the skills for the job, they will see it and hire you.
2007-12-30 07:05:30 · answer #4 · answered by judirose2001 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
It's very.. wordy... in my opinion. Cut it down a bit. And I agree with the other person - Don't thank someone for interviewing you. Whenever we hire at our company we only get thank you/I accept the position letters AFTER we confirmed they were hired. You might sound too desperate and juuust a tad conceited.
2007-12-30 07:22:28 · answer #5 · answered by exl_chic 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
"appreciate the time you took out to " This is a bad sentence. What did he take out ?
2007-12-30 07:09:25 · answer #6 · answered by eyecue_two 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋