I sit at a corner in my kitchen
At the furthest corner, on my own
Eating a bowl of cocopops
Dad is washing the dishes,
Mum is watching the news,
And my brother is playing on the computer
I suddenly notice something move
A bug on the kitchen floor
I stare, he walks, i stare, he stops
He's lost and out of place
He's looking for a way out
Dad says something about the news, i don't really care
I decide to pick him up
I trow him out in the garden
Back home, back where he belongs
Apart from me, nobody noticed him
Apart from me, nobody cared
Apart from me, everyone is home, where they belong
2007-12-30 06:10:54 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
BTW I AM ONLY 14 AND IT'S THE FIRST POEM I'VE WRITTEN SO DON'T EXPECT IT TO BE PERFECT!!! *_*
2007-12-30 06:31:56 · update #1
yer its really good
2007-12-30 06:14:12 · answer #1 · answered by shell 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest keeping a daily journal and writing down your daily experiences as this was, once you get some substance maybe you can combine a few interesting thoughts with a little more rhyme and reason. Keep reading and practicing about poetry writing. Ask a lot of questions on the subject in your English class, and who knows maybe some day you'll be reading your poems on the Oprah Show.....
2007-12-30 07:01:46 · answer #2 · answered by mj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really love the concept.
Constrictive criticism: Revise with more descriptive, vivid words. Make this poem your own - put phrases together that no one has thought of before. Use similes, metaphors, descriptive language, vivid verbs and adjectives. You really could be onto something!
2007-12-30 07:49:24 · answer #3 · answered by Chelsea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A nice little piece of history in you life that will last forever now because it is written down.
And as for the lucky bug, If they could talk they would probably say, !@#^%$*&)(%*&~ I dont speak bug. So I can't interprete.
2007-12-30 06:30:46 · answer #4 · answered by guitarrman45 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The idea's alright I suppose but to me, poetry should rhyme and scan. If it doesn't it is just manipulated prose.
I know this is a childish idea - and I also like poems to make me laugh.
I do write a lot of poetry and there's a deal of pleasure and skill in making the lines rhyme and balance.
Mind you Wordsworth wouldn't have appreciated my work !
2007-12-30 06:29:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next poem cut to the chase and step on the bug.
2007-12-30 07:15:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont get it, it sounds like its a mix between a funny poem and a poem that is deep and meeningfull.
you spelt throw wrong (as trow.)
2007-12-30 06:14:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think it has some kind of 'deep' feeling but i dont understand the tone/mood of it....its good for a first poem though
2007-12-30 07:10:46 · answer #8 · answered by simone :) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try journalism and short stories.
2007-12-30 07:08:38 · answer #9 · answered by Desert Sienna 2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't listen to all of the haters, its just because they don't have the stones to put poems up on here, good keep at it!
2007-12-30 06:35:35 · answer #10 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thumbs up
2007-12-30 06:14:07 · answer #11 · answered by austins mum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋