what do i do if i dont want problems with my boyfriend, but am upset with his ex calling him?

Question

we have been together for 10 months, i love absolutely everthing about him EXCEPT his ex girlfriend baggage. she played his heart like the drums and he swore off girls and never thought he would be in another relationship but i have been working very hard at picking up the pieces. hes been doing good, says hes over her, doesnt love her, and has actually in the past week admited to have fallen in love with me, and has been perfect. HOWEVER, i noticed a couple buddy-buddy text messages in his phone between the 2, and this morning i woke up at 4 am to her blowing his phone up. he was drunk and passed out and wouldnt wake up for it, but she called about 8 times in a row. i really wanted to answer and tell her to eff off, but i wouldnt disrespect HIM by doing that. what do i do if i dont want to have any problems with him about it, but i cant stand the fact that this $hit is happening? help...

Answer 1

You have a right to be upset about this, not only for your sake, but for your boyfriend's as well.

Good for you for not answering his phone. Even though he was passed out, that still would have been an invasion of privacy and I'm sure it took a lot of will power not to do it.

What you need to do is tell him that you don't mind him having friends that are girls, but you don't want his ex to be around to make things rocky between the two of you. Tell him that you know how badly she hurt him and you don't want him to be reminded of that every time she calls or texts him. Make it clear that you aren't happy with her calling because you don't want HIM to be hurt again. How dare she think she has the right to call him and act friendly after what she did to him?

Ask him to make it clear to her that he does not want anything more to do with her. It's important, not only for YOUR relationship, but for his own sake. No one needs a constant reminder of a painful relationship/break up. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you!

Answer 2

Well, to start it's good that you have enough respect for your boyfriend not to tell off his ex on his phone & not to force him to do it either. I think in this case, the best thing to do is try to talk to him about what's bothering you, without telling him what to do or what action to take. If he's as perfect and awesome as you described, he'll know what to do next & you two can reach a compromise.

Tell him that it makes you feel threatened when she calls, because you love him so much and you don't want to lose him. Describe your feelings to him using "i feel" instead of "you make me feel" that way you're taking responsibility for how you feel and he doesn't feel as though he has to be on the defensive.

From there, tell him you want to reach a compromise. If the ex is his friend, you can't stop him from talking to her, but maybe he can tell you when she calls (and whats going on in the call so you don't feel insecure) and you can let her call. Something along those lines.

Communication is the key to a successful relationship.

Answer 3

I know how exactly you feel. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months, and his ex-girlfriend is his first love. She is back in his life! But as a friend! It hurts so so so so so so so so so much to see them talking. It almost kills me inside. I don't wanna tell him to push her away because he said they are only friends. I KNOW for a fact that he still have feelings for her. I can tell by the way he talks to her and I just cry at night and I don't know what to do. The only thing you can do is to trust your boyfriend but if he starts getting a little TOO close with his ex, tell him that you don't like that at all. If he doesn't accept the truth and change his ways, he doesn't deserve you. If he really loved you, then he would let his ex go and pay all his loving and devotion to you.

Answer 4

well to tell u the turth i have been with my boyfriend for fourteen yrs, we go thru lots of stuff , but to have ur bf,s ex to call him is every disrespectful , no don,t say nothing to her let her call him as many times as she wants . get a hold of ur boyfriend set him down while he is not drunk , ask him what is it that makes his ex girl call him when she knows that u to are together , ask him if the shoe was on the other foot what would he do and how would he feel, tell him that ur not into having problems , so what goes around comes around , don,t be upset while talking with him ,tell him that ten months is a long time to be with one person that u love , why treat ur girl like a rug,

Answer 5

If she is an EX why is she still contacting him and why won't he tell her to go away?? She's obviously playing little games with him to just keep stringing him along. I'm sure she is hoping she is causing problems with the two of you. As long as he doesn't talk about her and her little antics don't interfere directly with your relationship....let it go. If, however, he continues to answer her calls and text her......you need to have a serious chat with him and ask him who he's with. You or her. He needs to break ties at some point with her and get on with his life. I never thought keeping a relationship with an ex was healthy unless they both agreed to the break up and it was on friendly terms, otherwise, it's detrimental to the current relationship.

Answer 6

Talk to him about it. Tell him that if he claims he is over her, then he needs to make a decision because it is no fair to you.
You should of picked up the phone and told her to not call at 4am that is very rude!! If he can't just let her go away then just walk away..... You will be dealing with too much drama and stress that you might be the one who is hurt in the end. Good luck.

Answer 7

If you truly believe that he has been trying and is a generally good guy....tell him, "hey (sweety,honey,etc.), I understand you still being friends with your ex since you guys had so much history together, but she called your phone nonstop at 4am the other morning. I didn't answer out of respect for you, but can you please do something out of respect for me. I really did not appreciate being woken up at 4am multiple times so that you could deal with her problems." You can leave him to take care of it to see how he deals with it. If things still go kind of fishy, you may need to put your foot down. Go with your intuition, women have it for a reason.

Answer 8

You need to confront him about the issue. 4 am calls would make me think something was going on. If she hurt him that bad and he is so in love with you he wouldn't be allowing her back in his life. Maybe you need to open your eyes and take another look at your relationship, sounds like you were the rebound girl.

Answer 9

Your boyfriend needs to tell her to stop calling, and reassure you that it's totally over between him and her,and that he's committed to you only. You or him can stop her from calling.Talk to him about getting his number changed. Some exes just won't let go that easy! True love will prevail!
Much Love !

Answer 10

-Time for him to make a decision.
-Time for you to have 1 last talk about this - and then let him decide who he's going to live with, let him have friends, but this is too much, he needs to decide on YOU or HER - today, right now. Then, stand back and let him make his choice. If he cannot make his choice today wait for him him or leave him.
-Time for you to have a professional talk with her too and tell her the facts of life, then she will either bend his ear or bend his heart.
Whatever happens you will have done your part in the matter.