How to react?

Question

Yesterday my 11 year old daughter Judith had her friend Denise, who is the same age, over to play and it was decided that she could sleep at our house. In late afternoon, the girls started to tease Judith's little sister (7), taking her toys away and making fun of her. The little girl came to me crying, twice (she is not whiny normally). I banned the older girls to Judith's room and they got no desert at dinner. When it was sleeping time for them, they kept giggling, running around and making noise. I had to go in there three times and tell them to finally go sleep. The third time, Judith said to me an equivalent of "shut up" in our language. I was so furious, and I told the girls I would deal with them in the morning. To top it off, when I went to sleep I found out that they had played around with my makeup stuff, using my lipstick etc. (must have happened while I was taking my husband to the airport).
What would you do with these girls? It's still morning here.

I know I shouldn't have left the girls by themselves, but I did ask our neighbor to look after them from time to time and was only away for 40 minutes.

Answer 1

I'd be on fire if that happened. Punishment is needed. I also have a 11 year old daughter, who has a friend that lives next door (she's also 11). Both girls are raised with discipline, but my daughter is NOT spanked, my neighbor's daughter is. Both girls I think are very good, and follow rules well.

I think you could try which ever method you feel comfortable with.
I agree with hipmom
2 week grounding
at least one day confined to her room
Maybe some lines

Even though the I don't agree with it, I would guarantee that my neighbor would handle the situation just as olschool said. From my point of view, their doing a good jod too!

If you've never spanked, take the first suggestion. If you believe strongly in spanking (my neighbor) take the second. If your up in the air about it don't spank, do the grounding first, if it ever becomes a issue again, then try the second method.


All in all, both will work

Answer 2

It is to be expected that children will be rowdy and a bit wild at sleepovers. However, that does not excuse their disrespectful (telling you to shut up and getting into your off - limits, personal property), cruel (bullying the little sister until she cried) attitude. Be sure to phone Denise's parents, especially about the teasing. Tell them Denise is usually a very sweet girl (if she is), but you are concerned about her behavior when she bullied your younger daughter. Make sure they know it wasn't just Denise, and that Judith was being a bully, too. Then, let them handle their daughter.
In the future, please don't leave the girls home alone - especially when they're already being wild and bullying your younger daughter. If they were up anyway, you could have made them get in the car and drive with you. Unfortunately, I think you were partially responsible for the makeup incident, since the girls were left unsupervised. That doesn't mean they should get away with it without punishment, though.
Sit down and have a long talk with your daughter. Explain to her that you are upset and disappointed with her behavior. Tell her you let her have a sleepover because you though she was mature enough, but since she clearly is not, she will not be allowed to have another one for a given amount of time - for example, a month, six months, until she turns 12, etc. Tell her she must find a way to make it up to her little sister for being mean to her, and she must do chores around the house to pay for the damage to the makeup. Maybe ground Denise from your house for a few weeks, and make sure both girls know that Denise will never be able to come back if they act up the way they did again.
Yes, they are young girls. However, 11 - year - olds are old enough to know how to behave appropriately. Good luck.

Answer 3

Unfortunately...there's not alot you can do with the child that's not yours, but as for Judith...I would advise her that her behavior was completely out of control and that she is in NO WAY to EVER mistreat her little sister. Along with that...I would tell them both that Denise would not be allowed back into your home due to the fact the two of them combined obviously bring out the worst in each other and that you expect more out of Judith therefore, Denise will not be permitted to come back. I would also advise Denise's mother of the same and ground Judith from the phone, TV and video games for 7 days.

But, that's ME!

Best of luck...I have 2 girls ages 7 and 12.

Answer 4

I would be taking Denise home first thing in the morning, and telling Judith that there would be no more sleepovers for X amount of time.
When I got home I would talk to Judith about her behaviour, and how immature and disrespectful it was. I would tell her that if she was going to act like a spoilt brat while she had her friend over, then she's forgone the privilege of having fun for a while, and she would be sent to her room and then grounded.
Hope that helps.

Answer 5

A lot of this is normal behavior when there is a playdate/sleepover going on. But what I would be upset about is the fact that Judith did not listen to you when you told her to stop, and that she told you to shut up. She was obviously showing off in front of her friend, but still, its disrespectful. I would send the friend home ASAP, and for a punishment no more sleepovers for a while. Good luck!

Answer 6

I would ground them from coming around for awhile and I would ground Judith to her room for a few days.

It means they speak another language other than English in their home and she said shut up after she told them the third time. Why is that so hard to understand and you got two points and didn't even answer her question.

Answer 7

I would sit them down and tell them "No more"!! I also would have separated them when they wouldn't go to sleep. I would have put one of them on the couch. I would tell them until they can respect the younger sister and realize she is a member of this family that the other child will no longer be allowed to stay for sleep overs I would not have sent them to your daughters room but made them write lettters of apology to the younger sister. But if you think this child is a bad influence on yours, make it clear that this child is no longer allowed at your house. I had a friend who I acted crazy around at age 9. My mom put an end to that friendship. Call her mother and let her know the things the child did before she goes home and makes it out to be you being "evil mom". Don't put up with it and deal with your child after she leaves. They both deserve to be punished for disrespect.

Answer 8

First, as long as the kids know how to dial 911, know their #, address, etc, they can be left home alone. Second, I would not all her friend to come over or Judith to go to her house for a week.

Answer 9

Perhaps tell your daughter and her friend that you are very disappointed in them and you have realised you cannot trust them, as you thought you could- you thought they were growing up but apparently not. Maybe have your daughter help you to write up a list of rules for when she has a friend stay over, and if she does not obey them, she will not have anyone over at your house under any circumstance for a week/ fortnight/ whatever you find appropriate. I hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 10

You should phone Denice's parents to come and get her right away. I am sure they will give her enough trouble when she gets home. As for your own daughter she should be banned from any sleepovers until she can show that she is mature enough to behave in the presence of company.