My close friend and I are darn near sisters separated at birth. I've known her for 8 years. We are very close talking daily since she's in another state. We made a pact years ago that whomever got married, the other will be there for the wedding. Why wasn't I aware of her impromptu (?) wedding until after the fact?! Even if it were spur of the moment, as much as she shares with me, seems she would have called me on the way to the courthouse letting me know of what she was about to do! I could have congratulated her and would appreciate her consideration for filling me in on her exciting news.
I received a general thank you email I'm sure she sent to everyone along with a wedding pic. What hurt me even more is that after reading her message, her wedding sounded more planned due to her thanking people for throwing her a bridal shower! I'm truly questioning our friendship now. It's awkward enough to feel left out but now I don't know about sending her a wedding gift.
Should I send it?
2007-12-29 18:26:20 · 11 answers · asked by lenise1973 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I immediately reminded her of our pact. I expressed my hurt, THEN cheerfully said, "CONGRATULATIONS!!!" but I really wasn't joking. I didn't want her to feel bad on her special day. When I do get married, I'm going to be the bigger person send her an invitation to at least attend the reception. That should make her feel even crummier...
2007-12-30 07:20:18 · update #1
that's not a real friend is it?
if you were so close to her, wouldn't you be one of the first ppl in her mind when she sent out the invitations?
true you're all from different states, maybe she thought you wouldn't be able to make it, but asking wouldn't kill her.
i wouldn't send her anything...sorry about this situation
2007-12-29 18:36:47 · answer #1 · answered by no_duh ツ 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Long distance friendships suck, I totally understand where you are coming from. My best friend from high school moved across the country years ago. Although she is still my best friend, there has definitely been hurt feelings due to misunderstandings along the way. No matter how much you keep in touch through the phone, email, whatever ~ it can't replace day to day contact.
Anyway ~ I would suggest sending a gift. However, I would also call her to congratulate her and also to let her know you are hurt & ask why she didn't tell you sooner. Don't accuse her or anything ~ just remind her of you pact & tell her how much it would have meant to you to be there for her. Let her know that even if you couldn't have been there for her wedding, you are hurt that she didn't let you know in advance.
If you have been so close for 8yrs, don't write off the friendship due to this one act. Give her a chance to explain. Good luck :)
2007-12-30 04:41:11 · answer #2 · answered by march_hare_in_june 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps she didn't want you to have to travel (incurring travel expenses) . . . since you are in another state? Or perhaps it truly was a spur of the moment event, with the bridal shower taking place after the wedding?
My advice? Send a congratulatory card. No gift is necessary. Be the bigger person, and make no mention of your hurt feelings. Then see where the friendship goes from there.
Just remember (if it makes you feel better) . . . if you should ever decide to elope in the future, you now have no obligation to include your friend.
2007-12-29 23:27:28 · answer #3 · answered by Suz123 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are they people who threw the bridal shower on her side or on his side? If its his side I wouldnt be too mad about that as they probably invited only her family as they wouldnt know you.
As far as the wedding in the courthouse again, that would only be immediate family.
By thought is that at some point did you ever say or do anything to give her the impression that you may not like her husband or them getting married? You may not have intended to come across that way, but maybe that is how she took it?
I would send the gift and then call her. His family may have controlled the wedding if they were paying for it. And she may have felt bad about it and didnt know how to approach you. I can understand how you feel, I would feel the same way.
2007-12-30 00:28:58 · answer #4 · answered by sammy3256 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. It's not necessary for you to send any gift of any kind. And, considering the circumstances surrounding the surprise wedding, you shouldn't. She informed you via "email" after the fact. You should only respond via "email" to this, which you already have done. Now, I know this hurts you, but you need to put this out of your mind, today. Don't bring up the subject again--don't go looking for cards or gifts. Email only! Remember that.
.
2008-01-01 15:35:05 · answer #5 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to be honest, it does sound like she had done some planning (i mean, when people elope in the spur of the moment, they generally don't have bridal showers...) i'd be really upset with her and think, if she couldn't even let me know, why should i send her a gift... i know that may not make me the bigger person or whatever, but why waste my good money on someone that can't even show me the respect of letting me know she got married when she planned it and we were BFF!!! i wouldn't... and that friendship would probably be over.....
2007-12-29 18:36:05 · answer #6 · answered by idgaf 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
i understand why you are hurt, and i would be too. but you have to understand that a girl's wedding is just about the best day of her life. and even if you are upset, you don't want to ruin that for her. i'd give it some time, and then casually mention it to her, without being too confrontational. and yes, send a gift. even if you are upset, you still want to support her. after all, you might find out later that it was a silly misunderstanding, or something. and you don't want something like this to ruin a valuable friendship.
2007-12-29 18:33:20 · answer #7 · answered by Hil Rizzle 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I kind of think you're reading too much into this. If it was a spur of the moment wedding, she was probably too wrapped up in the moment to remember to call anyone except the person who was going to be their witness.
A good friend of mine got engaged, started to plan a wedding and then one day I got a phone call. We chatted for a while and then he said, "By the way, we got married last weekend" like it was no big deal. Was I sad that I didn't get to be there to see it happen? Yes. Am I gonna question our entire friendship about it? No.
Send her the gift. There will be a real reason for her to question your friendship if you don't.
2007-12-29 18:32:10 · answer #8 · answered by Been here before 3 · 3⤊ 4⤋
I didnt even tell my own mother when my husband and I took off to get married. Actually we were married on a Friday and I told my mom and siblings on Sunday.
2007-12-29 19:54:37 · answer #9 · answered by sweetnessmo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not send her a gift. Also, I would ask her why she did not at least call you considering you have been such close friends. You have a right to be hurt and angry.
2007-12-29 19:16:56 · answer #10 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋