Has anyone had a child who decided they didn't want to visit their other parent on visitations? At what age?

Question

My son has mentioned before that he doesn't want to go to his dads for visitation. He has asked me before how old he has to be for him to decide he doesn't want to go. I have never told him that he doesn't have to go and have in fact encouraged him to talk to his dad about why he doesn't want to go for visitations. He tells me that his dad hardly spends any time with him during visitations, and leaves him with other family members to care for him while his dad goes with friends, girlfriends or whatever. I have actually tried to intervene on my childs behalf and speak to his dad about the lack of time he spends with our son, and to encourage him to start at least calling our son more often and I got yelled at and my son was accused of lying to me about his dad. I have a friend who has told me that she dealt with this with her children and was told by multiple lawyers, the attorney generals office and the court, that at 12, a child can decide not to go on a visitation. Is this true?

Answer 1

My son doesn't like to visit his father over-night. He picks him up once a month to spend the day, or sometimes just to take him to a movie and my son is fine with that.

I keep an eye on things to make sure there's not more to it than "it's boring there" or that he's "just more comfortable at home". He doesn't spend the night any where else either, so I do think that's true. I told his father that for whatever reason he doesn't want to spend the night or a wkend with him. We decided that forcing him to go would make him resentful and not help their relationship, so his father extends the invitation and accepts the answer every month. Everyone is happier, because my son is happier. They enjoy their visits rather than dread them.

Answer 2

Actually, no that isn't true. My sister is going through a divorce right now and her 13 year old daughter doesn't want to visit her dad either...her lawyer said that at age 13 (12 in some states) a child can decide who he or she wants to LIVE with, the child cannot decline to visit. The court may take the child's wishes into advisement when decreeing a visitation schedule, but will not void visitation purely on their wishes.

Answer 3

You are correct--but I think the age of decision depends on the state.
However, you can still argue a good case in the courts to remove visitation rights. He is neglecting his child--that's a strong enough case as it is. Your child and the father's family members are proof.

At 12 years old I was able to decide the visitation arrangements if I wanted, and I did. Words can't change the mind of your ex--it never worked for my dad. I spent many years fighting for him to at least call me and to no avail. I call these men "convenience fathers"--only there at his convenience. Maybe if you give him the rude awakening now, he might change before he emotionally damages his child further.
You can't force someone to care, but maybe with action you can at least let him see what he's doing.

Answer 4

Well, I have 3 children and one (the oldest) is now living with his dad because he was so out of control, etc. Now, as for my other 2 children, they almost always say they do not want to go to their dads because he hardly ever spends time with them, leaves them home for hours at a time alone or he yells at them and scares them. Now, they are eleven and twelve. I was also told that 12 was the age where they had a right to make that decision.

Answer 5

Hopefully you are not telling them things to turn them against their dad. Anyway that will be up to a judge if the dad demands to see them. I think you should talk to the dad and let him know what is going on. It may be something as simple as him being really strict or an argument they got into.