my 27 yr old niece is going to get married sometime this next year, she always said when she talked about getting married that she wanted me to be a part of her wedding! and now today i found out she is prob not going to be including me! im offended by this! is it wrong for me to be offended at being left out? i have always been there for her thru thick and thin all her problems and i have always helped her out and we have always been more like sisters than aunt and niece! and now she does this! should i confront her? right now i feel like if im not to be included as part of the wedding then why the heck should i even bother to attend it when it takes place?
2007-12-29 16:51:25 · 18 answers · asked by ♥musiclover♥ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
confront was the wrong word to use, what i meant was should i tell her how badly this upsets me!
2007-12-29 17:04:42 · update #1
i did not say i would not attend the wedding i just said i felt like not attending, because im offended, and its not like im old im still young you know! you all make it sound like im some bitter old maid, its just that we are close and i have been there with her along with the most important moments of her life and so im upset that she is not including me in this the most impirtant moment of her life!
2007-12-30 08:09:08 · update #2
Pretty darn upset! But unfortunately, in these cases there's not much you can do....
2007-12-29 22:47:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
People change their minds sometimes. What they say as an "if and when" is usually different than when it really happens. You have a right to feel what you feel, nobody can tell you how you can or should feel.
In my opinion she has the right to ask who she wants. Maybe she's decided not to have as many people in the wedding as she original thought (now that it's really come down to figuring out financially how it will all work out). Personally, I would rather not be in someones wedding. It's a lot of headaches, and a lot of money. I'd much rather just go and enjoy the day without all the running around that has to be done.
Take the high road on this one, and don't give your niece a guilt trip over the whole matter.
Cheers.
2007-12-30 01:04:13 · answer #2 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps there is a misunderstanding between what your niece meant as "part of" and what you understand that to mean.
I feel that I'm a "part of" any wedding that I am honored to be invited to, to watch the B&G exchange vows and enter into such a reunion.
Being an official part of a wedding is not a perk, nor an entitlement. It is not wrong for you to feel offended, but she is the bride and you love her dearly so yes, attend. Attend with joy in your heart and understand that this is her day, and not a day when she needs to repay "thick and thin" debts.
Embrace her happiness, offer to help and be there to love her.
2007-12-30 01:48:14 · answer #3 · answered by ruth s 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My sister is getting married in 4 weeks. Since all 3 of her sisters live in distant states from her, she has had 3 of her friends serve as bridesmaids during this time. Basically, her sisters can't help her out now, simply because she's in Idaho, I'm in Kansas, another sister's in South Carolina, and the last sister's in California. I wasn't at all offended when she shared this plan with me. It doesn't mean that she thinks less of me or our other sisters. It's simply a practicality issue for her. We're not there to throw her a bridal shower, we're not there to learn how her dress needs to be bustled, heck, 2 of us won't be there until the day before the wedding.
Attend or not, it's completely up to you, but realize that your neice needs love and support right now, and doesn't need to deal with an aunt who's throwing a hissy fit because she didn't ask her to be in the wedding. It's the bride's choice of whom to ask to be with her on her wedding day, period. NO ONE, not even her sisters, have the RIGHT to be there with her. If you choose not to attend, you have to know that it will hurt your neice terribly, and probably create a permanent rift in your relationship with her.
Like someone else said, be grateful that you don't have to shell out the money to buy a dress, shoes, etc. Spend the extra money on a very nice gift for her. Just because she hasn't asked you to be in her wedding doesn't mean she doesn't need you in her life. And, it doesn't mean she's not still planning to ask you to do something else, or nothing at all. It's HER decision, because it's HER wedding.
2007-12-30 02:00:26 · answer #4 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How would you feel if you were getting married and could have only three of attenants -- but had seven friends who all felt that they should be one of those three? After all, each of these seven has some sort of legitimate claim to consideration and no matter which 3 you choose, the other four will be hurt and angry.
Perhaps your attitude of entitlement, of seeking confrontation when not given what you feel is your due of personal recognition, of childishly refusing to attend at all if you don't get your own way -- perhaps these are the reason why, dear as you may be to the bride, other candidates seemed more suitable for membership in the bridal party.
2007-12-30 03:11:04 · answer #5 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Eh. That reminds me of an aunt that I have. She is actually my uncle's ex girlfriend but... anyways... She always wanted to be like a "sister" or "best friend" to me. She always wanted to hang out, gossip with me (which was weird considering she was in her mid twenties and i was in high school), and even wanted to go out and get matching outfits and take pictures to hand out to our friends... or my friends... and her co-workers (which I didn't do).
She thought I'd consider her like my bestfriend or sister, but in reality it was nothing like that. I only went a long with it because I felt it'd be rude not to. By the way you consider not even going, I assume your mentality is the same.
How do you claim that you love and care for her so much, but risk missing out on THEE most important day of her life, simply because you were acting silly and weren't included in her wedding. Honestly, you need to grow up from that silly phase, it doesn't work that way when you're an aunt.
What i'm trying to say is, Maybe you should try acting more like her AUNT and be happy for her and glad that she's found happiness, rather than being like a SISTER who complains because she didn't keep her promise. After all, you ARE the aunt... if I were to have a wedding... the only relatives I'd want in it are my sisters, my mom, and MAYBE one of my cousins... but DEFINITELY not my aunt. Maybe it's time you stepped back and analyzed your relationship with her, and where you stand as an Aunt.
2007-12-30 06:34:46 · answer #6 · answered by Jessica 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would be upset, my best friend of over 20 years didn't ask me to be her maid of honor like we had planned over the years....we had a falling out and didn't talk in forever...she just got married this past september her and I started talking again in april and she asked me to hand out programs..she felt bad that she didn't involve me...
I'm getting married in April, I have a Maid of honor but I also chose to have this girl as matron of honor (the one who got married of course)
I still felt the need to keep up my end of the promise....
I don't mind so much now because i was soo busy at the time I don't know if I COULD have done it.
Just tell your niece you want to help her in any way that your able to. See what she says. Don't demand or act like your upset.
If she says he doesn't need any help just attend the wedding and be happy for her :)
Good Luck!
2007-12-30 01:00:15 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Be relieved that you can be part of the celebration without having the financial and emotional drain of being IN the celebration, spend some extra $$$ on a nice gift for the newlyweds as a silent "thank you!" to the bride for not asking you to spend $$$$ on a dress, shoes, etc., that you would hate anyway and never wear again, go to the event and have a great time as their guest!
2007-12-30 01:04:15 · answer #8 · answered by Máire Siobhán 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Try not to be upset about not being in the wedding because it can be very difficult as well as frustrating deciding who should be in it. Remember the bride to be need lots of love and support right now, not turmoil.
2007-12-30 01:12:32 · answer #9 · answered by joynme 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Brides and Grooms select members of their wedding party for a multitude of reasons.
Some only choose "real couples."
Some only choose relatives in their age group.
Some only choose brothers and sisters.
Some only choose childhood friends.
Some only choose tall, thin or beautiful people.
Some choose the ugliest people they know so they look good.
Some only choose people they both like or get along with.
And some choose people they know can afford the expense of being in a wedding party (wedding attire, shoes, jewelry, etc) so it is not a financial burden.
There is no reason to be offended, I know of Brides and Grooms who didn't even invite their Mothers or Fathers or brothers or sisters to their wedding, let alone ask them to be in their wedding party.
Be happy for your niece, she just saved you lots of $$$$$$$.
Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
2007-12-30 06:05:21 · answer #10 · answered by Avis B 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I read that in EVERY wedding, at least ONE person is offended. Just sorry it's you this time. Perhaps her reasoning is understandable. I'd ask.
When I graduated HS, I was inviting people to my graduation party. Mom said I shouldn't invite my great aunts because she thought they'd just send money and not come. It's not nice to basically ask for money. So, I didn't invite them, because I didn't want them to think I just wanted their money. One great uncle had died that year and I received this card AFTER my graduation from his wife, along with $50: "I wish you had invited me to your graduation. I hope that the death of my husband won't separate us from each other. " I cried, I felt so bad. I had such good intentions! I hate being in charge of things. I'm afraid I'll offend someone. Please don't be the reason someone hates to have a wedding.
2007-12-30 01:42:33 · answer #11 · answered by Oh it's me! 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋