Hi, my mother in law is from India. My husband applied green card for her and she wants to live with us forever. She takes cares of my little daughter 3 yrs old. And she is so bossy to control my house and my kid. She takes care of her at night too. I argued many times with her to take care my kid. But she fighted and yelled to me. And my husband is always with her. They just totally ignored me. We almost get divorced because of her.
My question is in CA, if she always takes care of her, is that favor to my husband when there is custody issue? Who usuaaly get physical custody in CA?
Second, is there a way to get her out of my house? She made me totally stressed and sick of house.
If we argued again when I want to sleep and take care of my kid, she argue, can I call police?
Thanks
2007-12-29 16:49:35 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Go to the police and ask how to file a restraining order on her--she is mentally abusing you and it must stop!
2007-12-29 16:54:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I'm born in the US, lived her all my life and I don't know if both of you are Indian or not, but my understanding is that Indians have tradition of entire family living under one roof, and if they are of the same family they get along, but if there's a traditional marriage then that wife is treated somewhat of an outcast, that she's traditionally paid for and is supposed to be there for sex and for having children, and for taking care of her man like making meals, but even then food is made by the group.. Maybe you haven't heard of that tradition. And, it depends on "how" you were married (here or there, and if traditional marriage or in temple, or other church or otherwise) as to which laws apply. Sometimes when in US the old Indian law is law, and sometimes it is not. I suggest that you not take the question to an attorney until you are sure you want a divorce as while you're just asking questions the attorney will already be preparing the case for divorce.
Some states side with the mother, and some states side with who makes the money and who is better prepared to provide for and take care of the child. My suggestion to you is that if you don't have a job then get one so you can have money of your own if you decide to move on. You need to know that in divorces "all" men run back to their mamas....so your situation may be two against one.
If your husband is helping his mother with a visa, maybe he thinks it's time you get a job and help with the income, so he's providing you the extra time to do that.
2007-12-29 17:02:14 · answer #2 · answered by sophieb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sister, you knew his mom was part of the package. It is part of the culture you and your husband were raised in.
Do you work? Is that why MIL is there...to take care of your daughter? If you and your husband cannot agree on when it is your turn to care for the child and when she takes over, then you were married under false pretenses and you will probably have grounds for divorce.
If you do not work, you will have to set the rule that YOU are the mother to the baby 100% of the time, and there will be no further discussion on the subject. If you work, you must insist that she is not to do anything in the care of that child while you are home.
Arguing in front of the child is a harmful environment and MUST stop immediately. Take the baby and leave the room. When they behave like an adults, return to the room. If husband doesn't like it, tell him CALMLY to make arrangements to have you or her or them leave. You are the mom. Keep a cool head for your lawyer. Don't act crazy. Be very focused on the importance of NOT having an insane house for your child's sake.
2007-12-29 17:01:39 · answer #3 · answered by jjudijo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother in law is also from India, also controlled our house, also almost caused divorce between me and my husband. My husband and your husband will never change, trust me, they will always side with their mothers, and never never never kick them out of the house. The only thing that saved our marriage is when mother in law left after staying here six months. Since it looks like your mother in law will never be leaving, I suggest you talk to a divorce lawyer and see where you stand. Since your husband is working and you are not, he will most likely have to give you spousal support so you can afford to live life by yourself after he and you seperate.
When my mother in law was here my home became my jail. She took money from me every week and every night before sleep she would talk bad about me on the other side of bedroom door. Please don't let this happen to you further. You deserve to have a happy life with your husband and daughter.. MIL has no right to do what she is doing.
tell MIL she has to leave. if she refuses, contact the police and they can tell you your options.
2008-01-01 05:21:15 · answer #4 · answered by CS137 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well 1st of all YOU ARE THE PARENT!
Parent trumps grandparent every time. Unless the parent turns out to be more harmful to the child than the grandparent.
As for custody issues in CA, I suggest you gain the advice of a qualified attourney at law for that one. But as far as I know, CA is mom friendly where custody issues are concerned.
When it comes to choosing sides, it's my belief that the husband needs to put his loyalties with his wife, without fail.
He may owe much to his mom, but his wife is supposed to be his choice for mate for life, NOT MOM!
If he's confused about that then LEAVE HIM until he gains a better understanding about the ways of the world.
Good Luck!
2007-12-29 17:07:23 · answer #5 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't you think that the damage has been done? You should have been blowing smoke when your husband got her a green card. It is for you and him to set limits for mother-in-law (at least in the US culture). As for divorce settlements, talking to a lawyer is much better than the people here. As for calling in the cops, you first have to tell her to go before you can call them in for a trespass violation. If she physically attacks you, you can commence assault proceedings. If your mil is causing you to get "disturbing the peace" citations, you probably can do something then. Quite frankly, the cops have more pressing matters.
2007-12-29 16:58:14 · answer #6 · answered by cattbarf 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to a marriage counselor. Ask him to go with you. This is a problem and needs attention. If he won't go, direct your questions to an attorney. Do not argue with her. pick up your daughter and walk out of the room, stay away from her if you can. Do you work? Is that why she is taking care of your daughter at night? You need to see what your rights are. If you speak to a therapist, it will at least look like you are trying, Sometimes, things can be worked out.
2007-12-29 16:57:58 · answer #7 · answered by Suzieq 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
since ur frm india ur mother in law is living with u under joint family system.it can b very annoying but i dont get y u let her raise ur daughter.y dont u take a stand and take care of ur child ur self? mayb thats y ur husband takes his moms side coz he thinks u cant take care of ur own kid. u need to take responsibility n set up boundries. ur husband probably ignores u coz he thinks u cant do anything 4 ur child or mayb for him either.u need to stick up 4 ur kid n urself and get a hold of the situation .let ur mother in law know that u r the queen of ur house .good luck
2007-12-29 17:30:20 · answer #8 · answered by sadia a 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband takes her side thats not a good husband.
When you get married its between you and your partner.
If you want her out of the house then talk to your husband about it.
2007-12-29 16:53:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to talk to your husband , i mean , just because she takes care of your daughter dosen't mean that she is like ur boss or sth , and explain the situation to ur husband , and he should support u, if he dosen't , i would betchslap that shetbag!
actually if u have a stable job and can take care of your daughter you cuold get custody , but , having his mom taking care of her might be favorable 4 him , but ity all depends! well i hope this helped !!!!and i wish that u can solve ur problems :)!
2007-12-29 16:56:33 · answer #10 · answered by Hi-chan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You poor soul !!!! You truly do have a problem...Mother in law has to go... But your husband h;as to do it.. She is he one who needs the job.. YOur husband has to talk to her....Get her an apartment about 10 miles from your place and If you have to work and she watches them at her house? MMMMMMMMMM? Good idea.? If you sit and do nothing yu are going to go through stss and maybe ever get shingles (I did) No man in the world deserves what you went through and what he is going to put you through... Good luck dear lady good luck, Grant/ M in PA
2007-12-29 17:42:40 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋