Fiance Doesn't Want To Go To Family Events?

Question

My fiance isn't very close with her family but I am mine. I go to her family dinners for Christmas and Thanksgiving. But I have a had time getting her to go to mine, she says she's uncomfrontable around my family but I have no idea why their all very nice to her. I was uncomfrontable around her family at first but the more I went the less I became but I can't even get her to give it a chance. She also says I should be more senstive to her feelings. Whats the right way to handle this? Thanks

Answer 1

How important is it for you to make an issue of it? You can alway say that you should go "quid pro quo" on the matter, we go to your Mom on July 4th and my mom on Thansgiving or something like that, or just give her the time to be more comfortable.

Answer 2

you are close to your family that is why. Some family bonds are so close it is constricting, it's almost like the form a tight circle with no room to let anyone else in even if it seems everyone is being friendly there is still that feeling of being an outsider. Although some families are close and welcome someone new openly and treat them as well as their own, including them in immediately. You may not see it but you need to be sure that you include her in every little moment especially if you have a family that is extremely close. It is very intimidating. Talk to her about this, maybe you can start by inviting different family members in smaller groups to do things with the two of you, eventually you can suggest that she and your mother, sisters or cousins etc. go shopping or to a movie without you. You have to help push and build the relationship just don't push too hard.

edit: I just wanted to add that the fact that she isn't close to her family could have something to do with this. She was probably raised very differently than you or she deals with social situations in a different way. There are probably other reasons than she is selfish as someone else had said, she might have a small form of social anxiety when she is around your family. She probably has valid reasons- just talk to her about and work on it together. Trust me, I know, my fiance comes from a very close family, as do I, however his family is small so his parents, sister and he sort of form a tight circle although most of the time it is okay, there are times even I feel left out and we have two children and are about to be married. Where as my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc.. are all close so we have a bigger circle with more room for new people. My family definitely welcomes him with open arms whereas his family, although maybe not intentionally is not as welcoming underneath

Good Luck

Answer 3

What's the real reason she doesnt want to attend functions with you to your own family's events? I think it's a pretty selfish excuse on her part, especially if everyone is being nice to her. It's just that--an excuse. And it sounds like she is jealous that you are so close to your family, and your mom especially--another woman knows you better and is closer to you than her. Are you sure you want to marry a girl who wont even try to mesh with your family, who you are so close to? I think this issue is giving you the chance to think about the marriage. I can't imagine all the other issues you'll have to deal with this woman in the future.

Answer 4

well you have already aknoweldged that you had a little trouble adjusting to her family so many she just needs a little time to adjust to yours. i know i am really shy around boys that i like's parents. she maybe be afrid she might same something wrong or do something embrassing.


hope this helped