Am I wrong for leaving my daughter at home alone on Christmas day for bad behavior?

Question

I have an 12 year old daughter who has always been a pretty good child but lately she has been lying about and stealing food. A month ago she stole money off my dresser to buy food and recently she snuck into the refridge to get pop why? I do not know. She knows that she is welcome to any thing in the fridge but she choose to sneak and steal. I was upset with her and told her that her Christmas was going to be cut short if she didn't get her act together. She went back and told my sister that Shes not worried about her Christmas because she knows I want her happy. On Christmas day she was able to see her presents but I did not allow her to use or wear anything. I also made her stay in the house on Christmas day alone while the rest of the family went to visit other relatives. My mom was pissed and said she want nothing else to do with me because of the way I punished my daughter. Am I wrong? and whats up with the stealing food when its available for her?

Thanks for all the comments although it is a little deeper than you realize. But I noticed almost everyone was against the punishment because it was Christmas. Christmas is a childs holiday but if Punishment do not start somewhere my child could be the one who grow up and steal from you or whose to say it won't go deeper. I honestly believe the world is messed up now because kids are not displined anymore. She need to realize I am serious about her behavior. She wrote me a letter apoligizing for her behavior and told me this opened her eyes and she was willing to put forth the effort to stop stealing out of not onlymy house but other peoples house as well. I am raising my child not only for myself but also for society.

Answer 1

children need to learn boundries. if they never get punished, they will never listen. this is not your mother's child -- it is yours. you did what you thought was best. no one can say any differently. is she behaving now a little better? then maybe it worked. hope this helps.

Answer 2

First of all ,is this a behavior thing ,or has she got a food addition?? How much does she weigh?? You are not correcting her by leaving her 'home alone'. Your actually putting yourself at risk for arrest..If you say she can have anything in the refridgerator, then how could she have SNEAKED into the frige for a pop?? There is never any excuse for stealing money, and are you sure she's buying food with the stolen money? There may by something more serious there than just food!! You should ground her, or take some privileges from her ,explaining, her behavior is unacceptable.. She needs to be evaluated, and counseling may be needed for you both before this can be resolved.. To steal for food is not normal and you need to find out way she is acting this way.. Good Luck!! SOLOMON

Answer 3

I think Christmas is a day that is off limits for severe punishment like that. I think she should of been allowed to participate in family activities and visit family. It's not fair to keep your family from seeing her because you feel her behavior lately has not been good. I think the day after Christmas restrictions could of been placed but not on Christmas. It's a day of celebration even for the misbehaving. I mean I am a mom of two and I would of never made my child sit at home alone on Christmas day for anything. It think it was a poor choice on your part. It's only one day a year and it's a religious holiday. As for the food stealing, I'm not sure on how to help you on that one. When I was young I used to do the same thing. I couldn't tell you why. I was full and my family fed me. I think a vast majority of it was being bored and when I was bored I felt the need to eat. I think maybe she is ashamed and doesn't want you to know how much she is eating.

Answer 4

The question of whether you punished her too harshly is totally subjective and you will get a ton of different answers. It seemed harsh, but she will think twice before assuming you won't punish her for something again.

As for the food, get her some counseling soon. It may just be something as simple as a control issue, but it could also lead to a major eating disorder, either overeating or bingeing/purging. I am not saying she has an eating disorder yet, but this kind of behavior is something that is a big red flag.

From experience, I used to sneak food. It was stupid too, like cheese or milk....but my mom made us ask for every single little thing in the kitchen. So, it was a control thing, but it led to an unhealthy relationship with food that I am still dealing with in my 30's. Don't freak out and start monitoring her every intake, but seriously...get her into counseling. If you are in a situation where you do not have insurance or cannot afford it, there is usually some community resource out there that you can get free or very low-cost counseling. Call your Chamber of Commerce or look it up on the internet.

Answer 5

You are wrong. She is 12 years old. If she is stealing food that is available to her she probably has an eating disorder or something. She does not need punishment. To let her see her Christmas presents and not use or wear them? Come on. Let the punishment fit the crime if indeed there was one. I admit the stealing money part was wrong, even if it was for food but no child should be left home alone on Christmas. Shame Shame.

Answer 6

Okay, I am fourteen and I am pretty sure I have your answer. I know I don't have children... but I do have a 11 year old sister. And she is starting to act pretty crazy too. I have no clue why she is stealing food, maybe she figured you would say no and just instead of dealing with that she figured to sneak it. I've done that plenty of times. I DO think that she should have been punished, but not that way. Maybe you should've held her presents for a day or something. But I do not think that making her stay in for Christmas was a good idea.

Answer 7

Stealing food? From her own fridge? I'm sorry, i never knew there was such a thing...

Maybe she's sneaking because she's embarrassed? In this day and age where every girl is a size zero?

You have a right to tell her off because she stole money but if you tell her she's welcome to anything in the fridge, that's you giving her permission to take anything. That's what i would have done anyway.

She will remember this christmas forever. My parents did a similar thing to me (for a legitimate reason) and i know i will never ever forget that. Do you realise how alone she would have felt? And not letting her use her presents? Why bother giving them to her?

I think you're being harsh

Answer 8

Leaving her at home not only punished her, but probably confused her. That was an extreme form of punishment for the crime. You also punished the relatives that may have wanted to see her. I think the best thing to do is sit down and find out what is going on with her. She may be having self-body images and feel like people are judging her when she goes to the fridge/pantry. Just try talking to her. She is almost a teenager and they do some weird things. It sounds like she is having some problems, if you can't talk to her find someone you and she both trust to do so. Then once you have started working on you guys' problem call your mother and talk to her too. Just explain to her that you were confused at you daughters behavior and you weren't sure what to do. Admit tou may have reacted too harsh and work things out. You surely do not want to lose any member of your family over this. I really wish you the best of luck with both of them.

Answer 9

I don't think you should have left her alone on Christmas day, that's a time you should spend the most w/ family, friends, etc. If it were me, I would be sad that someone left me out on the happiest day of the year. From a parent point of view, I think it would be best to sit down with your daughter and ask her why she's been sneaking food when she knows she's welcome to it. That's what I would do. That's what I would want my mom to do. The stealing thing is very bad, and for that, I don't blame you at all. You should try punishing her first, and if the stealing and sneaking doesn't stop, you should make her write you an essay or make her do lines: "I won't steal from the kitchen or steal anymore, I'm sorry" She should stop. Trust me, I quit whenever my mom does that.

Answer 10

You are not wrong b/c you gave her a consequence for her action...she acted....and you imposed her consequence...just like you promised. Some kids do have issues with food....especially sneaking and hiding it in their bedrooms....if this is her, she might feel like it provides some sort of security for her....I would seek counseling if this becomes a frequent problem.....I think your mom overreacted, as she is not the parent, and she should not tell you how to raise your child. It is a strict punishment, but I am all for actions=consequences.....there is too little of that being carried out these days.....it isn't abusive or harmful to her in any way.....it just says that you are serious. Make sure she is getting enough to eat at meal times and make sure she has available snacks. Ask her more often if she is hungry and have snacks available that she can take at will...that will take some of the pressure off of her if she feels she needs to hoard food or equates it with comfort.....but I would still seek advice if she continues this.

Answer 11

Yes, I'm sorry, but I think that was wrong to do that to your daughter, especially at Christmas. I'm not sure I understand, if there is food available for her...where is she stealing the food from? Has she been hanging out with new kids? There must be something new going on in her life for to go from being good to being a liar and a thief. I wish the best of luck with your daughter.