My bf has a problem. Maybe not so much my bf.. I have a problem with my bf's mother. He's 26 and still lives at home as he believes its his 'duty' to look after his mother - who is 65, works 2 jobs and is divorced. For cultural reasons, its the thing that they do. However, he has told me he would like to move out, and she will be close by (I've also told him and made it clear that I couldnt live with his mother and if that was in the cards to tell me now cuz I'm not interested in that life). He told me he would be moving out, just a matter of when $ wise. My concern is how I'm going to get mommy to understand and let him leave so that he can have the real life that he wants.
She has family, but her other son has no contact with her
Should I cut my losses now and move on or stick it out and see where this goes?
2007-12-29 14:41:25 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
First off, I completely understand where you are coming from. My boyfriend is a second generation Ghanian and his mother is similar to your boyfriend's Mom. Because my bf is the oldest son and she is divorced, she believes he is supposed to support her financially. She has taken out loans in his name and he get stuck with the debt. He once got a tax refund check for like $10,000 and she took the check and he never saw it again. Mommy Dearest explaination? "I needed it" (she never said for what).
BUT ANYHOW back to you, lol. If you love your boyfriend and want to be with him, then I would keep telling him over and over it is not his responsiblity to take care of Mommy. Try to make it work. The fact that he hasn't tried to move Mom in with you guys mean he's open to suggestion.
He can be there for her and help in a pinch, but he has to live his life too. Keep telling him over and over. If he doesn't get it, I would cut him loose after a year.
2007-12-29 15:16:34 · answer #1 · answered by Original_Syn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
even if you were to cut your losses and move on...who is to say the next person you get in a relationship with doesn't have family issues. Wether you like it or not when you are with someone you don't just get them...you get the family too. Sometimes it works out and sometimes you have to take them with a grain of salt. Try and be supportive of him. If this is the norm for his culture thenthis moveis going to be very hard and trying. Make sure she knows that just because he is moving out doesn't mean that he won't be there for her and maybe have him and his mom have a special dinner every week to two weeks just the two of them. that way it is easier on both of them. GOOD LUCK
2007-12-29 22:50:21 · answer #2 · answered by redbrat34 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do realize that men treat their wives and long term girlfriends very similar to the way the treat their mothers, right?
SO here you have a man who wants to do anything for his mom, and you are trying to get him to quit that. I'd say join in, help him take care of his mother. eventually when she is gone, ALL his love and attention will be spent making you happy as his wife because you embraced him for who he was and didn't ask him to change. The problem here is yours not the bf or the bf mother. You can set limitations such as when its alone time for you, his mother needs to be gone or far enough away to give you privacy, but asking your bf to stop caring so much for his OWN MOTHER when he is voluntarily doing so because he is a good man, seems rediculous and selfish on your part.
2007-12-29 23:09:09 · answer #3 · answered by googlebugg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF you are in mad love with him...that i would stay.
If you are not in love with him. and u still just like him then i would be cutting my losses and taking off.
He has been a mommys boy for 26 years and I dont see him waking up one morning and moving out and letting go. No matter what he says hes attached to her too.
Good LUCK
2007-12-29 22:49:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, if it's a cultural thing and I'm thinking Mexican or Asian, what your asking him to do is a big thing. My twenty some year old son still lives with me but I'm not expecting him to stay and take care of me. In fact all three kids got together to decide who was going to take care of my husband and I! Geez we're not that old! I told them to put me in a home and promise to visit. I don't want to be anyones burden, my dad is stating the same thing in his Will. Trust me, if it gets serious with you two you can expect lots of arguments about his Mother, won't be able to take vacations or live alone. The choice is yours but if you chose to stay with him expect to take care of MIL when she can no longer take care of herself , just a word of warning!
2007-12-29 23:29:37 · answer #5 · answered by Becky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to realise that even if he moves out it sounds like mum will have a hard time letting him go. You have to assess whether you can cope with her being around if you stay with him. You cannot ask him to choose between the two of you as i doubt he would choose you (at least if it was my son I would hope he would choose me LOL)
2007-12-29 22:58:10 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I find it interesting that you said can you get his mommy to let him leave. Let him leave ? He is 26 and there is no letting him. The decision is his.
Its been my own experience with mommys boys who are grown men that you should......RUN !
2007-12-29 22:54:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
family relationships are very important to individuals with how family raise their children
It all depends on how you see this issues and what you want to do. Only you can make this decision
2007-12-29 22:53:46 · answer #8 · answered by No More Abuse 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋