What is it with people expecting their parents to automatically want to watch their kids?

Question

I've noticed a lot of questions where a mom or dad is complaining about their parents not watching their kids 'enough.' When did it become a grandparent's responsiblity to watch their grandkids? I've also noticed many complain when they have to pay their parents. Would a person not pay a babysitter? What makes our parents any different? I'm sorry this just bugs me. I pray to God that my kids never expect me to watch their kids! Of course, I will watch them but it shouldn't be something that grandparents feel they HAVE to do.

It's a big difference when a grandparent says, "Oh, I'd love to watch little Lola anytime!" and would be offended if you tried to get another sitter. Then after you offer to pay the grandparent they refuse. It's another thing when a grandparent doesn't offer--or is being abused by a child who drops their kid off every chance they get, doesn't pay, and just EXPECTS them to want to do it feeling it's the grandparents' JOB to babysit ALL THE TIME!

Sorry, I'm venting a little bit. My sister does this and I'm about up the wall tonight!

amosunknown--I am not a grandparent. However, my mother is. She loves all of her grandchildren DEARLY and loves spending time with each one.

How is it in any way, shape, or form for my sister to drop her kids off every weekend on Friday AND Saturday night so she and her husband can drink? How about when she comes to pick them up at noon the next day with no intent to pay her? How about when she doesn't even say thank you? Then, when my mom has something SHE would like to do on a Friday night it's a HUGE deal for my sister.

My mom is expected to watch those kids day and night from my sister. That's not right.

I'm not talking about grandparents who WANT to watch their grandkids--all grandparents DO. [I would hope...] It's just the children who just think it's the grandparents' RESPONSIBLITY to do so that bugs the bajesus out of me!

I hope you understand.

Answer 1

I agree! It's great if the grandparents WANT to watch the kids, so they get to spend time with them, but I know a couple of people who basically allow their parents or in-laws to raise their children. It's not fair to them, grandparents should get the fun of grandchildren, they've already done their parenting.
A friend of mine complains on the very rare occasions that her mum won't watch her son, and my friend only has her only child 2 or 3 nights a week! She's a stay home mum, her son is at school, and she still hands him over to her parents any chance she gets. I honestly wonder why people like that even bothered having kids. It bugs me when she complains, my mum passed away before I had children, and I look after my dad, so I don't have parents to do it at all. And I still survive, lol!
I get what you mean, if the grandparents want to, it's a different story, but having to raise your grandchildren because their own parents won't stop partying is wrong, in my book.

Answer 2

I totally agree with you. I'm a single mother and my parents help me out alot. They watch my daughter while I work, but they always get paid and I do little things for them to help them out as a return. I never just pawn my child off though so I can go have fun or do stuff without her. Whenever i'm off work, I take the time I have with her and spend time with my child rather than handing her to someone else so I can do immature things that alot of younger parents do. There's nothing I look forward to more than seeing her smiling face when I get home after a long day at work!
And to the person above me who feels you are wrong to feel the way you do, shame on her. Grandparents are not obligated to take the child at all times. They have a life too!!

Answer 3

I understand where you are coming from. What your sister does isn't o.k.

My son has a beautiful little boy, and I wouldn't think of charging a penny for the time I get to spend with him. Understand, I don't have him every Friday and Saturday so they can go out drinking. I ask for him every Wednesday, and I have him on Saturdays for the whole day. If they have to work when I have him or not is not an issue for me. Those are the days that work best for me. I'm lucky they will let me spend time with him when it is convenient for me. If they get in a pinch for a sitter, they know to call me first - if I can help out I'm glad to. I also work a full time job, and I have a home business. I look so forward to my time with the baby.

Answer 4

It sounds like your sister is taking advantage of your mother (as well as neglecting her kids a bit by choosing drinking over spending time with them).

My mother jumps at the chance to watch my son. This happens no more than once a month. I would never think to offer her any money for it (she would surely refuse anyway) but I always thank her when picking him up. My mother's grandchildren are now 17, 13, and 6, and she has truly enjoyed spending as much time with each of them as she could, and comes up with fun and special things for them to do.

Answer 5

whilst you're actually not already ability of criminal expert on your mom and dad then attempt to grow to be that. as quickly as you're POA you could utilise a number of their money to purchase in care periodically so as which you would be able to take a wreck once you prefer one. purely remember that, in case you became ill your self, different arrangements could must be made and it does not sound as though 'the siblings' will commute an prolonged thank you to take over the accepted jobs which you have taken on. you need to have a back-up plan on your man or woman good, no longer theirs. i'm specific that there'll be a provider the place a social worker could bypass to the domicile and look at the desires required and could then inform you the style to bypass approximately getting access to such help. you need to be armed with telephone numbers and different information so as that, whilst the time comes, you will understand what to do as we talk extremely than going into panic mode. as quickly as you get some thing in place like this it will be time to start thinking a pair of trip. set up it first and then say what your are doing. settle for no arguments from mom and dad of siblings. do purely it and then do it back so as which you're feeling which you have an entire life of your man or woman outdoors of that domicile. Your siblings won't exchange. they're sitting incredibly understanding that all and sundry accepted jobs are taken care of so purely get issues going so as which you're actually not continually the single with the accountability. You owe your siblings no longer something - no longer even an evidence, nor do you need to tell them which you're going away. enable the 1st telephone call on your mum be the 1st they understand which you have long previous away.

Answer 6

My wonderful MIL watches my son every so often for an evening, usually no more than once a month (if that). We do sometimes ask her to, but we never assume she wants to or pout if she has other plans. We're grateful for the times she does babysit - there is nobody we trust to babysit more than my son's beloved Grammy. Also, my MIL seems to especially enjoy having our son (the only grandchild within a 2,000 - mile radius) around since my dear FIL passed away in July. MIL is also very young for her age; she bikes, does yoga, and works as a physical therapist for young children on a regular basis, so she has no trouble keeping up with a three - year - old!
My MIL knows she doesn't have to babysit our son. We rarely ask her to; we ask maybe once or twice a year, and she offers most of the time. But if she ever can't watch him or has something else going on, we respect that and never get mad at her.
The trouble here is that your mom has no backbone. I highly suggest she get one and make it clear to your sister that she's not her personal nanny. If she doesn't want to watch the kids, she needs to stand up for herself. Trust me, that will do a lot more good than ranting about your sister on YA.

Answer 7

my parents are the only ones we use as babysitters, and i would be extremely offended if they asked for money.

They watch them maybe twice a month, every other thursday for about 2-3 hours so me and hubby can go out.
and they love being able to have grandchildren time and my kids love spending time with them because they usually get to eat junk and get some kind of toy :)
of course there have been times they couldn't and i didn't get pissed about it.
My sister is the type you are talking about, just expects my parents to watch her daughter whenever she needs someone and when they say no she litterally cries and throws a fit over it.
NOw about the payment thing, i think if you are using your parents as a daycare while you work and they have them everyday you are at work then yeah they should be paid for their time.
but they shouldnt' have to/ want to be paid just for spending time with their grandchildren/

Answer 8

Well, most grandparents love spending time with their grandkids. I was raised by my grandparents. I can tell you, though my parents had some big issues, so I would have never left my daughter with them. Once my mother offered to watch my daughter for money...and I declined. My daughter has one grandma left and she is in another country, so she gets to see her only once a year. Believe me, her grandma would jump at any chance to watch her. So, when I hear my friends complaining about their parents not watching their kids enough (I've heard it, too) I tell them to be thankful they even have that chance.

Answer 9

I agree. I don't have any grandchildren yet, and I am really looking forward to the day I do and I will be thrilled to babysit, but I don't want to feel that it is expected of me to always say yes. Parents have already raised their children and they shouldn't be expected to now raise their grandchildren as well. It's not fair, especially when grandparents are often older and it is now their time to take life easy.

Answer 10

My mother spends a lot of time with my children but I rarely ask her to watch them, mainly because I don't go out much but also because when I do go out it may be till late in the evening and I don't want her driving alone at night. I don't expect my parents to do anything. When she does come to watch the boys for me I am very appreciative and try to have everything in order when she gets here. I have them bathed and if not already fed, dinner ready to go on the table. I have all the rules lay out and a schedule for her. She loves my babies but she's not their mother... I am. It's my responsibility, not hers!