A friend I haven't heard from in 10 years called me yesterday saying she was getting married. When we last spoke we had a fight. It was the day before highschool graduation and she was being a total jerk. She treated me like dirt and expected me to still be her friend. I told her I couldn't handle this and never saw her after graduation.
Now I'm not one to hold a grudge, but she asked me to be the MOH in her wedding and I'm not sure if I want to. After the way she treated me in HighSchool I don't think I want to be the one she needs standing next to her other friends(whom also did me wrong, they beat me up and were really nast) whom will be bridesmaids, and act happy for her.
I want to decline the offer and will send her a card with a giftcard to Bed, Bath and Beyond. Is this rude? Should I go to the wedding, even if I don't want to be the MOH? HELP!
2007-12-29 12:39:08 · 15 answers · asked by Jasmine 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Based on the situation, I think you have every right to turn her down. If she lives in the same area as you, perhaps you could have lunch with her and kind of make this a chance to kind of heal past wounds at the same time. Let her know how you feel about your last encounter and maybe discuss how you could heal the friendship in the future. You may not way to have her in the life, but it would probably be nice to make amends at the same time.
It seems a little odd that she would ask you to be her MOH anyways if she never made up with you after the fight. Would you consider being a bridesmaid? That might make it easier turning the MOH position down... if you don't want to do that though, it would probably be nice to at least attend the wedding. Good luck!
2007-12-29 16:56:23 · answer #1 · answered by *ae* 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
As one person has stated, that's impolite to even anticipate you to stay for 7 days. in case you in basic terms prefer to fly interior the day in the previous the marriage, that's your organization. it extremely is in all probability to get a team low value, yet nevertheless the nice and comfortable button is it skill she's getting visitors to help finance the marriage. As for the week... that's *your* trip. in my view, that's impolite of the bride to anticipate you to pass on different tours. she would be in a position to signify them, yet you're under no criminal accountability to pass. the marriage is a occasion of love, so visitors might desire to comprehend that the MOH and her husband are having some trip time on my own. as nicely, if the different visitors question why you at the instant are not there, what's the worst ingredient that would take place? what's worse, upsetting some visitors, or lacking out on trip time on my own at the same time with your husband?
2016-10-09 09:58:51 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is definetly not rude at all...I would suggest you not be this girl's MOH! She must not have any sisters, cousins, or good friends because she is asking you and you haven't even talked to her in 10yrs. A girl I knew asked her highschool friend to be the MOH in her wedding and they haven't talked in 9yrs(the girl accepted the position) and the MOH was HORRIBLE!(Im not saying you would be horrible if you accepted the position, Im just saying how she was during the planning of the wedding) She didn't do anything for the bride, but the wedding went well. Im thinking she doesn't have anyone bc of the story I just told you..To be honest, I wouldn't even give the gift card..At most, I would just send a card and say Congratulations especially if you haven't talked in 10yrs...If you want to go wedding, then thats up to you, I probably wouldn't even go! I haven't talked to my college roomate in 4yrs and Im not even inviting her to my wedding because we grew apart..People change over time, either for the better or for the worse..In my circle of friends, it's been for the worse, so I just accept it and move on!! She will get over it though if you opt out of to be the MOH! But, Just go with your first initial feeling, whatever that was! Your gut feelings are the best and always know best! Good Luck!
2007-12-29 13:08:39 · answer #3 · answered by lilly 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You don't have to bring up the past. Tell her you appreciate the offer but that you won't be able commit yourself to being her MOH. If she sends you an invite, then go. Just because you declined her offer doesn't mean that you can't go to the wedding. When you decline, just be gracious and sweet. Asking to be in a wedding isn't an obligatory yes on the part of the askee.
2007-12-29 15:52:08 · answer #4 · answered by Wishing on a Dream 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it's not rude to decline the offer as long as you don't decline rudely. if you send her a gift card to wherever with a note that says thank you for the offer but i just don't feel comfortable since we haven't spoken to each other in 10 years. i wish you the best of luck and all the happiness in your married life. that way it's still polite and you still might be invited to the wedding.
2007-12-29 13:34:30 · answer #5 · answered by cowgirlclub 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No your not being rude if you are polite and trufull about how you feel and say thank you for thinking of you after all these years but you dont feel comfortable because too much time as past and you are both different people that you were back then and you didn't exactly leave each on the best of terms and her friends werent eaxlty nice you so you dont feel like being pals with them. I would do the same if a old friend of mine after 10 yrs did the same thing to me. (I didnt go to school Reunion for that reason because i didnt feel like being pal with people that werent nice too me back then. Best of luck
2007-12-29 17:06:13 · answer #6 · answered by Wen * 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would never say yes to someone who I haven't talked to in ten years and was a jerk to me the last time I saw her.
Say no. Go to the wedding but only if you want to.
2007-12-29 16:56:14 · answer #7 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is nothing wrong in not wanting to and I even applaud uou for addressing it right away to give her time to find someone else.
CALL her and tell her.Tell her you thought about it and you just wont be able to time wise and financiallly.
See if you are invited to the wedding and see if you really want to go when that time comes.
2007-12-30 02:37:04 · answer #8 · answered by sammy3256 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, it is not rude to decline and it sounds like you don't owe her a thing! I think sending her a card and a gift card is a nice thing for you to do...it's okay to wish someone well in their marriage but not participate in the ceremony.
2007-12-29 13:18:47 · answer #9 · answered by auntcookie84 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its okay to say no. Especially as there are duties you'd be expected to do and you'd feel awkward. Explain to her that you are flattered and honored but wouldn't feel comfortable doing so. Perhaps you can regain your friendship now that you're both older and wiser. If so and she invites you as a guest, you should go.
2007-12-29 12:51:19 · answer #10 · answered by Q-mama 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋