Guys and Gals....what do you think?

Question

I've been married to my husband for 12 years, and we have 2 daughters. My husband tends to have wondering eyes at other women quite often. He calls waitresses "hun" in front of me, and the other night, I heard him talking on the phone with a friend about all the "MILF's" (Mom's I'd Like to Fuc-) that he saw the other night when we took our kids to see a movie. It used to really bug me when he did or said these things, but it's gotten to the point where it's just hurtful now. It really hurts my feelings because I've stuck by my husband through A LOT. I would bet waaay more then a lot of women would ever tolerate. I've always been dedicated and forgiving and faithful to him, and I've stayed with him because I love him and my kids adore him, but sometimes he is just so thoughtless!! SOOO.....guys tell me what you think about this and ladies, tell me what you think too. Please no "Just leave the bastard" type comments. We're married with children and that means a lot to me.

Answer 1

Well, men will be men. I wouldn't be concerned about the "hun" part, as most men I know do the same - married or not- but the MILF thing may be a concern. It may have to do with his friends. Single friends seem to get married guys in trouble with all their antics when it comes to women. I've found the married men who hang out with other DEVOTED married men seem to stay married longer. It's all about the company you keep.

But you need to tell him how you feel. Most men are totally oblivious to the problem until it's pointed out. Have realistic expectations of your man, but also keep to your standards. If something is making you uncomfortable, speak up. Don't just whine and complain, or argue about it. Talk to him when you are calm and he is in a good mood. Help him understand that if you were doing the same thing, it would more than likely hurt his feelings as well.

With kids involved, and it's obvious you love him very much, the most important thing to remember is that you are worth something, and your husband needs to respect and honor you the way you do him. Good luck!

Answer 2

First off I would tell you to listen to Dr. Laura. www.drlaura.com. She answers questions like this everyday. She also has a book called "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". Your husband may not be trying to be rude, but maybe is trying to light that spark back in you that is no longer there. Have you gained a lot of weight? Do you nag him more? Are you still hot and sexy in the bed bedroom? Guys don't need much to make them happy, but if he is having these thoughts about other women, first you should take a long hard look at yourself and see if there is a reason for it. Put something sexy on tonight or surprise him and hop in the shower with him. Make him feel the way you know he wants to feel. You should not leave. You have a responsibility to keep you r family together. But check out Dr. Laura Schlessinger. She has all the answers. She is on the radio in South Calif from 12-3pm on KOGO News 600.

Answer 3

The very words we speak are just as hurtful as many violent slaps and it is not helped any by the canned laughter on TV that supports rude and thoughtless language.
You certainly need to speak with him about it, but in a non threating way. Perhaps you could ask him how he would handle the problem if it were turned around. Perhaps you could ask him how to deal with it so that the children will not learn this behaviour and destroy any chances for happiness they may have with a relationship.
While I do not know what to tell you to say, you must use a calm and relaxed time to talk. Let him look at this very action from the point of view that will force him to think of ways to correct it on his own.
My prayers are with you and your family. This is a good family and these things can be addressed without anger. God bless you and yours.

Answer 4

Just because you buy a car doesn't mean you can't still scan the ads in the paper. The danger starts when you start going on test drives and calling the sales manager.
I guess it's possible that you have no fantasies, and don't think any actors, etc are handsome. It sound like your husband just doesn't have the good sense to not say it out loud. Not the worst fault on the planet. Have you tried dressing up like some of the MILFs?

Answer 5

Hmm... what would I think if I were in that situation? If your husband isn't cheating, or hasn't cheated, then your relationship and your kids must mean a lot to him as well. One idea might be for you to explain to your husband that you understand his being attracted to other women and ask him to be more considerate of your feelings. Ask him to not be so blunt about the subject when you are around. I'm not encouraging you to tell him to keep it behind your back, but to just have him respect your feelings. Now a question for you. Are you attracted to other men? Not attracted as in you would consider having an affair, but attracted where you notice other men and even give them a second look, or acknowledge that they are attractive to you? I think most people are, and even though they would never pursue it, some are more vocal about it than others. Good luck with what ever you decide to do.

Answer 6

If you have not doubt about his love for you then I say talk this over with him or give him a dose of his own medicine and see how he likes it. Don't be a big flirt but let him see you checking out other guys. This should get a reaction out of him. IF this doesn't work all that's left is either suck it up or leave. Sometimes staying with someone just because of the kids isn't the right reasons to stay. Good Luck and Be Strong!!

Answer 7

I think you should gather with your gals and do the same, see how he feels, and if he obviously doesn't give a damn then you'll obviously realize how he can care less and if you don't want to leave him you'll have to lay down the rules, then again, you can't really blame him i mean me being a boy have hormones i can't really control, imagine older men! lol it's a part of man hood most women hate but then again you never know , all those ladies to him are only kick it whores and your the real deal to him :) think about that and if this isn't the case well then let him now communication is key and remember us guys are like that kinda hard to deal with but it's nature

good luck

Answer 8

If being married means more to you than how he treats you, and how he treats other women (you don't say if you wonder if it goes beyond talking, which is something I would consider), then there really isn't much to say. If he won't listen to you and won't compromise then that shows quite a lack of respect for you. I hope your children aren't learning to expect this for themselves when they grow up.

The best thing I can suggest is finding couples counseling... if he won't listen and doesn't seem to care how you feel or what you think, then it's quite likely he won't go. But, even if only you go, it can still be valuable. Sometimes one person making changes can help change the relationship -- or see what they're really willing to accept that they can't change, and either determine they really do want to remain that way, or what they're willing to do to change their circumstances.

Answer 9

Sounds like you want to stay with him but you don't want this inconsiderate behavior to continue. Worth noting: if he provides for you, the kids love him, and you love him - its a man's instinct to talk like that. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt, but its not necessarily him being unfaithful. Most women oogle over celebrities in the magazines, so guys do the same with random women they meet. Instinct mostly.

Maybe consider seeing a relationship therapist and getting him involved. If you feel concerned enough here to type a paragraph on Yahoo! Answers it's obviously enough of an issue where more professional outside help would be relevant.

Answer 10

i understand where you are coming from
while it may be hard on your kids, you need to do what you feel is right! if he is really hurting you, you should not put up with that and if your kids are old enough you need to explain things to them
you have to sit down with your husband and speak with him seriously, tell him how you'd like to make the relationship work not just for your kid's sakes, 12 years is a long time and tell him how it can only work if he matures
good luck!
do what YOU feel is best!!!!