My friend w/benefits & I have known each other 2 months. We started talking back at the end of Oct. & started sleeping together in Nov. Well, back in the first part of Nov. I asked him if he had any other fwbs & he said "no, that's why I haven't had sex in almost 2 months." But we haven't discussed "other people" since then. How should I bring it up to ask him if he's had sex w/anyone since he started having sex w/me? We have never used protection. Yes, I know that is a scary thought....please spare a lecture I already know it's stupid & I'm going to do something about it next time. I want to just ask him & if he says he has then I want to tell him that he needs to bring protection next time if there's ever a next time. (either way, whether he has or hasn't I want protection) If I ask him that way though, will he think I'm being weird or anything? I think I have a right to know. If you have any better ideas on how to word it please let me know.
2007-12-29 11:30:55 · 31 answers · asked by love my life 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It's 2007 (soon 2008), you don't have to ask HIM to bring protection. You can get it yourself too. And that would be a perfect way to ask him if he has been sleeping with other people too. Next time, before you have sex, just say since this is not an exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, it would be wise to use protection. Then ask him if he has been sleeping around. Even if he says no you insist that you still want to use protection since even if he is not sleeping with anybody else now, he (or yourself) might at some point and you don't want to be asking every time just to see if you should or should not use protection. Besides, he could be lying to you, you can't know for sure. If that ends it all, then so be it, it's better then getting some STD or worst AIDS. You should have used protection from the beginning, but I won't lecture. You're smart enough to know that and at least you are being responsible now, better late then never! :)
2007-12-29 11:51:44 · answer #1 · answered by CinELLE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first off, what you have with each other is not a relationship. The way he looks at it, you two are not dating, and technically he feels he can see anyone he wants, regardless of how you feel, because the idea of FWB's is not to get attached. That's pretty hard, given the fact that you're fooling around and having sex with each other regularly. But if he wanted more than that, you two would be content inside a relationship, and you probably wouldn't question if he's seeing other girls. Just remember that if you two aren't going for the same thing, and he won't stop seeing other people to just fool around with you, then move on. FWB's come and go. I've been there and done that. But go on and ask him. But don't pressure him. The idea of what you two have going on is to have no strings attached. He wants to keep it that way.
2007-12-29 19:37:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You won't be "weird" for asking him about other people. Just be straightforward and yes you do have the right to know. However, if you are friends w/ benefits expect it to stay that way. Understand that in this situation you need to keep your heart out of it (if you can handle it)- so other people shouldn't matter to you emotionally. If you want more from him talk about it. Otherwise have safe sex including oral sex and enjoy having fun. Watch it! Time will get 'cha as far as emotion goes....The more time that passes you are more likely to fall in love or have stronger feelings for him. Protect your heart and emotions as well. Good luck!
2007-12-29 19:40:43 · answer #3 · answered by nicegal36 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's way too fast. Most likely he is. That's generally the case with people who get into sex quickly in a relationship. You sound quite insecure and easily manipulated. You asking him about sleeping with other women, no matter how you word it, will become a pointed question where you'll always be skeptical when he answers "no" and you'll feel deceived, cheated and hurt if he does answer "yes". Most likely he'll go away if you persist with that question. What do you want us to do? You're the one who has to go and find if you've contracted STDs or not.
2007-12-29 19:38:04 · answer #4 · answered by Morrisevers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you want to ask him and kind of get it out in the open and yet also ask him to use protection then you should maybe buy some condoms, then whenever you guys are ready to do it, just say hey, i brought um some condoms along. just to be careful. Maybe something about you were talking to a friend or somebody told you that they always do with their friend/w benefits because their "friend" has a couple other partners. that might make him say.. but i don't or um.. kay. or something that could bring up the topic of other people.
2007-12-29 19:38:05 · answer #5 · answered by Novelie 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Since you choose to live a lifestyle as being just a friend with benefits you should get your own protection. Don't depend on your partner. . . it's your life in jeopardy also. I hope you know without using protection, you're risking many std's as well as pregnancy. You can ask him if he's sleeping with other women, but it's really none of your business, you're not in a committed relationship and he'll surely lie. Good Luck!
2007-12-29 19:37:26 · answer #6 · answered by peaches6 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you like the fwb thing but you need to use protection that way if he decides to sleep with anyone else you will be protected.... This brings up the subject with out just asking, he'll let you know what he thinks about others if you bring it up this way.....
2007-12-29 19:35:47 · answer #7 · answered by jossieray 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi, i think you should definitely ask him if there has been other sex since the last time you were with him, but be prepared for a no answer . if he is about to engage in sexual activity with you he is not going to blow his chance by telling you yes. it is so scary to have sex now with so many diseases and all. I am glad you decided to use protection next time . be carefully and remember he will tell you whatever he thinks you want to hear
2007-12-29 19:38:30 · answer #8 · answered by lorlor 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that if he is just a friend with benefits, you should either take it or leave it. He probably is sleeping with other people unless you guys have discussed only sleeping with eachother. If it is bothering you that much, just come right out and ask if he is or isn't. If he gets weirded out, there are always other people willing to jump in the sack.
2007-12-29 19:36:34 · answer #9 · answered by ncyetter 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
On the one hand, a "friend with benefits" is something different from a boyfriend, and suggests a lack of exclusivity as well as a lower level of entitlement to information. On the other hand, the consequences for you of him having unprotected sex with both you and others could be drastic. But, sad to say, not everyone is truthful about this, even if you ask. Please insist on protection every time. If it seems to indicate a lack of trust, you can always blame it on fear of pregnancy, which is reasonable enough.
2007-12-29 19:36:19 · answer #10 · answered by TG 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋