This is a very long story so I will do my best to make it as short as I can I'm married to a man in the Army,Back in 06 while he was in Iraq, He cut of all communication with me.This was completely out of the blue and devastated me as we have two kids.I was a S @HM and was forced out of my home and had to start over again.He would not have much contact with me after this, other than to curse at me and make me feel like a failure.I moved to another state where I had friends and started my life over again.Meanwhile, he was still overseas.I couldn't understand what would make him feel that he needed to do that, and explained to my oldest(at the time was 5)that daddy was just sick.When he came back we rarely spoke at all, being states away from each other and he failed to even have contact with the kids.
Yesterday he opened up to me, explaining the tramatic things that happened while he was gone.He said he was pushing us away in fear that he would die.He says he wants me back.
2007-12-29 09:20:20 · 16 answers · asked by cherokee 4 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
He was my BF before we married.I still love him but I'm scared and hesitent to go back.I would have to move from AZ to Ft Benning GA.What would you do in my position?
2007-12-29 09:21:27 · update #1
Go back to him because there are a lot of soldiers that do the same thing and end up drinking themselves to death.
OIF 2003
SSG Schramm
US Army 15 years
Thank you for saving a soldier.
2007-12-29 11:29:43 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he has some serious post traumtic stress. He needs counseling immediately. If you're an Army wife, you should be part of a Family Readiness Group. That's usually the best place to start. If you two are religious, go through the chaplain's office. All of these numbers can usually be found on the fort or unit's websites. You should go through them to let them speak to his first sergeant. This isn't ratting him out, it is getting him the help he probably needs. His first sergeant will see to it he gets the kind of assistance he needs. The Army takes this stuff very seriously. It is possible he did something bad himself in Iraq--a lot of guys are doing things they know are wrong, and their conscience eats them alive. If that's the case, he still needs to get it out of his system through proper treatment, otherwise he is a danger to himself, to you and your kids, and to society. Don't waste any time--get the ball rolling before you move in together on post. I'm not at my desk now, otherwise I'd have a lot of good phone numbers on the ready.
2007-12-29 09:32:23 · answer #2 · answered by csunharleyrider@yahoo.com 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My heart goes out to you.......bless you and your family. Your hubby may be suffering from some deep emotional issues from being in the war. He most likely needs to seek help from the military medical people. Have you asked him to do this ?? If I were you I would be cautious here. It is possible he has picked up some medical condition also, something that might infect you. In the meantime, maybe you could seek some advice and counsel from your sources, a pastor or chaplain, or other military counselors. I think I would want to make sure he is okay mentally and physically before making a move. Best wishes to you, my dear.......get involved in a good, Bible teaching church, and seek help and counsel.
2007-12-29 09:31:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow.... that's so sad to hear. He may be suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Look it up online and read about it. You have to really sit down and think if he really meant what he said. Also, if you take him back, there is always a chance that he'll go back to the Sandbox and you will be treated like this all over again. Think about it long and hard. Is it worth it for your kids to go through this again? If it's not PTSD, he may have found another love interest while he was gone. (It's sad, but it happens ALL the time).
2007-12-29 09:36:56 · answer #4 · answered by Riley's Mommy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for you. Being a former serviceman who had to go on frequent deployments, I still have absolutely NO idea of what he went through while he was in Iraq. I can only say be careful, follow your heart, and take your time. If not for yourself, for your kids' sake. I would definitely seek counseling.. I am not saying that it is the absolute solution but sometimes being able to speak to someone without them being judgmental helps.
I hope everything works out for you and hope that what you truly want happens.
2007-12-29 10:31:21 · answer #5 · answered by WannagoAF 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best thing for all of you is to seek some type of counseling, NOONE should tell you what to do as far as staying or leaving him, if this is what you want to stay with him then go for it, but at least get help for you , your husband and children. military one source is a great place to start or Social work services on post, and even the Chaplin... there is no shame in getting help, I say for your children as well because they too even as young as they are have issues and feel what is going on, our son is in therapy right now because of my husband being deployed so much, and even when I left for BCT & AIT in 06.
No matter what you decide stand firm .
Good Luck to you!
Armywife & Soldier
2007-12-29 09:42:09 · answer #6 · answered by Justice35 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are willing to try I would suggest you make sure he goes to counseling. In fact you might want to go into family counseling.
It is hard to say what I would do...but what matters is what you are going to do. Being at war is very stressful and depending on the job he could have seen some tramatic things. However your happiness and your kids need to come first.
2007-12-29 09:31:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unless he is just lying to you it sound like a textbook case of PTSD. You have to contact your local VA or veteran's organization right away and get him some help. He will find it hard to work or be around others and be non-communicative with you. Some of these guys heal nicely, others are still on medication 30 years later.
2007-12-29 09:29:50 · answer #8 · answered by Psyoper 2 · 8⤊ 0⤋
that is a tough one, especially for those of us who have never seen the horrible things of war. everyone copes with stress differently, but he shouldn't have lashed out at you when he was fearing for his life. in my opinion, i think you should try as hard as you can to keep your marriage together...especially for your kids. i'd ask him to go seek some help with his issues, see where that goes. maybe moving back, but not living together, would help out a little. he should understand that seeking help for these issues isn't a weak thing to do...the brain is very complex and we still don't know everything about it. but he should still respect his entire family enough to want to get the guidance he needs.
2007-12-29 09:32:58 · answer #9 · answered by Liberal & Proud! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you love him try and talk to him. If you can't work it out with him, then you need move on without him. Think about the well being of your children. Yes, your kids need a father, but not one that is going to be abusive toward you.
Perhaps your husband needs to speak a therpist about treating him for PTSD, it can be useful. But just try talking to him first and take things slowly.
2007-12-29 09:30:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋