I am pretty good at answering other peoples problems related to heath, and mental heath, but I need help!?

Question

I feel like I am going really crazy~ I am a 34 year old single mother of 2 boys, hard to handle boys, I have no friends, well not good ones, I am on disability for depression, PTSD, Had a really bad child hood which affects my whole life, I have a major problem with self-injury since I was 11 years old, it slowed down some, but is now back full force, but this time I am hiding it. I am going back to college for nursing, (RN) which is not easy for me to do! But I still feel like I have no purpose in life! I do have a therapist, and a doctor who prescribed my medications, with all this I still feel like crap! I am tired of being alone, I keep telling myself If only I had a man who cared about me all my problems would be okay! But now I realize that is not what I need either. I am not a bad person at all, I care about others, would do anything to help any one, I have a heart of gold. So why do I still feel so bad, why am I still hurting myself. I hate holidays,

I feel very agitated and hate the world right now! I can't stop crying, I feel like my whole world is falling apart. I got into some big trouble financially, don't know how I am going to make it any more, I can barely pay bills and barely put food on the table. I have always been the shy quit girl who never bothered any one, now I am just flipping out, if something gets in my way I am throwing it. I can not take it any more, I am a mess. I go to church, I believe in God, but I feel right now everyone hates me, even my own pastor is upset with me, and often tells me I should go into the hospital for help, but when I do, she looks down on me, the hospital does not help, life will still be the same when I get out. My 14 year old son just got out of the hospital, found out he was on drugs really bad, he treats me like crap, even when I don't do anything, we just can't get along, I have tried everything to get help with him, but the reality is that he is my child, and I have to deal

I have to deal with it, even though I am scared of him! I hate life so much! All I want is a friend, someone who will listen to me and someone to talk to when life gets so hard! I don't know where to get help! Even though I can help others! This is really hard, can anyone help me? Is there any suggestions out there? Please be nice, I can't handle any harsh answers! Thanks!

I love my church, but know matter how hard I try it is not good enough, I am just crazy in their eyes, they don't see my accomplishments, just what I am doing wrong, I try to reach for help there, but get turned away, too scared to switch churches, plus it is a very small church, they have nothing extra at my church!

Answer 1

You CAN do it! Even though your son may not appreciate you right now (he is 14!), your kids need you. It sounds like you need to take some time out for yourself and get the help you need. I would talk to your therapist about everything you just said...maybe you need to adjust your medications to make you feel more balanced.
It sounds like you are very busy...but maybe if you volunteer somewhere it will put all of your problems into perspective and give you and opportunity to meet other caring people that you can form friendships with. Or go to a depression support group where you can meet other people who have been where you are right now.
Take each day as it comes. You will make it through this. I know it is hard...but your kids need you and even though it may not feel like it...they love you. So take care of yourself!!!!! Praying you start to feel better!

Answer 2

I have been exactly where you are sweety. The first thing you must do is tell your therapist how your feeling. Everything you just told us. And make sure you tell your shrink. It's very possible you need your meds adjusted. We both know that our meds don't fix the problems, but if they are at the right levels, they will make our problems workable.
The way my psychiatrist explains it to me, is that as long as I keep my meds (and I take alot) at the right levels I can deal with the crisis when they come up without feeling like I will die.
Don't get me wrong, I still get suicidal at times, but I don't live that way any longer.

Answer 3

you must have strength as you've made it this far! im a single mum and know just how hard it can be and i cry myself to sleep sometimes too! there is a light at the end of the tunnel as ive maneged to get a qualification and am now a driving instructor,working for myself! hopefully my business will take off after the new year and things are looking up.it,s a great idea for you to get back into a career,you will feel sooo much better being someone other than just mum! you need a life too! keep it up and you will get there...im sure.you're not alone hun and all kids were sent to try our patience...its their job to annoy the hell out of us and ours to be there when they cock it up!

Answer 4

You've built in both physiological support (i.e., medication), psychological support (i.e., a therapist), which are excellent and vital first steps. You are making strides vocationally and educationally (you have goals and are moving forward to accomplish them.

At this point, you must ask yourself...what is missing?

Perhaps building spirituality into your quest for wholeness and healing is what's lacking?

Why not see what resources and healing may be available at your local, Christian church? It may be possible that your current church body is not the right one for you. What about trying a different church? You could find social support there, a positive influence for your boys, and possibly much MUCH more.

Hang in there,
~M~

Answer 5

I wonder if you have the ability of transference, by that I mean when a kid sees a superman movie, the next day he's superman and goes about caped, he never walks anywhere because he can fly

Have you ever read Pollyanna? If not read it. If so read it again. That tale is worth a library of self help books

You need also to value others more. You complain about your sons, you moan about your friends.

My daughter has a 'good memory tree' and list the good times she has had. It is good also to value your time

Learn to worship. Go to church with something to give to God, something from your heart.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

if you came so far then you are giving your self less credit.
you are raising 2 hard boys and one i doing drugs yet you are there no matter what, you are going back to school that is something to looking forward to and celebrating.

who cares what they think about you? this should give you more power to fight and prove them wrong and being the last one standing.

good luck and can talk to me anytime . i will be your friend