what should i do about my living situation? - its causing me alot of anxiety, worry & depression?

Question

firstly, iam a 30 year old borderline personality sufferer & my long term goal is to move back to somewhere in europe.

present circumstances are : ive lived alone in a one bedroom flat for 2 years now, ive had a very traumatic life, alot of traumatic events have happened to me....ie, bullying...sexual abuse...assaults etc.
because of my terrible experiences, ive ' never ' made any friends. ive ' never ' had a girlfriend or been in a relationship ever.
ive never been employed or gained qualifications ever.

after 2 years of living alone , ive done well to pay bills etc & survive....but im starting to feel lonely, isolated & alienated from society....plus the area i live in isnt the roughest area in the uk....but it has its percentage of yobbish, antisocial youths that hang around in gangs that shout...fight...blast music...speed cars...act threatening & intimidating.....which aggrevates my anxiety & makes it doubly difficult to want to go out any where.

i have aggraphobia to

and isolate myself....i stay inside for weeks at a time.

i have no savings....and hardly own any possessions except an
old dusty computer.

ive missed therapy appointments because of my anxiety and fear
of going out.

im also trying to get a second opinion because my psychiatrist wont
give me medication.

i have alot going on.

just lately though, because im isolated and alone, & because of the area
im in.....im wondering whether i should move to a safer area...where im
living in an environment around other people....because at least then i
wouldnt be lonely.
but the dilema is, for the short term, where would i move to thats a safer
area?......its a big upeval....and the unknown.....plus i suppose to live
in a nice area...you would need to have money ?

i have none and live off benifits.

but living alone, with no one to call...no friends to contact....no partner to
turn to.....is starting to give me cabin fever and im starting to panic and
feel abandoned.

plus the area im in which is not roughest, but has its groups of hoodies,
teenage thugs....that cause alot of noise and disturbance.

and their not bothering me directly but its just their activities.

but the main thing which is eating me up, is the loneliness and living
alone......feeling like im missing out on something, somewhere.

a part of me wants to be taken care of, where i live around others and
have all the responsibilty taken away from me...in a structured environment.

i put this down to my mother over protecting me and rapping me up in
cotton wool growing up...not allowing me to learn for myself...
keeping me off school when i was being bullied etc.

im allowed no pets here either and a couple of weeks ago my mum dropped
a bomb on me by telling me she had emphesema....which crushed me..

ive not contacted her since because its frightened me, she also tells me
she cant get around like she used to.

i just have the urge to flee to a safe area, get away from everything.

and like i said my long term goals are to move ' back ' to europe in a
small coastal village....in my own house with a loving partner.

but what should i do now ?

stay here and work to my long term goals of moving away to europe or chance
moving to a safer area of britain for now where im around other people,
but would also involve alot of complication and upeval ?

Answer 1

If you're miserable in your current situation you need to go ahead and get out of it. Otherwise eventually some event will trigger an outburst of some sort that forces you to get out in the worst possible way. There have been two occasions in my life where I planned on doing something for a year but became miserable almost immediately. In both those occasions I attempted to stick it out and eventually blew up the way I mention above so left rather quickly as a result of the blow up.

As to the loneliness - you might want to check out some of the Yahoo Messenger Chat Rooms to see if any of the subjects there interest you. Go to the room and discuss the subject as a way to start a conversation. Often you can do private message to people (don't do so until you've asked their permission in the room) when you want to have a one on one conversation.

On line dating sites are another option. Some people make fun of these things but many people have actually met through them. One benefit to these is you can generally get profile information about each other then correspond BEFORE you ever meet so the first meeting is a little less awkward.

As to the drugs - You should be happy you have a doctor that doesn't go to those immediately. My understanding is that they don't so much control your feelings as eliminate them which is NOT a good thing. That is why so many people that really DO need them often quit taking them.

The deal with everything worthwhile is it takes time and effort. Quick fixes very often don't fix anything and are more likely to introduce problems that weren't there before (e.g. chemical dependencies).

Answer 2

i understand what you are saying.
i would advice you to let go of blaming your mother, she did what she thought was good for you at that time and may be robbed you the chance to go to school.

at the end most of us did have a romatic up bring and some of us have also been been victims of sexual abuse at a younger age, but then wont let those who hurt us win.
our lives our what we make of them and is always in our own hands and forever it will be.

now get up and make a promise to your self to be the best that you can be.
30 years is such a beautiflu age to start stilll very young.
it is not late at all, see if you can go to school part time and do a small course that can help you get a small job then with time you expand, we all start somewhere and by taking chances.

i will advise you to stay where you are so you have less to worry about, then once you have managed something like a small job then move, a new life a new housing and a new you with focus,

every where is dangerous for us, every place is not safe, but it is all about who you are and what you stand for and what you are doing there and above all who you hang around.

as for friends, you need no one to make you happy, it firts starts with you, if you are not happy what makes you think that you can make the next person happy?

bad energy will only attract the same people like you which will not help you at all. rememeber birds of the same feathers flok together.

so stand up , it is a new year and new year. feel good about your self and good things will come.positive thoughts brings miracles.

good luck and all the best. i am your friend and i believe in you even though you so far and dont know you.

Answer 3

I think you are spending far too much time 'asking' for help here..you should start a daily diary, for one...I think if you can afford it, you should go as soon as possible to a PAID doctor, and get the proper diagnosis, probably more like OCD because of your obbessive thoughts that you cannot control on a daily basis...this also contributes to your not being able to leave the house because of your severe anxiety..If everything bothers you as it does,...it is because you are not getting the things in your life that you feel you deserve and need...and unfortunately, you might as well join the club ..but not to sound heartless, because you are struggling with things that are out of your control...you need to get to a paid doctor and get some meds like Luvox, for the OCD, and some XANAX for the anxiety attacks...and then into some good therapy..although, it sounds like you have for the most part figured it out what is and has caused it...but over the years, and from the stress,...it is causing you a severe chemical imbalance,...which is what also causes anxiety and OCD...it is so simple...and you really do not need to suffer like this...My prayers are always with you

Answer 4

Je t

Answer 5

seek help