What do you say to co-workers who ask personal questions?

Question

I am a private person but I find that the number one problem that I have with co-workers is when they want to know about your personal life. There are things in my past that I don't want to disclose because they are painful. What is a diplomatic way of telling a co-worker to mind their own business?

I am just overwhelmed by all the great responses here and I want to thank all of you for the great answers!

When at work, I like to be friendly and keep the talk general. I don't want to offend anybody but I find when co-workers get aggressive with the questioning, I don't know how to tell them in a way that will not offend them.

Answer 1

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!

Answer 2

Being a private person myself, I can completely relate to your dilemma, but hey, being of a friendly disposition, I do like to know a little bit more about the people I associate with on a daily basis (friends for me, co-workers for you!) Maybe they're just being polite, maybe they're interested in you, maybe they see potential for a great friendship that extends beyond the workplace. If this is the case, I recommend you do not shoot them down at once, rather allow them to get to know you a little better, and then ease them into the fact that there are some things that you are uncomfortable with, and would rather not discuss. Who knows, this may prompt the other person to divulge something private about themselves (after all, everyone has their own baggage) and you may decide that you were being overly careful for no reason.

All the best, whichever path you choose.

Answer 3

You have several options. 1. You can deflect and turn the question around (it's so nice of you to be interested... what were you doing/have you ever... is there something I said that caught your interest?) 2. You can look the person in the eye, smile and say, this isn't really something I feel comfortable discussing in the workplace. Perhaps some other time when it's not in a professional environment?
There's lots of ways, some more manipulative than others, to deal with it - hope you get some more good answers.

Answer 4

My diplomatic way of dealing with this is to give them really bizarre answers. For example: I used to cut myself and I have some obvious scars on my arms. I was handing something to a colleague & my sleeve went up & he looked at my wrist & said "Woah what happened right there?" I looked at him & said in all seriousness "I was abducted by a UFO and they decided to see if I would make a good puppet." He got the picture that it's none of his business and "ask a stupid (or nosy) question..."

Answer 5

Well, I'd consider that you shouldn't try to alienate yourself from people who can be good friends in the future or people that can help guide you when needed (in work or at home). Know things that pre-occupy your time at home such as if you have a kid, learn to make jokes about something your kid did, or if you like to read to be prepared to brag about the latest books you've read or magazines, or if you have hobbies just prepare yourself for how you'd respond to questions if asked. Alienating yourself is entirely up to you but try to be positive about things when asked about where you went to school or got your education. Small talk is mostly about someone trying to get to know you or pass the time or to include you in the group.

I'd think you should try to focus on all of the positive things you did in the past and block out the negative when socializing. It's harder when the past is more recent but in time you'll be carrying on in the present tense with your new found friends.

This is my position on it and it'd be much healthier for you I'd think in the long term. If you take the hardline approach ('none of your business'; 'I don't feel comfortable talking about that') then you'll be excluded from the team when it comes to socializing.

Answer 6

that's kind of a tricky situation many times people see their work-mates as a second family so not sharing comes of as rude or untrusting but i guess you could just be really vague and distant when asked personal questions but this would not be accepted where i work we know everything about each other and if you don't share facts about your personal life and past then the rumors start and they are usually far worse than the truth

Answer 7

I just try to pretend i did not hear like if I was far way minding my own business, then I apology and ask to be repeat the question again, and in any way try to manage, if the person is brave enough to repeat the question, then half way trough I try to make myself busy and apology, saying one moment please. if at this stage the other person does not get the message. I go back to first step!

Answer 8

I would just tell them, " I am sorry, but my personal life is personal to me and I would like to keep it that way" They should definately get the hint by this. If they start talking about their personal life tell them that you like them and all but you would rather not hear about personal things in their life....good luck

Answer 9

I like to throw it back at them by making it awkward. ie if they ask about family I just say that the person is dead - try to look shocked or sad when they ask it. If they persist just keep piling it on (they died of cancer, but I got to pull the plug - so that was fun).

Answer 10

In any setting, if I find myself in that situation, I calmly ask "Why do you want to know?". Then let them stutter and come up with a diplomatic reason. Then, I ask them a question about them, and they usually love to talk about themselves, so that throws attention off me.

Answer 11

You can reply with "Why do you ask?" They should back off. If they don't and give a reason like just wanting to know or some other nosy reason, then you reply with "It was nothing exciting enough to share."