The Secret Diary of a Cat?

Question

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding on the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed (again).
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
Day 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, inattempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was ...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.But I can wait; it is only a matter of time....

Answer 1

hahahahahaha....that was wicked*

Answer 2

Hi Quizard! This is one of my favorite furpurr fables...it's actually all true to hear it from my kitties lips...lol

DAY 775 - I escaped! Oh the taste of freedom at last! I almost got run over by one of their metal thingies but I was too fast and clever! I ran up a tree and finally figured out how to get down after the little girl went away after calling to me forever it seemed. I chased some birds but was unsucessful and am getting hungry. I'm a bit peeved...are they even looking for me? Maybe I'll even let them catch me so I can eat and take a nap. It's starting to rain...

The flip side...Hehehe

Answer 3

Lol Honey me and cats aint good friends,so I have no commenet,'suce me tonight looked into that Jack Daniels to deep,now I can't even spell'HIC HIC HIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here Have a star.
Got some South African friends over.!!!!!!!

Answer 4

If you wrote this yourself you are very talented. Well thought out and well written and very funny.

Answer 5

I am very interested in your story, you sound like someone who is creative and charming. Please continue to write and send me your stories to [e-mail]. I am a cat lover and I totally fell in love with your story. :)

Answer 6

Sooo thats what my cat is really up to.

Answer 7

You should make this into a book.

ITS GRRRREAT!

Oops, sorry its a cat not tiger lol

Answer 8

ha ha ha funny
thanks for a laugh
10/10

Answer 9

did you come up with that yourself? Thats great really funny :D

Answer 10

lol that is so funny and so true as a new owner of two lil kittens!!!

Answer 11

if i werent scared of cats before i am now LOL