sex fears?

Question

i asked this another board but i didn't get a good answer:

ive never had sex before and ive come close but evertime i want to i freak out cause im scared about STDs,pregancy, the guy not respecting me after, someone finding out and judging me ect. it makes me mad not to mention the guy im with

have u ever had any of these fears? how did u get over them?

Answer 1

Everyone has these fears. Those who don't either have STD's now, or they are lieing. As far as your fears about a guy not respecting you, etc., that will only happen if you hook up with a guy you don't know very well. You sound to me like a young lady who is looking for that "special guy". Nothing wrong with that. Me, I'm single and see different women. But we are all friends and protection is a must. So, my suggestion is simply this, don't rush into it. Wait till you meet a guy that seems to genuinely like you. Spend time with him and learn about each other before jumping into bed. If he truly likes you, when that "moment" happens, he will have the respect to be patient and "gentle". Just don't jump right into it. You have plenty of time.

Answer 2

The fact that you care about these things proves that you're a good girl. Here's the deal.....even if you try to make your first time absolutely perfect, i'm talking flowers, candles, candies, the perfect guy...even if you have ALL those things, when you get in your late twenties or thirties, you're going to think back and go "what the heyll was i thinking" lol....NOBODY'S first time is perfect b/c they're no such thing. Most women think "what was i thinking sleeping with that loser"....i'm thinking you might be a little young, but, if you feel like you're ready, don't worry about people judging you, you have to live your life for you and nobody else. If you're worried about STD's and pregnancy, be absolutely certain you use protection. Take your own to the scene of the crime! Watch him put it on and check during the act to make sure he still has it on. If you're worried about the guy respecting you, well, guys are funny.....sometimes the guy u think is the nicest will flip the script and there's nothing you can do about that. Just try to find someone who is genuinely nice and hope for the best. Hope this helps!

Answer 3

It sounds to me like you are being smart with your concerns about STDs, pregnancy, loss of respect, etc.

You should be concerned about all of those things because they are all real possibilities.

You call them fears, but to me they are the kind of concerns anyone should have prior to having sex.

Of course any concern could become an irrational fear, but to me I don't see anything irrational about what you are concerned about.

Maybe you "freaking out" before attempting to have sex is your mind and spirit telling you not to make a mistake. Your conscience.

Perhaps a lot more people should listen to their conscience the way you have and maybe then there would be less unwanted children, AIDs victims, and broken hearts.

Hopefully you will wait to have sex when you are married or at the very least in a long term committed relationship with someone that respects you, loves you, and would never pressure you into doing anything you are not ready for.

If you are a teenager, then you definitely should not be having sex now. I know a lot of teens do but they often regret it for many of the reasons you say you are scared of it.

Answer 4

Hello,
If you have tried many times and have not yet had sex because you freak out everytime with the worries you mentioned, honey, I think you are with the wrong guy.
Sex is an extension of love or affection or other feelings two people have for each other, unless it is paid sex. Between a girl and her bf, like they get to know each other or how they understand each other or adjust with each other, in sex also a lot of effort and support should happen from each other. A girl should not be pushed into it. Especially like you who have many worries should be helped through the love making act by your bf. It is his responsibiity to you. If your attempts so far has been like scrambling to do some sexual acts, and since you had freaked out all the times, I think yor bf has been irresponsible towards you.
Every person, girl or guy, has their own inhibitions or worries about many things. In a relation, partners have to help each other go through every aspects of the relation, and help each other enjoy the relation together.
Dont get pressurised about not having sex. Dont feel bad also. You will enjoy sex soon, you will also do the love making acts well.
Take care.. All the best..
Wish you A Very Happy and Safe New Year...

Answer 5

I have had these fears before and honestly the first time I did anything with a guy he was a jerk and didn't respect me after. Considering the type of guy he was I kinda brushed it off and move on. I think the real test is time. After you date a person for a while,at least a couple of months, and get into there world a little and are sure without a doubt that you can trust that person you will know if the time is right. Don't sweat it your heart will tell you

Answer 6

Well first of all how old are you? If you're younger than 18 then you really should wait. There is no rush to grow up, you're only a teen for a very short time, you have the rest of your life to be an adult. Also, once you give this very special gift to the guy that you are planning to sleep with, what else is there? You'll have given him something so precious, and you can never have it back. You are right to be concerned with everything that you've mentioned but if you can't talk to the guy that you're planning on giving 'it' to, then you're not ready to have it. Best of luck.

Answer 7

Don't rush to have sex. Because you will only regret it in the end, especially if you do it with the wrong guy.

If your afraid that the guy won't respect you afterwoods, or will tell somebody, then their not someone you should have sex with. You need to completly trust, and love your partner.

When you are ready to have sex, make sure that you use condoms and birth control. Using both protects you more, and you won't get STD's if your careful about it.

I haven't had sex yet ethier, so I haven't gotten over anything yet. But I know that when I do, I will use both a condom and birth control, and trust my partner completly. In order to avoid all those situations.

Answer 8

First, if you are under 18 years of age, if you do decide to have sex with your boyfriend, please use a condom. It will prevent you from getting pregnant and also prevent you from getting VD (venerial disease). STD's is what it is called now. Second, be sure that you and your boyfriend have a stable and loving relationship with each other. Better yet, try to wait until you are in love with someone. When you are in love, it makes it much better. Also, try to get on birth-control pills. They are more effective than condoms. When I was younger, I wanted to do it simpy because my friends were doing it with their boyfriends. But all the boyfriends that I had, I was never in love with any of them. Going all the way with them felt like it was too personal. When I finally fell in love, we made love. It felt so right with him. My feelings for him were different than when I was with those other guys. I was very glad that I saved myself for him. There was a reason. I had found my soul-mate. We have been together now for 21 years. I still don't want to be with another man. He is the only one I have ever made love to. I can't even imagine making love with someone else. It turns my stomach just to think about it.

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Answer 9

If you have any or all of these fears, it means that you are not ready to be sexually active. If you are trying to get over the fears, I would recommend doing some research on STD's, pregnancy, etc. Make sure you are educated. Make sure you have 2+ types of protection, don't rely on the guy (i.e. condom, Pill, spermicide, etc.). If the time is right, and you are prepared, you will know. Don't rush into something you are not ready for. You will know if the time is right, and it might not be right now. Just make sure you are prepared.

Answer 10

if you think of all the bad things then your bound to be worried. if you take care of yourself then you won't get STDs, become pregnant etc. If your worried the fella wont respect you then you've answered your own question already, you should have some idea that he's not like that already! And so what if someone finds out, your old enough (aren't you?) and its no-one elses business. If your young, its normal cos people are stereotypical of young girls, but please don't stress, its all part of grwoing up and living and having relationships. its THE most intimate, special thing that 2 people who care/love each other can do so just relax and enjoy!!!!