15 year old son?

Question

i caught my 15 year old son in a lie. he said he was staying at his friends house all night and i found out the next day that he stayed at his girlfriends house....what should i do???help!!!!

also-i feel he lied because he knew the answer would be no. not all night-i would have let him stay late and picked him up myself. hid dad and i have both talked with him and we are on the same page.
she is always welcome here also-but not all night-they are too young.
i do try to respect their privacy so they dont feel the need to sneak around.

just want some advice...anyone else been thru this???

Answer 1

Well, that's the end of his social life for...about a month. The end. Now is the time to be firm. Lying about this can lead to lying about other things. Make sure you are clear that he is grounded for lying, not for anything else. You expect him to be honest with you.

Answer 2

Well I would say put him on punishment or ground him whichever you call it. You sound like you give him just enough freedom for him not to sneak around and he crossed the boundary. When I was 15 I dont even think I was allowed to have boy's over for company. First explain to him what you did above about how you said she is welcome to come over and e,t.c and there was no need to lie and e.c.t but you dont approve of him staying the night over there. Tell him he is grounded for however long you think is right and tell him what he cant and cannot do and I personally would say he cannot have company during this time either. I would also tell him you are going to talk to her parents to let them know what happened and to ensure this doesnt happen again if they could call you to see if you said it was okay for him to stay the night which of course it wont be but at least they will notify you incase he lies again and he is there late over a certain time.

Answer 3

First, you need to find out if her parents knew and why the heyll they didn't call you and verify that this was ok. Secondly, the big crime here is the lie. At 15, he's getting older, he probably thinks he loves this girl, and truthfully, with all the problems and bad things a 15 yr old boy could be getting into, staying (supervised) at his girlfriend's house ain't all that bad. He should be grounded to the house until winter break is over and for the first week of school. Take away everything in his room that he enjoys so that it really feels like punishment. But, more importantly, talk to him and find out why he feels like he has to lie to you. Let him no your answer to things he wants to do won't always be yes, but it won't always be no either, but it's always for his best interest.

Answer 4

First I would ground him for like a month and not budge one bit on that. I would take away his phone, and give him a list of chores to do since he is going to be home for awhile. I would not let him go out at all unless with you and dad, I would not let him have any friends over, I would not let him use the phone or the computer for that time and when school starts back up he would be going to school and coming straight home doing homework and doing chores. After you get done telling him about that and taking everything away, I would call her parents to make sure that they knew about this sleep over so that they can do what they need to do to punish her. If you don't do something drastic with this problem it will continue to happen and your son will be coming to you sooner than later with a baby on the way. No parent wants to be a grandma before their kids are in their 20's. Just make sure to lay down that hammer and let him know who's boss. Good luck to you and I wish you well.

Answer 5

Let him know its not acceptable!
I know kids who lie like that and do drugs, not to accuse him of anything but hes getting at the age where the expirament.
Soo...you need to keep your eyes open from now on and call whoever parents hes suppose to stay at to double check and make sure he stays there.
Ground him for a week or so, just so he doesnt think its an easy escape.
Good Luck!

Answer 6

Oh man heres a sketchy one for you this can be really hard so maybe you yell and scream but thats just not going to get the message out hes gunna be driven further to defy you, the best way in most cases is to say hey you really do love this girl dont you?? tell me about her?? whats so great about her?? can i meet her somtime, im not saying right now or any time immediatly but one day i would like to meet her just to get to know her, i want to know the woman who stole my litlle mans heart??

just be really nice about it at first however then carefully explain how much he has disappointed you and hurt you, kids these days still love their parents but most of all the key thing the number one pain is that they disappointed you, if you just tell him that your disappointed it will most likely work out for the best and then you can lay down ur rules cafefully tell him i dont like you staying over at her house or you dont like the fact that he lied to you about it, explain to him that the best way to preserve a relationship is to be carefull with ur girlfriend because nothing ruines young love more than having a kid come into the picture, its just like those commercials on tv the new popular ones where its cool to be a virgin or whatever, and maybe u can tell him that im a 24 year old virgin lol.

however if you come off 2 harsh or pull too hard on the leash hes gunna break it and never tell you anything again, love is a funny thing especially when ur young if somone tries to break it you will fight and do anything to keep it, people these days are just desperate for love, and the saddest thing of all is when parents push their kids away and say no and in the extreem cases driving their kids to fly over seas to be with that 30 year old in england or whatever........lol im sorry to say but you really need to carefully work around these problems because somtimes the worst thing is when your parents approve of your girlfriend because he was jsut doing it for the thrill trying to get some attension looking for a little conflict

Answer 7

Ground him- don't let him see his girlfriend or any of his friends for that matter. If he's going to lie to you- let him do nothing but lay in his room bored.

Of course talk to him about safe sex and all of that too-- but my goal (as a parent) is to NOT raise a liar. My oldest son knows, to get the respect he wants and deserves he has to give me respect, by that he needs to be honest, trustworthy and so on. Therefore he WOULD be grounded.

Answer 8

By the mere fact that he had to lie about where he was shows he's not mature enough to have this type of relationship. Your additional comments seem to indicate you want to give him privacy and support him having a girlfriend. If he's not mature enough to tell the truth and be responsible for his actions, your enabling is only going to make matters worse and lead to very unwanted consequences.
Until he shows some responsibility and better maturity, stop supporting the mixed message of "you're a man but I'll treat you like a kid."

Answer 9

I would make sure that you and your son, had a "talk" with your son, because if he slept over at his girlfriends house, he probably didnt do alot of sleeping...

He might be upset with you, but lay down the law.

Answer 10

Ask why did he think he had to lie? If he would have told you he wanted to go to his girlfriend's house would you have allowed it? If not, you must be able to convince him that you know best for him today. At 18 he can make his own decisions. The only time it's ok to lie is to get out of a beating, not to disrespect your parent. Also he must realize that being straight with you will increase his self-respect and respect for others.