my boyfriend and i broke up 'cause his mom is racist. He won't talk to me but he's always staring at me. Why?

Question

My boyfriend and I had a great relationship we never fought, could always talk things out, could always count on one another. The problem was his mom, I'm black, he's white she wasn't too happy. We broke up Sophmore year because they had fight about me. She told him he couldn't be with me anymore. Now we're Juniors and even though we broke up last year I still Love him . . . alot. We haven't had a real conversation since last year. He WON'T TALK TO ME!!! But he's always staring at me. If I look at him he looks down, I walk past him he looks down, he follows me around the halls acting like he supposed to be going that way when he's not. Why is he doing this? Neither of us have managed to get with anyone else, but we've tried . . . it didn't work. it didn't feel right. Could my ex still love me? Or am I just imagining things? Should I try and talk to him . . . Or should I just let it go?

Answer 1

he likes you, but sounds like he is a mama's boy....and that is not a good thing. move on

Answer 2

Its hard when your dealing with family pressures in something like this. It sounds like he still cares for you and can't do anything about it due to them. Let him know you still care but don't want to pressure him from your end-I'm sure he feels trapped enough. Tell him if he ever wants to go to lunch or talk or more, that you are there and that you don't want to cause a problem but that he's almost a man and maybe college and independent life may change your situation. Family is hard, especially if you are younger, living at home. I'm white and was raised very well I think, but my Mom was old school and would have been aghast if I dated a person of another race, then she would have calmed down if she knew I was in love and givebn herself a chance to get to know the person and the quality of person they were. Thats whats important. Things are so much more accepted nowdays, but you have to realize-I'm 48 yrs and raised in a time where busing for integration took place and my white friends wouldn't come to my party(some) because I invited my 2 black girlfriends. So Stupid, I didn't get it and cried-so understand, many parents (my kids are 13 and 20) are from then-and this was Southern CA, not the south or anywhere where it can be harsher. Good Luck my dear, give him your understanding and friendship first-you'll be glad you did. It makes you so much BIGGER than those who can't.

Answer 3

It does sound like he still loves you, it is just unfortunate that he won't confront his mom and stand up for what he believes in.

Since he won't talk to you (he must be afraid his mom will find out), perhaps you can write him a letter and hand it to him at school. If he gets the chance to learn how you feel... and think about how he feels without the pressure of his mom right then you might get somewhere.

This way at least your cards are on the table. True love is worth giving it your all. If somehow this all blows up, at least you can know you tried -- and you won't regret what "could have been" for years to come.

Answer 4

too bad for his mom, she is missing out on getting to know what appears to me to be an intelligent young woman...

the problem is your ages right now, and I don't mean that you don't care for each other, what I mean is you are under your parent's rules and he is under his parent's...your problem is he probably is so ashamed by his mom's behavior that he can't face you...I know I would be if I loved someone and my parents forbid me to see them just because they are racists...thats big to a generation that I find more accepting towards mans different cultures and a generation that is willing to learn about them as well.

There will come a time when you will no longer have the same constraints, and when your friend becomes an adult, he will make his own choices, he is obviously unhappy by your description of him and misses you maybe you could let him know that you don't blame him for the way his mother or family thinks, that it is him you love and it is him you want to spend time with, maybe try hanging out with the same group of friends, this way you could be group dating and at least still be friends until if you still feel the same you are old enough to do something about your feelings, his parents will just have to accept his choices in life this is something they must learn, but meanwhile just try to be a friend. I feel for you.

Answer 5

Talk to him about it, why he won't talk to you. Tell him exactly how you feel. He's probably just taking his mothers advice, but that's because his mother is older, and has experienced things before he has. Doesn't mean she's right under this topic, but talk to him and find out what you can do to make him see that you truly love him (without doing that if you know what I mean ;-) ). if he's following you, slow down and let him catch up, and then walk with him and start up a conversation and tell him you know his mother doesn't agree with it, but ask him what he feels about racism. His answer may or may not hurt, obvious that theres only 2 answers... but since you 2 have already dated, you don't have much to worry about. Best of luck with it.

Answer 6

He probably never wanted to end it. The only thing that got in between you two was his mom. I'm sure he still loves you. This is very sad. I think what you should do is talk it out. And if you hold out long enough, he wont have to listen to the woman when he turns 18!
His mom's a *****. She ruined a good thing. If you two really love each other, i say don't let each other go. Hold on to your man!

Answer 7

You both live at home right? He's doing as told by mom. Possible that he still cares about you.
Move on don't get stuck on the emotion trip. You care and love him,done. Now enjoy the company of others and stay in light contact with him. After he finishs school and moves out of moms house maybe he'll come back to you. If its ment to be.

Answer 8

He probably misses you, but doesn't know how to handle this awkward and no doubt painful situation. He's trying to figure out how you feel, and probably doesn't know what to say. I'm sure he's embarrassed by his mom's poor tastes, and he might even think you are mad at him for what went down. You could try and saying hello to him, and try and get a conversation going. Just put your hand on his shoulder the next time you walk by, and say "Hey, can we talk sometime?" I'm sorry this happened, and I hope you find the answers you're looking for.

Answer 9

He probably still has feelings for you and is ashamed of himself. He wants to talk to you but he doesn't know how to. He knows that the fact that he listened to his mother was a wrong move.
I would let it go at this point. There really isn't much point in trying to build a relationship with a person whose family is racist. Even if the two of you did work it out and you got married and had children sometime in the future, what would their lives be like? Grandma would "dislike" them because of their heritage?
Racist's are like bad diseases. They need to be eradicated from our planet.

Answer 10

Hello.
That's really sad! He probably still has feelings for you, but can't show them because of his mother. Maybe you could try to email him or even try to converse with his mother about it to "sweeten her up" about "racism." He still loves you and you still love him, and the only thing coming between you is his mom, so in this case you can obviously tell that the mom is the issue. I really think the reason he isn't talking to you is because his mom won't let him.

Hope that helps!

Answer 11

Even if he loves you his mom obviously controls his life. Why put yourself thru that? She will always be in the middle if you try to be together and he would have to choose. He did that already and it hurt you both. Do you want to live thru that again?
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through but you can't change stupid, close minded people. The only thing you can do is try to avoid them.
Good luck.