Is 2 1/2 too old to sleep in parents bed?

Question

I've been dating a girl for about a year, and she has a 2 1/2 year old son with 50% custody. She really enjoys having him sleep in the bed with us (between us) even though he has a bed of his own in the room on nights she has him. Is he too old to be sleeping in the same bed as us? I feel like it will make him too dependent on her/us, and it makes me feel a little uncomfortable as well. It also causes some intimacy problems in our relationship. Anyone have any advice?

Answer 1

He is way to old. Sounds like she has intimacy issues or likes to feel like you are all a family. But a family it does not make when "Mom and Dad" so to speak don't have alone time.

Maybe she has this idea that by having him there will help bond you to them and you will want to marry her. But maybe she is too attached to her child in a way so will be unable to have a full relationship w. you. There are way too many things to list here.

What she is doing is wrong. She should be keeping a little seperation as what happens if you two should break up? If he gets so bonded the kid would feel terrible. Plus it is inappropriate to have a little guy in the same bed with a grown man.

Secondly if she has some sort of child support or custody issues if the little guy says "I sleep w. my mom's boyfriend" she will be done.

Really....... you have to just tell her that is enough as you feel that this is inappropriate and uncomfortable. If she cares for you this will become a nonissue quickly. If not you will know what you need to know in order to make another decision. If this causes problems when she talked to a freind or family about it they would say the same as me.......... of course you have problems w. it.

Answer 2

There is no age to start or stop sleeping in a parent's bed. Children will continue to sleep in your bed as long as you allow it. It is comforting and cute, but for more than one night it causes sleeping disruption as well as relationship interference.

With my first child, she slept in my bed quite frequently and then would cry and whine if I tried to put her back in her own bed. I had to really draw the line and tell her she HAD to sleep in her own bed or it would still be happening today.

Answer 3

You really should discuss this with her. Explain that you feel it causes intimacy problems and you guys can problem solve from there, maybe get a little creative.... Understand her side though, I am sure it very hard to share custody. I would want my little one close as well when I had them. Sit down and talk and be very open to each others side. You don't want this to be a point of contention. Sharing a family bed only works if the whole family agrees with it. Good luck.

Answer 4

That is too old to have her son sleeping in the bed. If you keep letting him sleep in the bed every night he will start to feel safe there during the night and will not want to leave.

Answer 5

No.
In ancient times the children were never separated from the parents come the night and time to sleep. These were the days when we lived in small communes or caves of natural protection, but the child was never taken from the parents and put in a separate place. It would have been considered absolutely stupid to do that to your offspring. To separate them from their own no matter how short the time. It would have been a psychological shock to all three if this was imposed upon them.
These days the social mores take the child away as soon as possible and it is totally against the deep psyche of the human minds need for survival. It is ingrained into the mind and body but yet we still separate our young from it's protective source for the sake of societies standards of the norm.
2 1/2 is not too old for sleeping with the protection of the parents, or adults.
We adults can nurture independance into the child by the time they are five years old. But this has to be done in stages without taking away the sense of security they need.

Answer 6

yes this is unacceptabe, and no they dont grow out of it. this will make it even harder when he is 5 and wants to sleep in your bed. she needs to ba an adult and a mother and do whats right for him in the long run. he should sleep in his bed at night, you should do what we did with my daughter. we put her in her room and i tucked her into bed and told her to stay in bed i will be back to check on her in a couple of min. so i would come back and peek my head in every 3-5 min and by the 3rd time she would be asleep then i would put her baby gate up so i can still see her but she couldnt get out to sneak in my bed, and when she woke up in the middle of the night i would do the same thing and check on her as long as she was in her bed. i hope this helps and i hope you guys can work this out.

Answer 7

I think that he is too old to be sleeping with the two of you. My sister had the same problem and now her son is 11 and he still sleeps in the bed with her. My advice to you is if you are seriously considering being with this woman let her know how this is affecting your relationship. If this is not something that you are looking for to be long term then just take it or move on. The choice is your choice to make, you have no ties to this woman!

Answer 8

I dated a girl who had a (at the time) a 9 or 10 year old. She would still take baths with him, and when I was not there, share the bed with him etc. I told her this was wrong... but of course, the guy is always the one in the wrong.

Answer 9

Yes and no . if she doesn't get to spend alot of time with him she probably has some attachment problems . As a mother it is extremely hard not to have your child all the time especially if the other person that is the father cannot be trusted or is a real jerk . Give her time . I am sure by the time he is 3 this will go away .

Answer 10

i slept in the same bed with my mom for a very long time especially in the winter time because it was cold and i did not become dependent of my mom. if it does cause intimacy problems, talk to yur girlfriend. communication is the best way to solve things.