So, my mother-in-law lives on an island 4 hours away from our city. She has a flat in our city too, which actually belongs to my husband, but of course he or I would never ask to get it, it's hers as long as she lives. She comes to the flat 2-3 times a year, for a month each time. Now she just left, and she will be back in 4-5 months. I had promised a friend to cat-sit for her 2 cats for the holidays, and we thought it would be best to keep them in my mother-in-law's flat, because they would fight with our cats. My mother in law found out. I would understand to get mad and complain that we didn't tell her, but what she did instead was call mu husband crying, almost unable to speak, and say that "we can have the house", "she can rent a one-room bouse for when she comes over", that "she couldn't sleep for 2 nights ever since she found out", that she got sick, etc.
2007-12-29 03:03:08 · 9 answers · asked by cpinatsi 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Meanwhile, her brother is very sick with cancer, but apparently that didn't make her so emotional, as the fact that 2 cats stayed for 1 week in the spare room of a flat that she won't be in for the next 4 months!
I know she was so hysterical to make my husband sad, and show him that my behaviour(because it was my friend's cats) created a problem to her. It's not that she has such a big problem with pets, she is not allergic or anything, hypochondriac yes, but she accepts our cats fine in the summer in her island house, because she knows that her son will go somewhere else otherwise instead of visiting her, because we have to take our cats with us during the holidays.
What would you do if you were me? She pretends she has a problem with the4 presence of cats and cat hair. So, I think that naturally she can't be comfortable in our house and I feel rejected from her house, so do you think I am right to refuse to go there again and refuse that she comes to us?
2007-12-29 03:09:43 · update #1
I need to explain: we didn't ask to have the house or anything! She made it look like we did, to show that she is a poor old lady that her daughter in law usurped her house and kicked her out or sth. all we did was put 2 cats in the flat without her knowing for 1 week. If a neighbour hadn't snitched, she would have never known!
2007-12-29 03:13:19 · update #2
To those who urge me to divorce or to avoid having kids with the guy, I must say that I am a very strong person myself, and I will not let my MIL ruin my relationship. I am quite capable of putting her out of my life by keeping my husband, if he accepts that! If he can't live with that, it is he that will have to choose, not me!
2007-12-29 07:21:42 · update #3
She is trying to catch the attention of her son, always searching for any possible reason. This time, was the cats. Some other time might be Alogoskoufis or something.... There is no logic into this. It is the Oedipus complex that is torturing her and her son and you. As she grows old, she gets attached to Things. Her belongings become a reason to live. If you touch her belongings it is like rape to her. So, she grabbed the opportunity to sound miserable and make all of you feeling guilty. These maneuvering is very common with old people. My mother in law , unable to walk outside her home, all day with the nurse and in her nightgowns, did not gave just one of her many precious rings to my daughter who got engaged. When her son asked her to , she said that "I am not dead yet!! When I die, your daughter can have it all. As long as I live, these, my money, my house, my furs are mine. If you want them, wish me dead!" So much drama for one ring to her grand daughter!!! And you tell me about an apartment and two cats..... I only wish we don't grow to be like them.....
2007-12-29 03:27:28 · answer #1 · answered by Alice in Wonderbra 7 · 8⤊ 4⤋
I'm sorry if I'm wrong about what I'm about to say here. From my observation of mother-in-laws, especially the one on the grooms side, they seem to despise their daughter-in-law for some strange reason. These are the reasons I hear others say about the above:
Possible reason #1: Maybe it's because the daughter-in-law is young and beautiful and the mother-in-law isn't, and the latter is jealous.
#2 Another viable reason would be the mother-in-law feels that the son is the head of his house, and she has the right to do whatever she wants just because she is his mother.
#3 MIL is overprotective of her son.
#4 This reason seems to be a favorite belief. If the DIL is a stay-at-home mom and her husband is bringing in the dough, the MIL sort of feels "entitled" to everything: Everything she says and does is right. The DIL doesn't have the right to object the MIL's opinions and actions.
I think your MIL is trying to get your husband's attention at your expense, which of course is a terribly selfish act. My sister's MIL does that too. If I were you, I'd just ignore her rants and pretence wailing, unless she falsely accuses you of something you hadn't done.
2007-12-29 03:16:53 · answer #2 · answered by feels_hopeless 1 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Till you married your husband your mother in law was the woman in his life and now she has to share that relationship with you. She wants more attention for your husband and her son and that’s why she is reacting that way. Always remember that you have got the better of her in a relationship though she might seems obnoxious she is human and craving for attention. You and your husband must understand that and not fight over it-she is making the cats an issue for attention-give it to her for peace sake and respect from your husband.
2007-12-29 03:13:48 · answer #3 · answered by peter c 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Well....I know it's ridiculous reacting that way,but maybe it would have been better/nice to ask her before putting the cats in there.My question really is:How did she find out?Who told her?
Ignore the mother in law but talk to your husband.Tell him that him not taking a side and staying neutral is hurting you.As i read your question I get that the decison to put the cats there wasn't one you made on your own so your husband should stand up for you and explain to his mother you both felt it wouldn't be a problem and you both took that decision and not just you.You should also talk to her,tell her you are sorry and that you should have asked her and promise you will clean the appartment as soon as the cats are gone.Also promise you will never do it again before asking for her permission and explain to her you really meant no harm,you thought that the appartment was empty so she wouldn't mind.
I know it's hard but reacting the way you say(deny her access to your house and refuse going to hers) will only cause more problems.I know it's hard but you have to find a way to co-exist with her.You are both very important to your husband and it's not fair to him to make him choose which one he loves more and wants in his life more.He shouldn't have to choose.Mother in laws are a pain but remember mothers usually are too(it's a mother's thing I guess to always want to interfere in their children's lives and always think they know better) and it only gets worse as they get older...be patient,remember you don't have to love her,hey you don't even have to like her but you have to put up with her for your husbands sake.Calm down and don't let her ruin the rest of your holidays,okay?She will probably be over it in a few days :)
2007-12-29 10:58:17 · answer #4 · answered by zusje17 4 · 5⤊ 3⤋
Well, well, well....As you know, I am sure, you did nothing wrong. This all sounds like a maneuver to get attention. She did not have to stay with the cats, right? So what is she complaining about? But the problem is this...there is nothing u can do about it, unless you want na ginete apo dyo xoria. Next time this situation arises u will just have to manage to keep your friend's cats at your own place. I do not suggest fighting with your mother-in-law, nor do I suggest fighting with your husband. Unfortunately u have to live with unreasonable situation.
2007-12-29 09:41:04 · answer #5 · answered by dvatwork 7 · 6⤊ 2⤋
You have more problems here than your mother-in-law. You are married to her son and he is weak. He needs to tell his mother that she is welcome to visit for 2 weeks. That's it. She sounds very controlling and wants her baby boy back. Talk to your husband. If things don't change, your marriage will break. Also, don't have any kids with him otherwise you will need to see her the rest of your life.
2007-12-29 03:08:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋
No good answer for you other than: Do you ever notice how no one ever tells any father-in-law jokes? Stories like this are the reason I think.
2007-12-29 03:13:25 · answer #7 · answered by jim v 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
From what I've heard your Mother-in-law is upset about her son cheating on his wife.
2007-12-29 03:07:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
all the mother in laws i know are just normal people. you either got a bad one, or your crazy.
2007-12-29 05:09:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 4⤋