I finally told my husband to be's sister that she is not getting to be a bridesmaid. The only problem now is that my future in-laws are not talking to me. What can I do to make it up with them. please help i'm so confused.
2007-12-29 02:50:56 · 40 answers · asked by Jayzee87 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
ok I appreciate everyones comments but it is so hard this girl is so spoilt. All my bridesmaids hate her but put up with her for my sake. I don't really get on with her but I speak to her to be nice. My husband to be is always getting really nasty txts from her. She is fine about not being a bridesmaid coz she new I wasn't gonna give in about the hairstyles.
My cheif bridesmaid kim says i've done the right thing and i'm still not sure. you have to meet this girl before you'd agree with me but let's just say I haven't met anyone like her in my life!
2007-12-29 03:09:54 · update #1
Well, was getting rid of her...your future SISTER-in-law worth the stress that you have initiated on your marriage before it even began? Maybe you need to think beyond the wedding and think about the entire rest of your life with this family that you just selfishly pissed off.
2007-12-29 02:55:08 · answer #1 · answered by just browsin 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well what's done is done. Ya, there were ways you could've prevented the problem all together but no thoughts on that will help now. Some things in life we have to take with a grain of salt. Don't let what's going on bother you. Ignore it all together. I'd try not to talk about the situation, go on seeing and talking to and loving your in-laws and go with the flow. If you keep the rest of your in-laws busy in the wedding planning they might forget all together and realize how childish the sister-in-law is being. They just want to be involved, feel needed, loved, and special. If you find the opportunity, give the oh, so lovely sister-in-law another assignment, she could do the book or help with the food..... If all else fails, but not until it does, let her back. It's your day.... but you also don't want to ruin it either.
2007-12-29 03:31:53 · answer #2 · answered by papafrita_picante 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What was the reason for not wanting his sister as bridesmaid? If it was something serious,then explain this to his family.
Did he want her to be a bridesmaid but accepted that you didn't want her as one?
If it wasn't something serious,then maybe you should let her be one,if only for your future husbands sake,it is his sister after all,you don't have to like her,so if she hasn't done anything hurtful to you personally,why not just grin and bare her for one day.
The best thing you could do is have a long heart to heart chat with his sister to try and resolve any issues you have with her,if she doesn't play ball,then at least you can say you tried and his family will have to accept that.
You have a long road ahead of you once you're married,especially with the inlaws,so if this sister has done nothing serious,maybe trying to sort out the whole matter will be best all round,especially for the future.
This big day is not only about you but your husband to be too,making an enemy of his family is a recipe for disaster,especially if the problem with his sister is a trivial one. And if it is trivial,your husband may just resent you for this somewhere down the line in the future.
Whatever happens,I hope you all end up happy in the end.
2007-12-29 03:02:22 · answer #3 · answered by tinyfeet64 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You have to be very careful. You are getting off on the wrong foot with your future in laws. She should first of all be happy that you asked her to be in your wedding. It is a compliment for the grooms sister to be in the wedding. You technically pick YOUR bridesmaids based on who you love/trust the most. They are there to back you up on your big day.
As for this hairstyles thing??? She wants you to pick what she likes? Uhm no way. YOU are the bride. It is YOUR day. You do as you please, and if that means going all Bridezilla on everyone, then you have to.
I cut one of my bridesmaids out because she is not trustworthy, and is like a fly by night salesman. When we would all get together, she was nowhere to be found, couldn't get ahold of her or anything. She was upset, but you have to do what you have to do.
Hope it works out, and maybe you so reconsider putting her in, just to stay off of the sour side.
Good Luck!! Happy Wedding!!
2007-12-29 03:48:55 · answer #4 · answered by Niki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give them and her another job/part in the wedding say you thought of a better part for them. Give your husband to be's sister the part of escorting the men into the church. Give her the job of being in charge of the unity candle? Give her the job of announcing you guys at the reception. Tell her if she wants to sing, dance, play or a song or any other special talents that she has that she can perform that at the wedding reception? (just to give her something special to do and she will be the center of attention at the time and she will be doing more with that than she would have than being a bridesmaid) Good Luck!
2007-12-29 02:58:10 · answer #5 · answered by Starsky 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I disagree with the people who are saying "it's your day". Yes the occasion might be about you and your husband but what happens when that day is over. You have opened up a can of worms right here. Event though she maybe wrong, you just have to try to patch things up. Call her and apologise or explain and ask for forgiveness. Remember you are marryinng into their family. Should anything go wrong such as sickness or financial issues, the family might ignore you from here on. As someone said just let her be a bride's maid and then ignore her but not to the point where she feels that she is non-existant. she might/might not accept the position.
2007-12-29 03:05:13 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Mandeville 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
NOT a good idea not to have her as a bridesmaid. No wonder they aren't talking to you. I would say, make her a bridesmaid. This is a terrible way to start off a marriage, and is only one of many compromises you have to make for the sake of love and family. Get used to it.
2007-12-29 02:59:15 · answer #7 · answered by Twice as Nice 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why in the world would you do that? A wedding is supposed to be many things. It is never perfect, never meant to be perfect either. So you got rid of someone who was annoying to you, but now you made your situation worse.
Best thing you can do is suck it up and apologize, then ask her to be your bridesmaid again. If you want peace with your husband and his family, YOU need to be the peacemaker. Good luck.
2007-12-29 03:01:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
to be honest its your special day and people seem to forget this . all the planning and stress that goes into this day why should you put up with any more.you must have your reasons for not wanting her to be your bridesmaid so just stand back and look at it from the outside and then decide what you want to do and stick by your decission . i tried to help my daughter the best way and just advised her on things but the final choice was down to her ask your parents advice especially your mum . thing is now you told her she might throw it back in your face if you changed your mind and asked her .sorry things seem upsetting but i hope everything works out for you and you and your new husband to be have a really special day
2007-12-29 03:08:04 · answer #9 · answered by bojomarriott 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's your wedding, do what you want. Try and make it up with the inlaws though, because arguing with them won't get you anywhere.
If she begs and you make her your bridesmaid again, just explain that this is your special day and say to her imagine what it would be like if it was her wedding, because she would want everything to run smoothly and want everyone to cooperate. Good luck with it x
2008-01-01 01:18:14 · answer #10 · answered by charlieceepink 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never heard of a wedding where the bride has actually got on with her bridesmaids right through the planning stage!! It's YOUR wedding. Don't let her spoil YOUR day.
2007-12-29 04:52:55 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋