My boyfriend doesn't get home from work until 9:30 or 10:30 then he comes home and takes a shower. By the time he's ready to settle down I'm so tired. He gets irritated with me because I want to go to bed and sleep. I get very frustrated when I'm tired so I think I'm snippy at him. Last night at about 11:00 I just wanted to go to sleep. He stayed on the couch and ended up sleeping there. Then when I get up this morning he's all pissed off because I went to bed without him. Then he went out to clear snow and when he came in he was upset that I didn't have breakfast made for him. I can't seem to make him happy. I don't know what to do. He's a wonderful man. I love him to death I just don't know how to get in his head to know what he's thinking. He left for work this morning without giving me a hug/kiss and saying "I love you"......
2007-12-29 01:48:44 · 15 answers · asked by Boxkar Fan 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
My work schedule is different then his. I work normal 1st shift hours and he works afternoon/evenings. I go to work at 8:30A.M. and he doesn't go in until 2:00 p.m. Saturdays he works 12 hours. I'm off on weekends.
2007-12-29 02:29:40 · update #1
If this is a regular occurence then you need to discuss it with your boyfriend. It is the only way you will know what he's thinking. You need to work out a way to spend time together without causing either of you resentment about waking hours.
2007-12-29 02:08:37 · answer #1 · answered by Aggy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, if you don't work outside of the home and you know what his schedule is, then you are in a position to change your schedule around at times to accommodate his working schedule. You could take a nap or sleep in a little later so that you aren't so tired when he finally is able to settle down at night.
If you do have a job outside the home but have different days off, then the two of you should try to work out when you can be together. Doing that takes some of the romance out of being together when you are together this way, though, by removing some of the ability to be impulsive, but you take what you can get.
This is what you should already know, at least it seems you should. So I would imagine there is more to this than some scheduling conflicts. Seems you might want him to be getting upset with you, that you want some more or other attention from him than you have been getting from him, and maybe you are subconsciously trying to sabotage things just enough to get it, to get him to change somehow. Think about that.
2007-12-29 02:02:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I do think that he is a jerk for being that way . The one thing i don't understand is that everyone responded about your schedule . I didn't read anything about your work schedule . All i read was that he's out working til 9:30 or 10:30 . After a hard day at work he would like to spend time with his wife . And then the fact that he wakes up in the morning and goes out to shovel snow before work . Yes he can make his own , but why couldn't you fix breakfast ? Like i said he shouldn't be that way , but what were you doing while he was shoveling snow ? If you do work , what time do you get out ? He seems to work from morning to late night . If you do work alot , then i can understand , but you don't say what it is you do all day ? What if the tables were turned ? I'm sorry , but i can't put all the blame on him when i don't know what you do all day . I figure you would be upset because after a hard days work he wouldn't want to spend time with you . But you blame him for wanting to spend that time even after a hard days work .
2007-12-29 02:12:13 · answer #3 · answered by coach.ricky 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It seems that your bf has an issues with the different hours that you work. I had a small issues like this of my own with my husband. But we made it through, by talking about it. You need to sit him down and talk everything out. If you get up a lot earlier than him than explain that too. Also, if you are overly tired and don't think you should be you should talk with your doctor because there could be an underlying problem.
Not sure this helps but good luck.
2007-12-29 01:53:46 · answer #4 · answered by Just Want To B Me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your question caught me because there was a time in my life he was me. I was the same way. For me though my wife was tired 7 days a week and too me there was no logical reason for it(in my mind). I was awake for her, why not the other way around?. I got riddles for answers. It never seemed like she would meet me half way with anything that seemed to show she even cared. Men are very visual and physical with everything . It must be able to be touched or seen for them to understand. physcially show him why you are tired, make him understand, then ask hime for "his solution" on how he would handle if he was you and the shoe was on the other foot. Just ask what he expects, then point blank tell him what you expect and then talk about it and there will be a "guy" solution, or at least he will think it is his. Make "together" time for the two of you even if sometimes you or he are tired. extra effort from both of you will be required if the relationship will last forever. trust me, not talking or swallowing pride from either of you will be disasterous. Men like to hear tehmselves talk, cant you tell from my babbling here..good luck. any good realtionship is worth a little 1 on one pow wow.
2007-12-29 02:01:57 · answer #5 · answered by im2strange 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to remove time for each other & speak out with him & major one just remove 5 mins in every day & do some small thing special for him like
Write a small Note & keep on the table for him with love
Call him up in ur busy schedule
Arrange a lunch or diner for him
Put Candles in the house before he come & wait for him when he comes give him a nice hug & a kiss & ask him how was his day...
Small things do matter a lot he will for sure love it
Keep These Sticky Notes on the wall just for him wil all love messages before he gets up from sleep
Hope this helps if yes do let me know
2007-12-29 01:58:05 · answer #6 · answered by syehusin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So..what makes him so wonderful?
He is selfish.
He has no understanding that you are not a night owl and that you have to be up for work the next day and need sleep.
If he wants breakfast - he can fix it. He's got two hands.
Notice how it's all about him? His schedule, his wants, his needs. So, when do you get some consideration?
Stop trying to make him happy and focus on making your self happy. He's into a power play. When he sees that you are not going to play the game anymore and you are not going to cater to his juvenile behavior -he'll either get with the program or move on.
2007-12-29 01:55:23 · answer #7 · answered by Boots 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He is so wonderful??? He sounds like he is controlling, self-centered and abusive from here. Men that can't talk out problems and negotiate solutions do things like withdraw and withhold affection, which is abusive behavior. You and he need to sit down and talk out the problem, which is that you both want love and to feel important. Talk more and play less games. If he is acting stupid, call him on it and ask him what it is that he needs/wants. Tell him what you need/want. Come up with a solution. He sounds like an immature, spoiled brat. Tell him this sleeping on the couch and not speaking crap is not going to fly.
2007-12-29 01:58:31 · answer #8 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He's probably just stressed. Obviously he wants to see you in the evenings: Is there any way you can change your sleep habits to stay up later?
The breakfast thing was just him being a dick. That's inexcusable.
2007-12-29 01:53:03 · answer #9 · answered by skidmark_84 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
To the person that said "He sounds like he is controlling, self-centered and abusive from here": Come the **** on.
2007-12-29 04:30:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋