How do you accept that your ugly and just get on with life? That you'll never have an attractive girlfriend!

Question

Im a 28 yr old overweight man, ive never had a girlfriend even tho ive had alot of friends who are girls. I suffer from low self-esteem and honestly dont believe i eat all the time tho people who are slim wont believe me! Sometimes i do binge eat when im unhappy- quite alot! I was very ill last year and even tho my family was around me, i wished i had a love. Even tho i have many friends only 2 visited me. Everyone says i should be a comedian as i make them laugh. People tell me i have a great personality. When i was 20 i had my heart broken by a friend who was close to me, i loved her and she loved me to 'as a friend'! If i had a penny everytime i heard that. She didnt tell me straight away, she returned my feelings and we kissed and cuddled loads but she went off with someone else! I still imagine i can have a beautiful young girlfriend i love and am attracted to. If its not gonna happen i dont see the point! I thought sex was special! Shall i visit a prostitute? I very lonely now!

Answer 1

I am sorry for your pain. But I am going to say something bluntly and I hope you understand it's not to hurt you but to make your realize your self worth.

You say you are over weight. What have you done to try and fix it. Go talk to your doctor, if you can't lose weight by diet there are other procedures out there that can help you. Go over every option with your doctor.

Secondly, self esteem has to come from yourself first not from what others think about you. I have had low self esteem before for other reasons. I had to learn to love myself no matter what others thought. The first step is to learn to love yourself, faults and all. Your weight may be an obstacle in your mind but find other things that can outweigh that. You are funny and make people laugh, not many people can do that on an every day basis. Start there.

Lastly, do not let this bring you down. There is someone for everyone out there. And you will find someone. Just learn to love yourself first.

Answer 2

Sex is overated! The way that our society portrays it as the only real happines there is. NOT So! If you were to talk to couples who were together for a long time they would tell you that their relation ship was based on many other factors then sex. Sounds like you have more going for you then you think. Work on getting your self esteam back by looking at the whole picture in your life. People who are so called so beautifull end up loosing their hair, there teeth fall out and they get wrinkles. Physicall is only temporary. Half the population feels emotionally like you do. You need to redirect your personality and corecting some charateristics about your apperance. If you look good you feel good. You are only 28, don't give up. If you visit a lady of the nite you will only be more disappointed later. They don't care. Its a reality. I wish you the best. You will find someone someday!

Answer 3

First you must get on a health plan and admit you are binging way too much.. Your weight is clouding the issue. A brisk walk every day will eleviate much of your depression and give you an overall feeling of well being not to mention begin to put you in shape.
That someone left you at twenty does not make you unworthy.
It happens to most people at one time or another and mostly has nothing to do with your inadequacies. Stop focusing on what you lack and enjoy life as it comes. You are more like other people than you think. Continue to be a friend and try not to measure other's friendship by whether they come or show.

Answer 4

The first thing you need to do is get off the pity train. Go out and get some activities to do, like walking or biking or bowling. Become active in some groups, such as church, or whatever kind of groups that you may have an interest in. Just getting out and doing some excersize will help you feel better about yourself, and help to shed some pounds as well. not every peron is meant to be thin, but you can make sure you are healthy. Also carry yourself tall and with pride, that will improve you self esteem as well, and will conveys to those around you. Of cousre this will not all happen overnight, but you need to start some where, so take the first step.

Answer 5

A prostitute will not help. She will only give temporary fake love and possibly a std or two. Believe in yourself. Never give up on you. You have to love yourself first. I understand how you do not eat a lot, but it is truly the binge eating that is making you overweight. You have the wrong relationship with food and see it as comfort rather than nutrition. I do the same. We have to break our old habits. Eat for living rather than comfort. There is someone for everyone out there and you have to put yourself out there for someone to find you. I know that friends can unintentionally hurt you when the relationship is one sided. It hurts like hell. Because they are nice to you...you see it as they like you. Ah...been there done that. Be yourself, try and lose some weight (for yourself only). Have a little patience. Go out and embrace the world and ignore the ignorant. Have faith and be positive. Use that sense of humor. Laugh and love. Good luck, and please do not be sad. You are not alone.

Answer 6

I'd still suggest for you to still use your hand for now. It may take a few more years, but I'm sure you'll find someone who can return your love.

Well, even some handsome men have below average looking wives, you know. And that sucks that only two of your friends visited you... tells a lot about them.

But if you're over weight, try walking around from now on everyday. It'll help you lose more weight then you think. Binge eating? I do that too.. practically everyday. Then I throw it up D:

But if you know you're not going to regret it, then go ahead for the prostitute. She'll make you happy for an hour.

Answer 7

You seem to have been having this problem for quite some years. Think, when the problem started, if you had acted on it then you would be in a good position.

If you dont act now you will look back in 2 years and think, "God, if i would have done something at 28, my life could be so much better".

It dont cost that much for a gym membership, think, thats why gyms are there. To loose weight. Think, by the time your 30 you could be at a weight you like and your appearence will also improve as your happy.

But dont listen to stupid docters! All that BMI crap is bullshit!

You get to a weight you like!

I hope this helps!

Answer 8

OK, dude. get a grip. yes, on your your youknowwhat. Get some relief then approach this thing logically. Fat guys get laid. Ugly guys find love. How? Confidence. Not artificial, self inflation of the ego confidence but genuine self knowledge of your ability to deal with something well. Now jettison your need for others approval, Your mind should play the following song: I like who I am, if they dont its not my problem. Now realize your humor is a shield that protects you from scorn and gives a temporary feeling of acceptance. Its cool to be funny, but dont shovel it out. Finally, stop hiding behind past losses. Live in the now. And now for the last nail, move to China. The girls here love any foriegner who speaks English and your personality gets more miles for the gallon here.

seriously, relax.

Answer 9

I'm sorry you are lonely ... but let me tell you a true story about a man ... he was 39 when we first met. Like you, he had his heart broken early. He wasn't a virgin, but he'd had sex only twice at the age of 18. He was short, fat, and balding. He had TONS of female friends, but never had a real girlfriend in his life. I became his best friend ...
This man was the sweetest, gentlest, most WONDERFUL man in the world. He frequently gave me small, inexpensive items to 'cheer me up' ... and it was to him I ran the night I needed a shoulder to cry on during a family crisis. To any woman, that means I wanted to talk. To him, it was taken literally, and I was in his arms with my head on his shoulder. NOTHING HAD EVER FELT SO GOOD. I RAN FROM HIS PLACE, but I truly valued our friendship, so I requested a long, private, heart to heart talk two days later. As the result of that talk we made an agreeement to 'explore a romantic relationship slowly.' I understood the word 'slowly' but he didn't even hear it, and two weeks later he appeared for a 'shopping date' at 8:30 a.m. instead of 10 (and I'd usually have to wake him at 10) with a small pot of flowers (a plant). We had a wonderful day, and he bought me a book I wanted but couldn't afford right away on the way home, so I went to kiss his cheek just as he turned to say something to me. I caught his lips ... and we BOTH remember the lights on the trees as being 'red' (they are always WHITE in our city). We had eaten our supper and were just starting to 'make out a bit' when someone came to get me because I had to do security for our building that night (ALL NIGHT LONG). I asked for a hug and got the MOST PASSIONATE KISS ... we nearly set off the building's sprinkler system.
We are now planning our 11th wedding anniversary. That night was the LAST NIGHT we slept apart and we got married on Valentine's Day the next year. He'd made a vow when he was 18 that he would NOT HAVE SEX until it was with the 'one and only one woman' for the REST OF HIS LIFE. We are EXTREMELY HAPPY. Yes, I've been married before (and have grown kids and grandkids ... the first 'grand' was born six days after we got married) but THIS is 'the only marriage that counts' ... and we will be 'together forever and beyond.'
So ... don't go looking for a prostitute. Continue to be the funny man you are. Be open, be friendly, and be a good friend. You WILL find your 'one and only' because I'm going to tell you the 'trick' my husband says is ESSENTIAL to finding her. Tell EVERYONE that you are NOT LOOKING for a woman for three years, or until you lose weight, or until you get your 'act' together and take it to a comedy club. For some reason, that 'giving yourself space' is ESSENTIAL to finding your true love ... and that is how you'll know she's 'true' ... because whatever it is that you are 'doing' that is taking all your time will disappear and the most important thing will be just being with her. Oh, and by the way ... when my husband took me around to meet his friends, there were LOTS of 'female friends' who looked like they wanted to KILL ME ... they'd been 'trying' to get his attention, and had all failed, but I had gotten him and his love by being 'real' ... so hang in there, and you WILL find your 'one true love' ... and maybe it's taking so long because neither of you are 'ready' yet ... God will know, and God will bring you together, whether you believe in God or not.

Answer 10

First of all if McJagger, Slash, Adrian Brody can all get some of the most beautiful women then you surely can. You NEED to realize that girls will take an ugly guy as long as he waves the wand like a pro and keeps his chin up and works hard. TAKE A CHILL PILL. You will find love, just start to really believe it.-Rachel.