The other day I went to church and my pastor said I should wait at least six months before I marry my fiance?Has the duration of courtship have anything to do with the marriage and how it will work out?
2007-12-28 21:13:52 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I know someone who met and married her husband in 10 days and it lasted but that scenario is rare, imo. (And it was a long time ago during the war so there were reasons for it) I think your pastor is right though. What is the problem with waiting a few months when you are planning to spend the rest of your lives together. There is no need to rush.
2007-12-28 21:17:18 · answer #1 · answered by Ginny Jin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd go further than that and say that a couple should date for a year before they consider getting engaged and that marriage should then be within a year following that.
The reasons for this is that by the end of a year, you have a pretty good idea of the person you are dating. You've gone through the "honeymoon" period of the first three months, and hopefully seen their behaviour in all sorts of situations and had time to assess them, and vice versa.
The saying "Marry in haste, repent at leisure" is very apt. You get to know a person over time. It's easy to fool someone in the short-term. By the time a year is up, both people are much more transparent to each other.
2007-12-28 21:28:46 · answer #2 · answered by Sun is Shining ❂ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Time has nothing to do with the success of the individual relationships, but it is always good to really know a person before making such a major commitment to them...
However i read that people who marry after dating for at least 6 months and up to a year and a half are statistically more likely to stay together. So don't rush, but don't wait too long either.
2007-12-30 02:42:52 · answer #3 · answered by Stiffler 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your pastor is probably giving you good advice, remember he has officiated and hundreds of weddings and probably has a sixth sense as to which ones will work and which won't. Plus he also hears confessions and, from that, he has acquired a lot of wisdom and counselling skills.
Six months give s you time to get to know each other, get over the initial rush of hormones and lust and infatuation and really get to know each other as a person. In terms of timing, well if you are planning to spend the rest of your life - probably 50 or so years - with each other, then a 'trial period' of getting to know each other really well isn't such a bad idea.
Yes, there may be people who marry in a week and their marriages survive but I would look back over your life ... how many of the many people you have met in your life are classed as your 'best friends'. Probably very few, and there maya be people you have met who you always thought you'd be friends with, but they haven't survived the test of time.
Now you are planning to marry .... so ensure that this person does last the course! I think your pastor is right. Getting to know someone really well, say for six months or a year, is a small investment in time to pay for a lifetime of happiness.
2007-12-28 22:34:06 · answer #4 · answered by gorgeousfluffpot 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe in the eyes of a catholic priest but not in the eyes of the law. If you want the church wedding you will have to go along with what he says if not you can get married in loads of places. I got married in a hotel. So did my friend who had been with her boyfriend for 3 months.
No law against it but this is another reason why I turned away from the church. Who has the right to tell you 'No, you cant get married'?
2007-12-30 07:54:40 · answer #5 · answered by Gina F 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We've been together for 8 months, but were engaged after 3. By the time we actually get married, it will have been a year and a half - yes, I think when it's right, you *can* sometimes just know right away. 6 months really isn't long, but if you have reasons why you can't wait, you can always find another officiant.
2007-12-29 03:30:17 · answer #6 · answered by Mich 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no set time, apart from the legal ones between of applying for a marriage license & being able to use it. Here in Oz it's 1 month + 1 day from application, if granted. The parties must apply jointly. there is now compulsory counseling for failing short marriages b4 divorce can procede. marriage is forever, not like Britney's. go into marriage with both eyes wide open, then half shut them forever.
2007-12-28 21:29:01 · answer #7 · answered by friedach 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An engagement should be minimum of six months, ideally a year. And that's after seriously dating for a year and a half to two years. You need to put the time in to really know one another well.
It has EVERYTHING to do with a good marriage following!
2007-12-28 23:51:24 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It makes sense. At six months you may well still be in the romantic fairytale stage of your relationship; you think your partner is amazing, can do no wrong, etc. Once that fizzles out, that's when you know whether or not you're meant to be together and whether or not it will work. You're going to need more than six months to feel absolutely content deep in your heart and soul that this person is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.
2007-12-28 21:21:11 · answer #9 · answered by CranberryD5 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I met and married my husband in 3 months. We were never asked how long we had been together. We have been married 3 years now and are very happy. I was married before and knew my ex 4 years before we married and the marriage didn't work.
2007-12-28 21:19:15 · answer #10 · answered by Dory 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋