How do I deal with my mother problem?

Question

I got back from my first semester at college earlier this month and my mother had noticed that I put on some weight- about ten pounds. It really doesn't bother me, since I still fit in all of my clothes and don't think of 120 as overweight at all. Still, it really seems to bother her. She's always noting that I look like I've gained weight and whenever I eat she points out what's not healthy about it. It's not like she's calling me fat- but it's really bothering me.
Once she realized that telling me that I've gained weight hasn't caused me to change my eating habbits, she's gone as far as to get rid of all the snack food in the house and only allow me one meal a day.
How can I tell her that she's acting crazy without making her upset? Do you think she's out of line as well, or is it just me? I know that I only have to deal with her a few more weeks, but it's really bothering me.

I understand that she doesn't want me to be fat, but I'm 5'5"- so I'm at an average weight right now.
And she knew before I went away that it's normal for new college students to gain weight- it's known as the freshman fifteen.
I know she means well, I just don't know how to get her to tone it down a little.

Answer 1

Yes, she is out of line..my mom always nagged me and I ignored her and put on weight..she never accepted me and frankly, that is a serious deficit of character on her part. Many overweight people are healthy and even healthier in some cases than thin peers. what is important is what is on the inside and you need to gently remind her of this.

I feel maybe she is worried her little girl is growing up and trying to assert parental control to assure herself, you are still under her control/thumb to reassure herself she is not losing you by if she can be in charge, things seem not so overwhelming to the fact, you are well out the door to your own life. this can be very frightening for parent's and hard to deal with..I think this is her way but it is going to damage the relationship not better it.

Tell her since you do not get to see her as often, it bothers you that this is a wedge between you and that she is focused on that instead of how you are adjusting to college, your studies and new friends and things you are learning that you wish to share with her and that this is closing the lines of communication.

Tell her you do not feel you are overweight at all and see the damage to one's body image resulting from over-control of one's weight and excessive worry as damaging to the psyche and responsible in large part for eating disorders. Get her to see that your attitude is well adjusted (in contrast to hers but don't say that)

When she tells you a nutritional thing you did not know, thank her and tell her you will take what she said into account and you appreciate her sdharing her knowledge of nutrition with you. Also share with her things you have learned . Also tell her one meal a day is not healthy for one's blood sugar and resulting moods and for one's metabolism. Insist you eat the correct number of meals.

Tell her this solicitousness is causing your rare opportunity to visit with her to be unpleasant and drawing you further from her when you want to be closer as you miss her. Ask her to stop with what she is doing even if it is hard for her. tell her you weill think about what she said if she will think about what you said. Ask her why it bothers her so and be assertive but kind if you feel you disagree and tell her why.

Assure her you love her as much as ever and still need her but be specific on how she can improve your communication and visit and ask what you can do to help her with how she feels and still remain true to yourself.

It is very important not to buy into society's obsession with weight especially when you are not overweight. Be true to yourself and your beliefs on this issue as your mom is wrong IMO. Things like this alienate moms and daughters.

It is better for mom to praise you on the things she likes, set a good example, and restrict her nagging if she wants to maintain a good relationship with you as generally children look forward and parents backyards making her relationship with you more important to her than likely your relationship with her..this is just the nature of things. Be gentle with her knowing she is likely feeling she is losing her influence with her little girl and the controlling is making things worst not better. Maybe your can talk to one of her friends or relatives and have them remind her of these things as it may be better coming from them than you.


If she has not done her part in teaching good standards of nutrition by now, it is too late. remind her the good things will stand and even if one strays, if the foundation is good, we will return to it. Also that sometimes kids and parents being individuals will differ on their opinions and views and this is normal.

If she continues, keep doing what you want or this will continue for many years and damage your relationship to some degree at least..sometimes it is better to yield than strain the relationship..only you can determine what you can and cannot live with and what you feel lead to say or not say. follow your heart..love your mom but ultimately to thine own self be true...if she was right it would be one thing but I feel as a person who is told I have a lot of insight that your mom is not right in this.

Hopefully, this validation will give you courage to say things if they need to be said. Also show a real interest in her life and problems to get the focus off you and to enhance your relationship. Good luck! It must suck to be constantly told you gained weight and all. That is a feeling hurter. But do be careful to eat healthy when in school..I went to school in my mid 30's and totally ate horrible as so stressed or time..but good nutrition will help you in the stresses of college and prevent weight gain..Also be sure to walk a lot for your health.Weight is not the only determiner of health though people act like it is.

Answer 2

it sounds like she is really afraid of you becoming overweight, and I guess she is afraid that every semester you will continue gaining 10 pounds. So maybe this is her way of trying to "help" you.
That said, although 120 is a very reasonable weight (unless you are under 5 feet tall.....) it probably isn't healthy to gain weight quite so rapidly. Maybe talk it over with your mom, and tell her that while you are comfortable with your size now, you would like to be able to stay healthy and fit and ask her to be involved with that.
Tell her that one meal a day is NOT healthy because it messes with your metabolism, and tell her you are willing to try to eat more healthily if she helps you to do so. This way she stops freaking out about the fact that you gained weight and can start being involved in making you healthy.
thats really the bottom line of everything, so make sure that she sees that.

Answer 3

Tell her that you are happy with your weight, and if she's not happy with it, then it's HER problem and that she can keep it to herself. You want to enjoy your time with her, not be nitpicked about your weight, and just have a good time with her. Reassure you that you understand she is trying to keep you healthy, but you are an adult now and can do that yourself.

Answer 4

tell her this ''I've come home to be with u for only a few weeks, and to enjoy,but u r making my stay here miserable...I know u have a mother's heart but I am also a human, I must get to eat whatever I want to....so please mom accept me the way I look...it's okay I'll be fine till next year or so!!'' (tell her with ters in ur eyes! she'll be like ''oh my sweet sweet baby!!come to mama!!"

Answer 5

show her one of the pictures of those anorexic chicks that are dying and say, "is this what you're trying to do to me?

Answer 6

she just cares for you and she doesnt want you to be fat. mothers are always cosciouss abt their children. if you want your mom to stop worryin then just eat wat she tells you to eat. soon she will realize your right and leave you alone.