I need your opinion please. Close-minded people do ignore.?

Question

I've had a gf for almost 2 years now. I do not see myself being with a man again. I am now 22. My parents ask me all the time do I have a bf or who am I seeing. They know I am very school and career minded. I will be the 1st person in the family to graduate college. My question is if I do not get married by the time I'm in my 30's, have a bf, or have any kids will my parents think I'm a lesbian? I come from a very strict Christian family..my parents are super religious. It's impossible to tell them and I don't ever plan on it. My excuse if they ever ask me about a bf, husband, or having kids in the future would be bc I'm very ambitious and career minded and don't have time. Do you think that will work? What else can I tell them? I love my family and don't want to hurt them. I fear they will stop talking to me. My family is not like other families. I also want to be happy, but I will forever keep it a secret.

Oh btw my sister knows bc she asked me a couple of years ago...but I knew in my heart she was fine with it so I told her. She also advice me to not ever tell my parents and she helped keep it a secret. She tells me she still loves me though. My parents on the other hand is totally different.

Oh some additional info my parents are kind of racist, they freaked out when my sister had a baby before marriage and with a guy who is half black. I am Asian btw. I feel like there is not unconditional love. My parents care a lot about money. The feel like success comes directly from god. They are the Christians that don't wear make-up, skirts, or cut their hair. They are some hardcore Christians. It's eating me up inside bc I hold such a big secret.

What if I was very successful and had a lot of money do you think they would accept it then? They came from poverty and I will be the most successful person in my family in a couple of years. If I told them then do you think they will accept it?

Answer 1

I'm not going to judge you and your choice of lifestyle because thats not my place. But I want to ask you a question and leave it at that.

Although as kids we are always taught to mind our elders, parents, people with authority. As kids we seek the acceptance of our parents, it makes us feel good, wanted, and loved. But as we get older we learn that our lives need a direction and therefore we have to make the tough decisions that maybe our parents and those who love us probably won't understand.

My question to you is, now that you are 22 and becoming a solid citizen hopefully with a job, educations etc... Are you living your life for you or for your parents? In the end is your happiness more important than all others. And lastly if your parents truly love you unconditional parent love, will they still love you regardless despite of their possible displeasure of your choices?


Good luck with that

Answer 2

I can't really answer this question...all i choose to say is that in what have read, i feel sad. To carry such a large burden must be extremely difficult. I wish i could help you but i don't have insight, I hope you find someone who will truly make you happy and that excepts you for who you are. As for your parents it doesn't sound like you have a very close relationship and that is not always a bad thing. So if i were you i would concentrate on school look ahead to your career and if you meet the right person man/women thats great! As for your parents just do what ever makes you happy and don't mind what you do according to what the say or think, I'm sorry to say this but i can't respect them making their daughter feel miserable and having to lie just to earn their love. I feel like your a really good person and can make decisions on her own. By the way since i feel like i have given you personal information and it may be odd for you i feel like I should tell you that I am 15 years old and a sophmore in highschool I don't know if that makes you feel better or worse about the advice that i have just given you but i felt compelled to tell you. Also i have never given any information to anyone before but I feel this is the most depressing story I have heard on what i have read in the past.
My wishes go to you that you find peace wherever you may end up.
Always a friend.

Answer 3

Not getting married does not make you a lesbian in anyone's eyes. Haha. They shouldn't think that at all. You can use your career as an excuse, however if you never have a boyfriend again, you'll have to mention a guy here or there that you at least dated. Like, "I went out with a guy the other day but it didn't work out" etc.

However, you shouldn't be thinking of plans on hiding the fact that you like women from your parents. I understand they are strict Christians, but do you think it's right to keep lying to them forever? They should love you no matter what and you should respect them by being honest with them.

Answer 4

The situation you are in is very difficult and I can see that its not something that can be seen as black and white. The thing you need to ask yourself is can you truly be happy spending the rest of your life hiding the person that you are? Is this not going to end up causing you a lifetime of stress because of your parents closed-minded prejudices? I can't imagine your gf is happy being kept a secret and your relationship may suffer. I know someone who was in her situation and the relationship ended after many years because they were so fed up of having to hide behind closed doors. I really don't feel its fair that either of you should have to sneak around like criminals. Are your parents feeling more important than your own? They have lived their lives already they have no right to live yours too.

Answer 5

You are very worked up about your parents, asking :will my parents think I'm a lesbian" and "will they like me if I have money".

You know the answer - you have to stand up for yourself, and tell them the truth. I assume you live at home, therefore if the accept it, fine - stay. If not, move out. Only have future contact with them if they are pleasant to be around

It's NOT "impossible to tell them" - you chose this path because it's EASY (ignoring truth), and now you are SUFFERING for your dishonesty.

Exactly how strongly do you believe in this lifestyle? If your parents find out, will you "quit"? What do YOU want in life?.

Is your GF "out"? What will SHE do if you tell your Parents? She'll be "outted",too - if you tell?

Homosexuality is far more accepted in the Asian community than you are admitting.

The real issue here is that you are afraid of your parents, and seek approval from them, even though you do not admire the values on which they base their approval.

You have to grow up, and choose your own path in life.

Today.

Answer 6

You're 22 now, so by the time you are 30 you will have evolved into a more mature woman (not that you are not mature now), and you will have completely different ideas about how you want to live and what you think is appropriate to share... You might even grow to realize that it's not important to share your sexual orientation with everyone, because it's no one's business but your own.

As for your family, you are not required to tell them anything. Asking about boyfriends is probably normal nosiness for a parent, but really it's an invasion of your privacy. I suppose you could just shrug it off and say you're not interested... but really, you don't have to give excuses or reasons. it's not a requirement of living.

Instead of worrying about what to tell your parents, just live the way you see fit, treat others with respect and decency, and most of all take care of YOU -- can't stress that enough!

Answer 7

This is a hard question, it probably isn't one that you should be asking on here.
In my opinion, you should tell your family, to their face. And then just give them time. They gave birth to you and raised you, though they may not ever view you the same, they will still love you. I also come from a VERY strict Christian family, Jehovah's Witnesses, and I know how much their beliefs mean to them, but they also have love in their hearts or they aren't a real Christian anyway.

Answer 8

You are you ........no one can take that from you. I'am a parent of 4 children. and 2 grandchildren And god loving.
But if my child came to me and said they were gay i would love them as much as the day i brought them into the world.
you have chossen you life style and you have to live the life
Your Parents like all parents have dreams for you
they forget we have ideas of our own as we mature into adults.
tell me this if they found out would that change who you are?
No you are gay
your not on drugs your not robbing banks your not molesting children for god sakes you just prefer the same sex
If you won't be allowed to enter the kingdom of heaven because of it that is between you and god By the way he is a forgiving God
Now that brings me to your parents Oh yeah they would be pizzed cause they don't want thier church friends to see they have a gay child.
They will think the church will laugh at them
My neice is gay and her mom had a tough time swollowing it
my neice moved to another state not to flaunt her lifestyle infront of her parents
I'am not saying go do that.However if you feel the need to tell them tell them. If it ruins your relationship with them atleast you know you were honest and staight forward and if they can't except you ,you have to take that all in and Remember that this is your life .. you have to live it the way you see fit.
you can make your career plans and move forward and get the monkey off your back sord of speak or you can hide it.
Thats a decision you have to make
Being gay is hard somtimes when it comes to family.
I rather have a gay daughter in a good relationship then a straight daughter in a abusive relationship with a man and has kids that have to see this.
I love my kids and would except this fact and try to be a part of her life

Answer 9

I wouldn't say anything right now. Just go to school and get to your goal. It is your life and you do what you want. You don't have to tell them anything ever. If you want to keep your relationship with your parents and they ask you later why you aren't married, say you are concentrating on your career and you haven't found the right man for you. I am always being criticized by my family. My sisters won't even talk to me only because I am the youngest and I won't do what they say anymore. I am an adult with grown children too. I don't have any contact with them anymore only because I am happier that way. Just live your life and you don't have to report to them anymore, you are an adult. Good luck.

Answer 10

i really am at a loss for words. thats a horrible secret to keep from a group of people that love you so much. but i dont know what would be worse. maybe after you were settled down and successful they will understand. but anything would be better than keeping such a big secret forever.