The last time I heard from my father I was around 13 years old. I am now 49 years old. I am the oldest of 4 girls. I am married and live almost 150 miles from where I grew up. My father abused my mother badly. He kicked her in the stomach when she was 9 months pregnant with my youngest sister. He tried to hang me from the rafters in our basement at age 9. My father left when I was 10. The last time I saw him is when I was 13 at the church I grew up. My aunt of my father's side sent flowers when my mother died in 1989. My 2 sisters and I are close. I wouldn't even know what he would look like. My family and I lived a normal happy life after the divorce. I would like to go on with my life and forget the horrible abuse. Why would someone contact his daughters after so long? I have forgiven him for the abuse. My second sister is in a abusive situation and we lost contact with her. She reunited with my father in the 1990's. Is there a reason why he is trying to contact us?
2007-12-28 18:30:15 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It could be possible that he wants to apologize and make up for his wrong doings. He may feel that by reaching out to you and having you back in his life that he will be able to begin to right some wrongs he has done in his life. It's up to you whether or not you want to let him back into your life. You're the only one who can decide if this is a good or a bad thing for you. It's horrible, the things we go through in our childhood but, those things we get through only make us stronger. Good luck with this tough situation!
2007-12-28 18:35:22 · answer #1 · answered by Angelfaerie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course there is a reason. If you want to know what it is, then you call. If you really don't care, don't bother. He probably wants a relationship now and wants to be forgiven. Sounds like the type of person I wouldn't want around my children under any circumstances. But if you have any questions, this is probably the time to ask. I have a hunch his time is limited and he has regrets. It's good you have forgiven him because it isn't healthy to live with hate but that doesn't mean you have to forget(so that you know to protect your children from him). Sometimes there is a cycle that repeats and your sister picked an abuser and then returned to your father. Is she OK? That would be the question, I think. . .Might do to talk to a professional and think over your actions very carefully. You might want to confront him and get an adult view of the situation. . .or not. . .People can do terrible things to each other. Think it over carefully and do what you need to do so that you have no regrets.
2007-12-28 18:43:04 · answer #2 · answered by towanda 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be sick, he may be trying to walk the path of god and make ammends, he may be urged by the reunited sister, he may be feeling guilty and wants to apologize or he may just still be the same abusive son of a gun because not many people at that late of an age decide to change and especially if it is his temperament because those don't change. So there are many reasons, including ones i have not said here but you have said something yourself that you want to go on and forget and forgive and i think that is what you should do and you dont need to have contact with him unless you wanna open up a whole new can of worms.
2007-12-28 18:42:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I admire the strength and love in your heart, to forgive and move on with your life. Sounds like your sister may have done some persuading for him to just now be trying to show a little love. I don't want to seem judgmental, but he is probably feeling very guilty about the way he treated you, and while you have forgiven him, he may not know that unless your sister told him. What is important though is you and your health. By having it in your heart to forgive, you saved yourself from all sorts of health issues. (dis-ease = disease)
2007-12-28 18:50:01 · answer #4 · answered by henry568 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon, i have severed the relationship with my father (many years ago) for the same reaons your mother had to get away from your father.
After all you've been through, you are going to have to do what you feel is best for your emotional health... in other words, don't see him if it's going to bring back old memories and horrible feelings/thoughts.
I don't know what sort of inner strength you have, but i am considred a 'very strong person' by those who know me... at least, that is how it looks on the exterior. In the mid '90's one of my sisters got married and my father was there... it brought up so many horrible, blocked memories, and i was diagnosed PTSD... my life spiraled out of control.
I'm telling you this because it was my experience just by being in my father's presence during the time of my sister's wedding. and i never even spoke to him. it was the beginning of years of emotional torture and turmoil for me, personally. years of therapy, and i almost died twice.
do what is "SAFE" for you.. that's my best advice.
2007-12-28 18:46:21 · answer #5 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be on his death bed, or feels regret for the abuse. People do change, and as he ages and grows, he could be realizing what he put you through, and sending Christmas cards may be his attempt to reunite and apologize. If you don't care to hear from him, write him a letter (surely he put his return address on the card) and tell him so.
2007-12-28 18:34:53 · answer #6 · answered by ~~*Paradise Dreams*~~ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People tend to have regrets as they get older. He certainly has a lot to regret. People do change but it is hard to change drastically. If you have truly forgiven him then you are blessed. Do you have to face him too? No you do not! This contact he seeks is for his benefit not yours. If you want contact, that is up to you. But you must search yourself for the truth...will this contact benefit you? If the answer is no then do this much for him...write him and tell him that you have forgiven him and you have given him to God. Then let him know you do not want to meet him. You can welcome his written correspondence if you fell comfortable. The point is that you set the limits you are most comfortable with.
2007-12-28 18:39:40 · answer #7 · answered by Over The Rainbow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be looking to apologize. I do not know! Is there a return address? Write and ask him. Or if you want him not to contact you, I would definatley relay that as well. If you feel threatened you may want to contact a lawyer or a battered womens group. They would definatley be able to help you.
2007-12-28 18:36:45 · answer #8 · answered by dragonflygirl_me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The older we get the more time we have to reflex on our actions. He probably realizes his abusive nature and wants to apologize for it. You may have forgiven him but he has to forgive himself and he first does that by acknowledging the act and asking for forgiveness.
2007-12-28 18:37:24 · answer #9 · answered by DearAbby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After all he is your father, and you all are his children(daughters). He might have changed,as man changes with the passes of time.I think he would love all of you, although I m not confirmed
2007-12-28 18:37:02 · answer #10 · answered by Rana 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋