Porn addiction? Boyfriend & have NO sex life, he watches porn & shows no interest in me?

Question

He works at home, so he has been doing this for over a decade - watching porn that is. So now, we don't have any kind of a sex life, because he is used to watching porn. I've tried talking to him but he gets fed up and just says I should watch porn. As well, he says I should dress up for him - that this would help our sex life. I don't mind porn, but to 'need' porn to have a sex life is sad. He also has never come the few times we have had sex - during 8 months. I don't know how common this is, or if this situation will get better? Does anyone else have any experience with this? As well, he says he'd like me to be a 'porn ****' for him. This is so foreign to me, (and he knows it), I'm not a prude, but have no interest in a second career. Any insight would be appreciated.

He is very nice in others aspects of the relationship, but always has an excuse as to why we can't have sex. Yes, I am very attractive (thank you very much), I look like my profile and I've got friends, a life, and am happy. I have never had problems with sex before. This is very new for me. At first I really took it personally, but now, it's just making me sad. He says he's working on it, but we've had sex maybe ten times during 8 months? It's been hard on my ego, and I'm trying to be understanding, but he has to plan everything, and I find that so weird. I'm used to fooling around when you feel like it. I'm open, I like PDA, and other fun stuff, but he likes some pretty hard core stuff. He has been very open about this stuff but nothing changes. He keeps asking me to watch porn and dress up for him when we go out together. My ego is wearing thin.

Answer 1

Ok. First of all Do Not let your boyfriend make you into a freaking porn star or do anything else you're not comfortable with. Secondly this guy may be some kind of freak so be careful, if he just really into porn thats fine, but if his love of porn steams from some darker place, like a disrespect for women or a desire to seem them harmed/humiliated then you need to let him go or get him some help. Find out what kind of porn he likes, if its in any way violent or degrading that should be a good warning sign. If its just more "mainstream" type porn then maybe you can integrate it into your sex life, its ok to fulfill each others fantasies. Its also not that unusual for a guy not to come during sex, especially if he masturbates allot.

Answer 2

this is an odd situation. if i were u and i loved this man then i would need to have a sex life..it doesnt just bring pleasure but its suppose to connect people in ways that no one can full comprehend! now im not saying sex is a sacred thing and im no prude either i just feel that if ur in a mature relationship sex is a must it sounds ver unhealthy to me and if he is not interested in having sex unless u act and look like the women on the movies then he has a sex problem so what u should do is not allow him to watch the porn i mean has 4play thats normal but not including sex with his own girlfriend thats just odd. tell him u need certain needs and that he is not meeting them tell him that he ma loose u because do u really want to be in a relationship where u 2 dont feel the same way physically about eachother, if he doesnt change...{i know this is not the best way to go but its a suggestion} then try dressing up just for him not a job and try role playing or something i mean it might even spice things up for u and he'll enjoy the sex more f u keep doing this then he'll get use to having sex with u and not with the video tapes...i mean seriously what kind of relationship can u have with someone who doesnt want to have sex with u....despite what people may say sex is a ver important thing when ur mature and it can affect people in different ways if ur not having it. talk to him again and say whatever u can to get him to consider watching porn so much and start paying more attention to u! good luck!

Answer 3

sounds like he does have a real problem. He may now depend on the visual stimuli to get aroused. He'll need to gradually move away from the porn or need professional help. Maybe you could take over for some of the time he's spending on his porn watching, gradually replacing it with yourself. If you don't mind, and you want to make it work, become his porn star. Dress up, fulfill his (and your) fantasies. Try to relax and have some fun while your doing it. without busting your morals. Be aware that cameras during this may come back to haunt you in the future, think about that before consenting. Goodluck and have fun !!! :)

Answer 4

Couples counseling? and perhaps he should look into SLAA
(Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous) There are meetings for it just like AA meeting for Alcoholics. It is a good soberiety meeting for him to get into. Check it out on the internet too. There are a lot of single, married, and guys in couples that are struggling to get over porn addiction. Tell him that you would just like to have a normal sex life and that everyone don't need porn or to be a porn star to get great sex. He is an addict. Find a meeting and encourage him to go. Good luck! By the way, there is CODA for you the mate of the sex addict.

Answer 5

He's problem lies deep within his brain where he believes that the porn he watches, is actually real and not made up of actual actors & actresses. He does understand that they are filming it and it is porn, but he believes there are couples out there who actually try these things. Im not sayin there isn't, but they are really rare. He believes that you being his wife, should dress up in lingerie and strutt your stuff to him. In essence take control sexually and give him what he wants. This is indeed a common male fantasy, but it is not realistic. I believe in order to solve your problem with your husband, you should find a common ground you 2 can share. A point in the middle where your not going into an all out fantasy, but you are providing him with the desires he wants inside. This way, he will surely slow down on the porn and instead turn to you for his sexual desires. Believe me, your efforts wont go unappreciated. He will return the favors and occasionally be in control and give you what you desire. Hope this helps & goodluck! =)

Answer 6

man, sounds like someone may have a porn addiction. I would be curious to see if he would rather gratify his sexual desires with/by himself whilst watching porn rather than with you. If so, some fast intervention is needed. Not knowing specifics, I can't give you any names of places etc. The not reaching orgasm the last several times you had sex could be a byproduct of his excessive masturbating while watching the porn (if he's doing this). The refractory period for a man varies, so I would have some concern with this as well.

Answer 7

Here is what you should do and I am serious, as a guy sure we watch porn, but you need to take action and be aggresive. Either find hi fav porn movie and act out a scene or start making out with him and see where that takes you because if he shows no interest you need to take the initiative, as they say sex sells. Good Luck!

Answer 8

OK.. asking you to help with getting the visual he needs to get going is one thing.. and even acting out the parts for fun is ok .

but, don't let him put you in any uncomfortable positions doing any porn.(no pun intended). Porn is nice to watch and get ideas.. but it should never replace the bedroom. he is loosing site of intimacy because he doesn't have to work at pleasing you when he watches porn.

Put your foot down.. limit the amount of time in the bedroom he has his porn on. Its not about self pleasing.. emphasis we are a couple.. not just you pleasing yourself.

Answer 9

The real question here is why is he still your boyfriend? He is addicted to pornography. Many men enjoy porn, but it doesn't replace their relationship with a real person. I am not sure why he does not complete the sex act, perhaps he has bonding issues. It sounds as if he just wants a robot that he can control and make his porn fantasies come to life. Run girl!

Answer 10

Hi Bun, He is gone and i mean gone. He is a sick cookie and needs counseling. If not you might as well head in the other direction because it's not going to get any better with out some kind of help for him. Sorry but this is true.
A Friend,
poppy1